You’d be surprised to learn how many people feel lonely on Valentine’s Day – even if they’re in a relationship. These tips for coping with the loneliness and disconnection will help you get through February 14 – and the rest of the year.
In When You Have Nobody to Love on Valentine’s Day, I shared more “touchy feely” tips for coping when you’re lonely on February 14. These tips, on the other hand, are more practical and goal-oriented. These tips are geared towards the Type A career women who are busy leaning in at the boardroom tables – or the busy single moms who are leaning in both at home and at work – and who don’t have the time or energy to deal with the emotional and spiritual health issues that make them feel lonely on Valentine’s Day.
Alas, no matter how much you love your career and/or children, of course you get lonely. Your iPhone or tablet is a source of connection and companionship, but it can’t hug you on the bad days or give you an extra nuzzle on Valentine’s Day.
If you’re single and lonely on February 14, it may be time to take stock of your life. Look around you…what are you consumed by? Who or what occupies your time, attention, resources, and energy? Are they important, or are they distractions?
“Only a few things are really important,” said Marie Dressler.
What or who is really important to you, and why? One of the best cures for loneliness – whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not – is to figure out what you want out of life. What goals do you want to achieve? Instead of focusing on what or who you don’t have, start creating the life you want.
5 Tips for When You Feel Lonely on Valentine’s Day
“Love is not about celebrating Valentine’s Day,” writes Billi Gordon in Valentine’s Day, Love, and the Broken Soul on the Psychology Today website. “Love is about celebrating yourself enough to present yourself to the world as the gift you are. Valentine’s Day is enjoying the roses – love is about appreciating the thorns. Valentine’s Day is about heart-shaped boxes. Love is about box-shaped hearts.
So accept the Universe on its own terms and savor your life – one sip at time – be it bitter or sweet. No one can do that for you but you. Remember, a ruby is a jewel, but it’s also a stone, like the rapture of solitude lies within the agony of being alone. So please, stay, and remain fabulous and phenomenal.”
1. Learn how to love yourself – in practical ways
Self-love doesn’t just involve your heart and spirit; it’s about taking good care of your body and mind. Learning how to love yourself – especially when you feel alone and lonely on Valentine’s Day – involves honoring your body in practical ways.
One of my favorite and most practical tips for loving myself is noticing how I feel when I eat certain foods. When I eat my famous oatmeal coconut chocolate chip cookies, for example, I almost immediately feel a huge dip in my energy levels and thought processes. I feel sluggish and gross. But when I eat a protein bar or drink a delicious hot cup of cocoa, I feel uplifted and energized.
If you feel single and alone on Valentine’s Day, take time to be in your body. Notice how you feel when you eat certain foods, talk to certain people, get a certain amount of sleep. Learn how to take care of yourself in practical and specific ways.
And, don’t forget to take care of your dog on February 14! Read 10 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Dogs and Dog Lovers. :-)
2. Write down three things you really really want out of life
What are your relationship goals, career goals, physical health goals, life goals? Take 30 minutes to write down what you really want, think, and feel. Don’t just recite what you think you should want out of life. Instead, really dig into your dreams. What would you do if you weren’t scared? How would you live your life if you had courage?
If your goal is to be in a relationship because you’re tired of being single and feeling alone on Valentine’s Day, write down three things you can to do change your life. Accept all the invitations, go on blind dates, spread the word to your family and friends, and take continuing education classes. You know what to do; you’ve read all the tips for single women who want to date.
Read 9 Ways to Find Your Life Purpose After a Sad Breakup if you’re coping with the end of a relationship. If you want this to be the last time you’re lonely and single on Valentine’s Day, set your goals and forge ahead. Taking action is one of the best, most natural cures for loneliness or depression.
3. Tell me why you’re single and lonely on Valentine’s Day
Are you newly divorced, or have you never had a long-term relationship? Are you married but feeling alone and unloved? Tell me in the comments section below why you’re single, why you feel alone. Writing is a healthy, healing way to work through your questions and struggles, and find a solution. Or at least take you one step closer to setting and reaching your goals.
I didn’t get married until I was 35; before I could take the plunge, I went to counseling for a few months. It helped me realize I was afraid of love and marriage; just being aware of my fear of intimacy helped me overcome it. Many of my friends are single and lonely — and not just on because they’re not getting gifts on Valentine’s Day. I often wonder if they’re scared. What’s holding them back? Why do they feel depressed, but can’t move forward? Sometimes we hold ourselves back from love, and we wonder why we’re single, lonely, and sad on Valentine’s Day. Are you holding yourself back?
4. Remember that this season, too, will pass
Everything comes and goes: love, heartbreak, happiness, bitterness, togetherness, separation. When I was single, it really helped me to remember that it’s just a stage. And now that I’m married, I remind myself all the time I may be single again one day. I’m not aiming to be single, but it could happen — and there are a lot of benefits to the single life.
Every stage of life has benefits and downfalls, and every stage of life eventually passes. A possible “cure for loneliness” is to remind yourself that your life will change. You’re in control, you’ve set your goals, and you’re on your way to achieving them.
5. Plan an adventure for yourself
Give yourself something to look forward to: plan an event, activity, or event that distracts you from Valentine’s Day. How about an exotic vacation in Belize, a singles cruise, a weekend in Vegas, or a local weekend retreat? I traveled a lot as a single woman – I even lived in Africa for three years before I was married – and found that the best way to enjoy life was to get outta town. Instead of focusing on the single life, be kind and generous to yourself by planning something interesting.
If you’re struggling with disappointment because you’re not in a relationship, read Think You’ll Be Single Forever? 7 Ways to Be Happy Anyway.
I welcome your thoughts on having a lonely Valentine’s Day below. I don’t give advice, but I read every comment. You may find that writing helps you feel less alone and more connected.
Practical Tips for Creating a Life of Love and Joy
In Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend, Christine Arylo says most of us know that loving ourselves would be a good idea, but we have no clue what that really means. Self-love feels too vast, too esoteric, and frankly like something you should keep under wraps.
In this book, you’ll learn how to:
- Shower yourself with loving words instead of criticism and comparison
- Go for your dreams with conviction and courage
- Choose the situations and relationships that make you happiest
- Discover and explore your deepest thoughts and desires — and act on them
Madly in Love With Me takes you beyond the idea of loving, valuing, and caring for yourself into daring acts that help you experience self-love. Christine provides practical, fun ways to explore and embody the ten branches of self-love every day and in every part of your life.
The Gratitude Jar- A Simple Guide to Creating Miracles by Josie Robinson is a book that offers light, hope and healing when we most deeply need to hear it.
The story itself is a heartwarming, inspirational tale of spiritual transformation and self-discovery, but The Gratitude Jar is also a guidebook with the power to instantly release the negative belief systems no longer serving you (such as mistaken ideas about why you’re lonely on Valentine’s Day). You’ll find ways to direct your steps with new energy onto the path of joy and personal freedom.
In The Gratitude Jar, Josie Robinson describes how to nourish your soul and restore your faith in the goodness of the world. The simple truths and wise insights will help you find a joyful and inspiring new life.
May you find comfort and hope on Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year. May your loneliness subside, and your joy and hope rise up. May you grow healthy and strong, and may your life be blessed with love, joy, connection, and peace.