These tips are inspired by a reader who was lied to and hurt in two online relationships. Recovering from the pain of betrayal by someone you met online isn’t easy, but it’s possible if you learn how to focus your thoughts.
Healing is about recognizing how worthwhile, lovable, and valuable you are. You deserve better – you deserve to be a priority in a man’s life. “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain.
Often when we are hurt in relationships – especially if we tend to lose ourselves in our relationships – it’s because we prioritized the person…but we weren’t the person’s priority. We downgraded our goals, plans, needs, and dreams in order to put the other person first.
And that’s how we get hurt. Online relationships are especially tricky because it’s more difficult to read the signs – which makes it easier to fool ourselves.
Realize that the search for love brings pain
Whether you’re meeting people online or in yoga class, on singles cruises or on blind dates set up by loved ones…dating and relating almost always involves pain. There is no way to get around the discomfort of dating, especially when you’re looking for a long-term relationship.
I didn’t get married until I was 35 years old, and I dated lots of men. I met some online, some at church, some at work – but most online. None of those relationships worked out, and some brought pain and betrayal. This is normal! The search for love isn’t easy – and it’s not supposed to be easy.
Be proud of yourself for taking a risk on love. You shot the dice, and you lost. You are stronger than you think – and you will recover from the hurt you feel.
Do you feel like you’ll never be able to fall in love again? Read How to Overcome the Pain of a Bad Breakup and Be Happy Again.
Find the balance between mourning and moving on
To recover from a bad online relationship, you need to mourn your loss. Grieve, wail, weep, and express your disappointment and heartache. I’m really proud of the reader who expressed herself in the comments section of Share Your Story because she was real, authentic, and raw. She shared exactly how she felt – and that is incredibly healthy!
Mourning and grieving is good. It’s painful, but good. But your night of mourning has to end…and you need to wake up to a new day.
Live in the moment
Yes, you got hurt. In Letting Go of Someone You Love, I describe ways to move on after being betrayed and lied to…but those tips are mostly focused on the past and the relationship. I’m beginning to think it’s better and healthier to focus on this present moment, and train yourself to let the past stay in the past.
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Right now, I can’t be sad or hurt that my sister cut me out of her life. Right now I am focused on writing this article, aligning my heart and brain and soul, and communicating to you. There is no room for the pain of loss or the feelings of helplessness, is there?
I’m reading books by Byron Katie; the best one for recovering from being hurt in an online relationship is I Need Your Love – Is That True? How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead.
If you can absorb even a tenth of what Byron Katie teaches, you’ll learn how powerful your thoughts are. And then you’ll learn how to recover from anything life brings you!
“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” ― Byron Katie.
Need more break up tips? Read How to Detach From Someone You Care About on my Quips and Tips for Love and Relationships blog.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.