How do you decide if you should start a relationship with someone who is leaving the country or moving overseas? Here’s one reader’s dilemma and a couple tips from me, which you may not agree with…
“I really want to ask her if she wants to try again…but I know this is going to end in disaster,” he says this reader on How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work. “This is the very FIRST girl that I ever felt this genuine about….what I feel is nothing but utmost honesty and purity…and I know that if I do ask her back and she accepts, what becomes of her?”
One of my first tips is to learn how long distance relationships work! Read books like The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide – especially ones that offer tips from couples who have actually experienced long distance relationships.
And, here are a few thoughts…
Should You Start a Relationship With Someone Leaving the Country?
“She’s going into the Airforce, and if I tell her how I feel she’ll be sitting there in basic with my stupid words running in her head making her nuts,” says this reader. “I can’t do that to her…and who knows when we’ll even see each other again? Some people have told me to stop trying to see her for the sake of love, and see her as just friends. Maybe God is preventing me from seeing her because of that…but I just don’t know…”
Figure out the difference between fear of rejection and reality
He said he “knows” that telling her how he feels will end in disaster…but how does he know that? Sometimes we “know” something, but really it’s just our own fears and insecurities. He also says, “She was diagnosed with clinical depression when they were going out the first time…she said it wasn’t fair to me…and we broke up.”
So, perhaps his reluctance to start a relationship with her is out of genuine concern for her emotional health, not fear of rejection or commitment. Sometimes we’re scared to fall in love, and that can prevent us from taking healthy risks. If you’re trying to decide whether to start a relationship with someone leaving the country, you need to try and figure out which is which.
Living your best life – achieving your goals, no matter what they are – is about feeling fear, but not letting it stop you from chasing your dreams.
Be honest with the person you’re interested in
“Now, months later, it seems her depression has faded, she’s hit some serious fitness and lost 20 lbs for her career in the Airforce,” says this reader. “It’s very difficult to believe that we can have a relationship together because every time we try to meet up just as friends, something, somehow, or someone always prevents us. It’s been that way for the past four months straight.”
I think he should be honest with her. Tell her that he wants to start a relationship but she’s leaving the country. Tell her he wants the best for her, that he feels nothing but honesty and purity for her, and he just doesn’t know what he should do. Tell her he doesn’t want her to change her plans or get all worked up about it – he just wants to be honest about his feelings.
If you’re starting a relationship with someone who is moving overseas, it’s probably good to read Why Couples Break Up – 10 Types of Relationship Problems.
What would you tell this reader? Should he start a relationship with her, even though she’s leaving the country?
Need encouragement? Sign up for my weekly "Echoes of Joy" email - it's free, short, and energizing. Like me! Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.