On my article about depression when you can’t get pregnant, a reader asked how to connect with other women coping with infertility. Here are a few ideas…

I don’t have an infertility forum, and I didn’t want to start a thread about coping with infertility on my fertility Quips and Tips blog because it’s too pregnancy-related. Readers have complained that the ads about pregnancy make them feel worse about not being able to conceive. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about that – I have to run ads on my Quips and Tips blogs because that’s what pays my bills!

So, I’m opening up space here on Blossom for readers to share how they’re coping with infertility. I’ve written about how to be happy when you can’t have kids in the past, but today is a bit of a struggle for me.

How I’m Coping With Infertility

It’s actually a tough time right now, because I’ve been sick with the stomach flu for over 2 weeks. I’m juggling my assignments (I’m getting my MSW at UBC), practicum, and household responsibilities – and all I want to do is sleep. I’m finally feeling better, but it’s been terrible.

The worst part is that my period is a month late. I think it’s because of stress, and when it was due last month, we were just finishing a 2½ week vacation in Peru. I expected my period to be a few days late, but I’ve never skipped one entirely.

So, when I was sick with nausea, diarrhea, lack of appetite, and extreme fatigue the last two weeks…I was kinda hoping I was pregnant! It’s a long shot (like from here to outer space, because my husband has azoospermia), but with God anything is possible. I’ve always hoped He would come through for us, and give us a baby without me having to go through fertility treatments.

But now I think it was just the stomach flu. I still haven’t gotten my period, but I just have a feeling I’m not pregnant after all.

The coping never ends

We’ve been “coping with infertility” for about five years now, and it’s never over. Maybe because we didn’t have a family in another way – adoption, fertility treatments, fostering, baby surrogate mothers.

coping with infertilityI’ve learned that everything can be fine for months, then I get sick for two weeks, think I may be pregnant, and then have to cope with infertility all over again. It’s hard. It’s disappointing.

What helps is to focus on the benefits of not having kids (and there are many!), and actually take advantage of those opportunities! For instance – I travel every year, I got to be a freelance writer, I started my Quips and Tips blogs, and I’m in grad school (I love school!). I have a Little Sister from Big Sisters/Little Sisters, and we love our weekly visits. I get to spend lots of time wandering in the forest with my dog Georgie, which I love to do.

So, while coping with infertility sucks in general, there are benefits.

How are you coping with infertility?

Feel free to share how you’re doing in the comments section below. What are the best and worst parts of not having kids? I welcome your stories, tips, and strategies.

If you’re struggling to cope, read How to Be Happy Without Kids – Inspiration From Lesley.

And if you know of any good blogs or forums for people coping with infertility, please share with us!


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3 thoughts on “How Are You Coping With Infertility?”

  1. Dear Erin,

    Thanks for being here, and sharing your struggle. I remember trying to get pregnant, and being disappointed month after month! I wish it would’ve happened naturally for us, too. It wasn’t fun to have to go to a fertility specialist…but it was worth it. We never ended up having kids, but I’m glad we know what prevented us from conceiving.

    If and when it’s time to see a fertility specialist, you’ll know.

    Stay true to you,

  2. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 10 months now with no luck. We have been together for 9 years and I will be 31 next week and he is 33. I didn’t expect that it would take this long to conceive so there was no rush to have a baby but now I feel like it is our time. Not having children has allowed us to go on vacation a lot and enjoy time together but we are both ready for the next stage in our life which for us is to have children. I’m at the point where I feel defeated and feel like life is unfair but I’m fighting these feelings and trying to stay positive. I’ve also talked to my doctor and she said she would refer us to a fertility specialist if needed. I guess I just don’t want to have to go through a fertility specialist and wish I t would happen naturally but I’m curious to see if there is an underlying issue or if we just have to give it some more time. It’s hard not to focus on having a baby either each month but it would be nice to take my mind off of it for a while and focus my energy on something else. I’m trying to remain hopefully and patient but at the same time I would like to know if something is preventing us from conceiving so we can explore other options. It’s disappointing when every month rolls around and we are still not pregnant but I’m also trying to stay optimistic.