This simple three-fold process will help you learn how to stop living in the past. I also share the three most painful experiences I’ve experienced, plus three ways I put the past behind me.
A message such the “For I Know The Plans I Have For You” Inspirational Poster is one of the best tips on how to stop living in the past. We need constant reminders that what happened is over. It is finished. We have to keep moving forward, and we need daily – or even hourly – reminders that the present is the only time that matters. The past is over. Learn from it, and let it go.
On How to Let Go of Someone You Love, Christie shared that she wants to move on with her life, but she can’t figure out how to stop living in the past. “I know I need to forget about my ex-husband, but I keep obsessing about what I did wrong in our marriage. How do I stop living in the past and start preparing for the future? I can’t seem to move on.” Below, I share how I stopped living in the past – actually, it’s not past tense. Every day, I need to practice my own advice on how to stop living in the past! It’s not a one-time only deal…it’s ongoing.
What advice have you already received on how to stop living in the past? Before you read my tips, take a moment to think about what you already know. Tell me – I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below.
How to Stop Living in the Past
My three-fold process is simple, yet powerful: Surrender, Accept, and Trust. How do I know it works? Because it’s helping me forget about what’s behind, and press on to my bright beautiful future.
I’m the Princess of Regret. I have so many regrets I don’t even have room to store them all. So guess what? I don’t store them anywhere! I’ve let them go, I’ve learned how to stop living in the past, and I’m focused on this very moment. I don’t feel guilty anymore, and I refuse to beat myself up and condemn myself for my past actions.
No matter what you need to let go of, you’ll find my “system” helpful.
What I let go of
Most recently, I discovered that my behavior towards a woman in my book club was very offensive and hurtful to her. She was angry at me for nine months before I found out. I felt absolutely terrible and ashamed when I finally learned how she felt around me, and I couldn’t stop condemning myself for my bad behavior. I’m prone to guilt and regret at the best of times; this was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to let go of.
My other two painful experiences are my grandmother’s death and my sister’s estrangement. It took me a long time to process both situations, and let go of the lingering guilt and regrets I had.
Surrender, Accept, and Trust
I had to learn how to stop negative thoughts from controlling my life. Maybe you’re in the same situation? Maybe you lost someone you love, maybe you were rejected, maybe you made mistakes. Maybe you did something you’re ashamed of and you can’t forgive yourself. Or you forgave yourself yesterday but today it’s back to haunt you.
If you don’t learn how to stop living in the past, you won’t be fully happy or fully present in your life.
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Surrender to what happened and accept the effect it had
Whatever you did or whatever happened to you is over. You can let it continue to eat away at you – you can let it destroy your present life – or you can surrender to the fact that it happened. It happened, and it is over.
My most recent experience with learning how to stop living in the past was with the woman in my book club…I had to leave the group. They didn’t ask me to leave; I chose to withdraw because I felt terrible about how I behaved towards her and I wasn’t enjoying the book club anyway. But still, it was painful to disconnect from the group. I accepted that consequence, and I accepted my new humility and respect towards other people.
Trust that your life is meant to unfold exactly the way it is
For whatever reason, you are meant to be right here right now. You were meant to lose that person, have that experience, and feel those emotions. Your job is to learn how to stop living in the past – not to keep reliving it.
Do you believe your life is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to? If not, talk to God. Take a moment to bow your head, and let His presence fill your heart. What does He want you to know about your past, about yourself, about your life? Let His wisdom, love, and grace fill your body and soul.
Choose to be in this moment
If you are fully present right now, then you can’t relive yesterday or condemn yourself for what happened. It is over. It is finished. You can stop living in the past; you can refuse to drown in shame and regret. You are forgiven, and you are free to live in this moment. And this moment is not what happened to you in the past.
If you can’t stop living in the past because you did something you regret, read How to Forgive Yourself.
How I stop living in the past
I believe that everything in my life is unfolding this way for a reason.
I trust God, and I believe He is working together all things not only for my good, but for the good of others. Things happen on purpose. My job isn’t to figure out why; my job is to live and learn. My job is to do my work.
If you can’t seem to learn how to how to stop living in the past – if your thoughts aren’t filling you with peace, joy, and power – then you need to change what you think about. How? Write about the pain you feel or the bad thing you did. Tell God how sad, ashamed, and sorry you are. Accept His forgiveness, delight in His freedom, soak up His joy!
Then accept your past for what it is and live fully in this moment. You don’t need to carry the burden anymore.
It’s not easy, but it is simple.
A question for you about living in the past
What is one word that describes how you feel about your past? Tell me below. You can write more than a word if you’d like. Sometimes it’s helpful to bundle all your feelings into a word and share how you feel.
If you’re interested in learning how a specific type of therapy helps people learn how to stop living in the past, read How EMDR Therapy Helps When You’re Stuck in the Past.
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of living in the past. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.
Need marriage help? Get free relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
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