On my article about depression when you can’t get pregnant, a reader asked how to connect with other women coping with infertility. Here are a few ideas…
I don’t have an infertility forum, and I didn’t want to start a thread about coping with infertility on my fertility Quips and Tips blog because it’s too pregnancy-related. Readers have complained that the ads about pregnancy make them feel worse about not being able to conceive. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about that – I have to run ads on my Quips and Tips blogs because that’s what pays my bills!
So, I’m opening up space here on Blossom for readers to share how they’re coping with infertility. I’ve written about how to be happy when you can’t have kids in the past, but today is a bit of a struggle for me.
How I’m Coping With Infertility
It’s actually a tough time right now, because I’ve been sick with the stomach flu for over 2 weeks. I’m juggling my assignments (I’m getting my MSW at UBC), practicum, and household responsibilities – and all I want to do is sleep. I’m finally feeling better, but it’s been terrible.
The worst part is that my period is a month late. I think it’s because of stress, and when it was due last month, we were just finishing a 2½ week vacation in Peru. I expected my period to be a few days late, but I’ve never skipped one entirely.
So, when I was sick with nausea, diarrhea, lack of appetite, and extreme fatigue the last two weeks…I was kinda hoping I was pregnant! It’s a long shot (like from here to outer space, because my husband has azoospermia), but with God anything is possible. I’ve always hoped He would come through for us, and give us a baby without me having to go through fertility treatments.
But now I think it was just the stomach flu. I still haven’t gotten my period, but I just have a feeling I’m not pregnant after all.
The coping never ends
We’ve been “coping with infertility” for about five years now, and it’s never over. Maybe because we didn’t have a family in another way – adoption, fertility treatments, fostering, baby surrogate mothers.
I’ve learned that everything can be fine for months, then I get sick for two weeks, think I may be pregnant, and then have to cope with infertility all over again. It’s hard. It’s disappointing.
What helps is to focus on the benefits of not having kids (and there are many!), and actually take advantage of those opportunities! For instance – I travel every year, I got to be a freelance writer, I started my Quips and Tips blogs, and I’m in grad school (I love school!). I have a Little Sister from Big Sisters/Little Sisters, and we love our weekly visits. I get to spend lots of time wandering in the forest with my dog Georgie, which I love to do.
So, while coping with infertility sucks in general, there are benefits.
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How are you coping with infertility?
Feel free to share how you’re doing in the comments section below. What are the best and worst parts of not having kids? I welcome your stories, tips, and strategies.
If you’re struggling to cope, read How to Be Happy Without Kids – Inspiration From Lesley.
And if you know of any good blogs or forums for people coping with infertility, please share with us!
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.