Even if you aren’t in the “when it’s over” relationship category, here are seven tips on how to take care of yourself. This is the most important time to give your body, mind, and soul the juice it needs to rev up again.
Here’s what happened to Tina: “The other day he came over for a chat and told me he loves and cares for me, but he’s not in love with me,” she writes on When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore. “This was hard to digest! It’s still going around and around in my head. We already have a holiday booked, so are planning on going together to see if we can move on from this, but I really don’t know if I can. Maybe I should walk away. It is really hard, as I do love him a lot.”
She didn’t ask for advice, which is good because I don’t give it! But as I was reading her comment I wondered if she knows how to take care of herself. Is she emotionally and physically healthy? If not, she won’t be able to make the right decision about her relationship. That’s how I came to write these seven ways to take care of yourself when it’s over…
What made you click on this link? Maybe you’re emotionally exhausted, physically overweight, or spiritually cold. Maybe you’ve never taken care of yourself because you’re too busy taking care of others.
Before you scroll through my tips for taking care of yourself, take a moment to think. What does your body need? Take a deep breath and do a full body scan. How are your feet, knees, and tooshie? What’s happening in your tummy and guts? Notice how your arms feel – and pay special attention to your shoulders and neck.
What is your body telling you? That’s your first clue.
How to Take Care of Yourself
When your relationship ends – when it’s over for real – you’re not thinking about your health and wellness. This is unfortunate because the healthier you are, the faster your heart and soul will heal!
These are practical, specific tips on how to take care of your physical health and well-being. If you’re looking for exercise-type ways to take care of yourself when it’s over, read 10 Fitness Gifts That Encourage Health and Wellness.
Make a dental appointment to get your teeth cleaned
When was the last time you got your teeth cleaned? This is an important way to take care of yourself! Not only does your dental health effect your whole body, you’ll just feel better with all that plaque and tartar removed.
Your tooth and gum health has a significant effect on your whole body – not to mention your breath! It’s not about having a superwhite smile (though some people view toothwhitening as a huge way to take care of themselves) – it’s about knowing the state of your mouth. After all, everything you put in your body goes through your mouth…you might as well get it in tip top shape.
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Schedule a doctor’s visit for a physical checkup
My family doctor told me that general physical checkups aren’t covered by my medical insurance anymore. But, if I have a specific complaint – such as feeling tired all the time or dealing with pain in my kneecaps – then she can do a quick check of my blood pressure, heart rate, etc.
Find out if you can get a free physical checkup from your doctor. Get a mammogram and a pap smear. Talk about your prescription medications, make sure they’re still working for you. Learn about your body – how is your blood pressure? Cholesterol levels? Ask for a blood workup while you’re at it. Ask your doctor for specific ways to take care of yourself. These are basic tips on how to take care of yourself – but many people ignore them.
Don’t forget your specialist!
I’m 45 years old and I have:
- A dermatologist for my moles (none cancerous, thank God)
- A gastroenterologist for my ulcerative colitis
- A gynecologist for my period woes
- A podiatrist for my bunions
- An acupuncturist because I love the feeling after my chakras are opened
Ok, I showed you mine…will you show me yours? Never mind, it’s probably better for both of us that I stay innocent.
When was the last time you saw your chiropractor, naturopathic doctor, or oncologist? It’s the time. This is an important tip on how to take care of yourself when it’s over, or even when it’s not over.
Get a massage
In How to Relax When You’re Getting a Massage, I quote the author of a fabulous book on massage called Massage: Mind and Body. Larry Costa says, “Massage used to be considered an unnecessary luxury. Today, it is valued as one of the most effective methods of combating stress and inducing relaxation, but also for its many other physical and mental benefits, including expelling toxins, relieving muscle soreness, increasing flexibility, easing chronic pain, reducing tension headaches, boosting the immune system, promoting restful sleep, and improving concentration.”
Getting a massage is one of the best ways to take care of yourself when it’s over. Why? Because your body isn’t getting the same amount of physical touch as before. We need to be touched – and not in sexual ways! Just hugged, rubbed, and massaged. Even pats are good.
Get your buns moving
Yoga Body Burn is currently my favorite exercise DVD because it combines the luxurious stretching of yoga with the strength training of weight lifting. My favorite are the “stretching yoga with weights” exercises.
“Stretching is the BEST way to get rid of any tension,” says Denise Austin. “Even stretches for 3 minutes helps reduce anxieties. Deep breathing helps too. Exercising releases endorphins which helps to reduce stress and depression.”
If you can’t motivate yourself to exercise – which is one of the number one tips on how to take care of yourself – then hire a personal trainer. Do group sessions, so it’s cheaper. Or, join a hiking group or soccer team or dance club. Do whatever it takes to move your buns, because when it’s over that’s one thing you’ll never, ever regret.
Plunge your emotional plug ups
What are you dealing with right now? Maybe it’s a relationship breakdown – after all, I did include “when it’s over” as a specific problem for people who were searching for tips on how to take care of themselves.
If we don’t deal with our emotions – and even make friends with the worst of them – we suffer. Unprocessed emotions are like stuff too big to go down the toilet when we flush: it just gets stuck and the whole system backs up. It’s unpleasant and even painful to deal with the crap before we flush, but it’s worse to have to plunge a plugged-up toilet.
Have you made friends with your emotions? If you don’t know what this means, ask me in the comments section below. I don’t know either, but I have someone I can ask. In fact, I talk about Him next…
Look way, way up
Actually, God is closer than you think. Are you and He on speaking terms these days? If you’re not connected to something that makes your soul sing, then it’s time to start looking to the Heavens for help.
I schedule 45 minutes alone with God every morning. Sometimes it’s closer to 30 minutes because my mind tends to race ahead to what I have planned in my day: Blossom, writing, finding new topics to write about, painting, playing my flute…but I try to focus on Him. Why? Because I’m filled with a sense of peace, joy, and freedom when I connect with God. This is my favorite way to take care of myself because it’s easy and it feels good. I have a journal, and I write letters to God.
What fills your spirit with peace, your soul with calm? Do it every morning.
These are the most important tips on how to take care of yourself: dental appointments, doctor’s visits, specialist appointments, massage therapy, physical exercise, unplugging of emotions, and spiritual check ins.
What have I missed – what’s your favorite way to take care of yourself after a breakup? When it’s over, the most difficult thing to do is nurture and pamper your body, mind, and spirit…but that’s also the most important way to heal.
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.
If you’re struggling with the breakup, read How to Be Happy Single.
Do you need relationship help? Get Mort Fertel's 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage. It's helpful - and free!