How to Love and Live With an Alcoholic Boyfriend

Living with an alcoholic is painful and scary. These tips on how to love a boyfriend who drinks too much will help you live with the reality of alcoholism. The more you know, the better able you’ll be to get the support you need.

living with an alcoholic boyfriend

How to Love and Live With an Alcoholic Boyfriend

“My boyfriend has had problems with drinking too much for over five years,” writes Mary on on How to Help an Alcoholic Brother or Sister. “Things reached the worst they ever have around two years ago, when he was regularly brought home by the police, found sleeping under bridges and gone missing for days. Things have since then not been as extreme. My boyfriend goes to work but drinks all the time. Living with an alcoholic isn’t as hard as I thought it would be because he doesn’t abuse me. He just drinks. What can I do to help my boyfriend? I love him but he won’t admit he’s alcoholic.”

The most depressing thing about living with an alcoholic is also the truest thing: you can’t do anything to change or help him. Your boyfriend drinks too much because he has an addiction – a disease – that he can’t control. It is overpowering his reason and ability to think clearly. All you can do is learn how to love and live with an alcoholic, how to take care of yourself, and how to recognize when you need to make a decision about how you want to live your life.

Loving and living with an alcoholic boyfriend doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in his disease, but it does require you to learn about the pain and struggle of addiction. The more you read and learn about alcoholism, the better able you’ll be to help the man you love and maybe even save your relationship.

Throughout this article, I’ll share different types of resources for understanding what addiction is, living with an alcoholic, and learning where healthy boundaries are. There aren’t any easy tips for how to love a boyfriend who drinks too much, but I’ve found a few ideas that may help.

How to Love and Live With an Alcoholic Boyfriend

In the comment at the beginning of this article, Mary said her boyfriend doesn’t hurt her. Not all girlfriends are this fortunate! If you’re living with an alcoholic who abuses you, learn about the stages of leaving an abusive relationship. You may not be ready to leave – or even think about leaving – but it might be good to know about the cycle of abuse.

The first three tips for living with an alcoholic boyfriend are the most important.

Learn about the disease of alcoholism

Find ways to understand how alcoholics think and why they make the choices they do. The more you know about your boyfriend’s addiction and why he drinks too much, the better equipped you’ll be to love and live with him.

Don’t underestimate the power of this disease. Alcoholism is a very serious addiction, and it destroys lives. Last year I wrote an article called the 10 Benefits of Quitting Drinking…and it made me realize that there is a huge difference between social drinking and alcoholism. You’ll never be able to tell your boyfriend about the benefits of not drinking too much because he is in the grip of a powerful obsession that he can’t control.

Join a support group for people living with alcoholic partners

Don’t navigate the jungle of addiction by yourself. There are too many traps, dangers, and threats! You need to surround yourself with people who understand what it’s like to love and live with a boyfriend who drinks too much. Reading blog posts and online articles about living with an alcoholic is a good way to get information, but it’s not enough.

Meet people who live with partners who struggle with alcoholism. Tell them what you’re going through, and listen to their stories. Learn how to cope with life as a woman who loves a man who drinks too much. Get advice, strategies, tips, and support.

loving an alcoholic boyfriendLoving an Addict, Loving Yourself is one of my favorite books about living with an alcoholic. In it, Candace Plattor encourages readers to concentrate on taking care of themselves instead of focusing on the alcoholic or addict. She believes the key to changing the reality of addiction is to shift your focus from your loved one’s addiction to your own self-care.

Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself presents a fresh approach to help you get off the roller-coaster chaos of addiction, maintain your own sanity and serenity, and live your best life.

Take care of yourself

Living with an alcoholic boyfriend takes a great deal of energy, strength, and wisdom. One of the most important things to do is take good care of your body, mind, and spirit. Learn how to draw healthy boundaries in your relationship. Find out what enabling or codependency is, and how to stop protecting your boyfriend.

Be determined that your boyfriend’s alcoholism won’t spoil your relationship with your children, your family, or your friends. You can still have a full, interesting, and good life even if you’ll never learn how to help an alcoholic boyfriend stop drinking. Don’t set your heart on reforming him, or helping him stop drinking. You will be unable to do so, not matter how hard you try.

Remember that your boyfriend is not “choosing” to drink

The founding belief of Alcoholics Anonymous is that alcoholism is not a choice. Your boyfriend drinks too much not because he’s voluntarily choosing it, but rather because he has no power. He can’t control his drinking, no matter how much you beg, cry, threaten, or pray.

As an alcoholic, your boyfriend no longer has the power to choose not to drink, so he needs spiritual power to quit drinking. He can’t overcome the disease of alcoholism by himself or through willpower. The only thing he can do is turn to God, admit how powerless he is, and turn his life over to a Higher Power who can save him.

Find out if you’re enabling your boyfriend – and stop crossing the line

boyfriend drinks too muchIn The New Codependency, author Melody Beattie says a lot of codependency is normal behavior. The opposite of codependency is a healthy sense of letting go.

“Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance,” says Beattie. “It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.”

Codependency is about crossing unhealthy lines and boundaries when you love an alcoholic boyfriend. You may do too much, care too much, feel too little, or overly engage with him. You may give too much, and then resent it. In The New Codependency, Beattie describes how to love without becoming codependent or enmeshed with a boyfriend who drinks too much. She shares her own story and empowers readers to step out of the victim role forever.

Avoid telling your boyfriend to stop drinking

In the “For Wives” chapter of the Alcoholics Anonymous book, the authors advise women never to tell their boyfriends or husbands to stop drinking. The irony of living with an alcoholic boyfriend is that you can’t tell him what to do about his drinking. If he sees you as a nag or killjoy, your chance of helping him may be zero. He will feel misunderstood and criticized, which won’t help him stop drinking.

And, be prepared for other addictive behaviors to surface…

“My husband and I fight a lot,” says Kim on What to Do When Your Husband is an Alcoholic. “He drinks for hours, several days a week. When he is sober he is a wonderful, sweet, funny, loving guy. Our fights happen when he has been drinking and I am sober…I hurt my back and was prescribed painkillers, and he’s taken at least half of my prescription each time. Tonight I wanted the half tablet I had left on my nightstand. I asked him about taking my medication, he said yes he took it.”

Let your boyfriend explain his life to people

living with an alcoholic boyfriendWhenever possible, let him make his own excuses to his employer, coworkers, family members, neighbors, church community, etc. Don’t protect him, don’t lie to people to cover up his drinking problem.

When you’re living with an alcoholic boyfriend – and you love him – you may feel tempted to cover up for him. But this makes the problem worse. Don’t lie to people who have a right to know where your boyfriend is and what he is doing.

Find healthy ways to deal with your anger and frustration

This goes back to my first tips for living with an alcoholic: get help dealing with your feelings and reactions to your boyfriend’s tendency to drink too much. Find the closest Alcoholics Anonymous group, or the nearest Al-Anon group.

Trying to deal with your boyfriend’s alcoholism on your own is futile, and will set you up for disappointment and despair. Join forces with other women who need help with their alcoholic husbands. Get support, give support. The healthier you get emotionally, spiritually, and socially, the better able you’ll be to help your boyfriend if he decides to start battling his alcoholism.

Reconnect with God

The foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous is spirituality. They believe that an alcoholic is powerless to stop drinking because alcoholism is a disease. Your boyfriend can’t summon the willpower to stop drinking; alcoholics have no choice. This may be hard to understand, but it’s how the disease works.

Your boyfriend needs to decide to turn his life and body over to God (whatever he understands God to be). If you want to truly love and live with your boyfriend, you need to do the same thing.

God really does love you – and He loves your boyfriend, too. What do you think God is doing in your life? Is He active and alive, or quiet and still? Take time to connect with Him. Ask for guidance, wisdom, peace. Fill your mind and soul with His Holy Spirit. Learn who Jesus is, and live in the power of His grace and love.

In living with an alcoholic partnerReclaim Your Life: You and the Alcoholic/Addict, Carole Bennett helps people who struggle with the heartache, frustration, confusion, and resentment of living with an alcoholic boyfriend or husband. It’s a wonderful, helpful resource for anyone who needs help navigating the murky waters of addiction.

“When you let go of fear and the need to control, you’ll experience how mysterious, sacred, and interesting Life can be.” – Melody Beattie.

What do you think of these tips on how to love a boyfriend who drinks too much? I welcome your thoughts below. I can’t give advice, but you may find it helpful to share your thoughts on living with an alcoholic.

Please connect with other women whose boyfriends are struggling with alcoholism, so you can gain strength, comfort, and solidarity.


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29 thoughts on “How to Love and Live With an Alcoholic Boyfriend”

  1. Betty, thank you so much for sharing the title because this guide changed my life and gave me the opportunity to change this terrible situation although it seemed impossible

  2. I’m with you Betty. I know Ellen Petersen’s guide and it gave me the opportunity to change my terrible situation although it seemed impossible!

  3. Alcoholism in the family is a terrible thing. I know that very well. We struggled with it for many years until I saw a recommendation for a guide called “How to Help an Alcoholic You Love” by Ellen Petersen. Excellent approach, which turned out to be a godsend. It’s the best help so far and believe me I have read a lot of books in my life about alcoholism. Hope it will help others, too.

  4. I just found out after months of being in a great relationship, he is an alcoholic. He confessed after a drunken episode that left me confused. He stopped for six weeks and had a relapse. He is desperate to stop and is very afraid he is losing me. He did stop for 20 years but after his divorce, he went back to drinking. I met him 5 years after his divorce. I am not familiar with alcoholism at all but think I can still be a friend, just not sure. I need some advise.

  5. My boyfriend drinks everyday, he IA an alcoholic for most of his life.. I fell for him because of the man i know he is when sober.. He Is not abusive.. But his drinking really frustrates me and I know that it will drive us apart. We both love each other and I know he would do anything in his power for me… Except his addiction. I try not to push and ‘nag’, as he claims me to do.. Its just that I’m worried that I’ll lose him to alcohol completely. His friends and family talks to him about his excessive drinking but we all drink too, I know my limit… And only drink on events or such… But he drinks to get drunk and he still drives. I’m scared for him.

  6. It’s about my ex.. We loved so much each other but not he is alcoholic addiction and he cheated on me too because of his alcoholism behaviour-thats what I believe till now… I’m a sinner but I’m a person who always pray to God to help my ex…he still cannot forget me but he doesn’t have the guts to come back to me-this is all I learned from his friends.. Forgetting my anger, pain, and hurt, I want to help him but we are very far from each other… We had been in distance relationship.. And we are still far though ex.. What can I do?

  7. My fiance says drinking elevates his drive and he will want to be with me when I am tired and dont feel like it. We are both in our 50’s and work full time jobs. He feels that I am “witholding sex” as a punishment to him or out of resentment because I do not drink at all. When actually I am simply tired and need my rest. Because of his late hours of “partying” and late evenings at home I have gotten sick due to lack of sleep and lost a job because of it. He says he’s home at least and not running the streets or at bars. I almost rather he was gone. This is ruining our relationship although we love each other very much.

  8. This article sounds like the ultimate enabling of an alcoholic. Poor addict. What about us at the receiving end of the ugly behavior induced by alcohol? Most of us fall in love with a nice, loving person and later learn about their addiction. We didn’t fall in love with an alcoholic!

  9. I started tearing up right away reading this. My boyfriend of 4 years is an abusive alcoholic, whom I love. I plan on buying this book in hopes that I can learn to cope or leave

  10. Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience with an alcoholic boyfriend. It’s so difficult to know what to do or where to turn! Especially when you love him – and you live with him. Alcoholism is a terrible struggle, one of those battles that never goes away.

    Well…some alcoholics are able to give up drinking, easier than others! It’s never easy, but there is lots of hope for couples when the alcoholic has hit rock bottom and wants to stop drinking.

    Do you think your boyfriend wants to quit drinking? Deep in your heart, do you believe he’s ready to deal with his alcoholism?

  11. I have been in a relationship with a guy I believe to be an alcoholic. He has a strong background of alcoholic relatives, starting with his mom. His mom used to be the type of alcoholic who gets verbally and physically aggressive and abusive. My partner ended up on the streets and started drinking at a very young age. He is now 29 and I am 31. When I met him I knew he drank a lot, from what I saw and under my standards, but I did not know he used to drink almost daily before moving in with me. When he moved in with me I started seeing he drank 2 or 3 times during the week, plus heavier on the weekends. I was troubled because he does not get aggressive neither verbally or physically, at all. He keeps being his lovey dovey self, he just plays his PS4 while drinking, then cooks dinner, then we watch movies and go to sleep. He has never passed out, but has has a couple black outs where he does not clearly remembers certain conversations, but this has been rare. He keeps on going to work and everything seems to function normally. Though, I come from a family where neither my mother or father drank, so I am not used to it. I do drink socially and I am not gonna lie, I have binge drank and passed out on one of those crazy weekend nights, but we are talking of a once a month thing and not even. We have had so many arguments over his drinking, I hate coming home to a man whose breath and skin stinks to alcohol, to a home where I see bottles and bottles of beer, I hate seeing him grog sick next day and going to work like that, I hate how he looks after it, all pale and so old. He has made plenty of compromises after I have threatened to leave him. Though, he breaks those compromises again and again and twisting his words to his convenience. First he said he was going to stop drinking during the week and leave alcohol for the weekends; then, he changed it to have a couple beers once or twice a week night, but then his “couple” beers turned into two or three tall necks, not two or three standard drinks. He says he does not see the problem, that I am overreacting, that he likes his beers after work because he has a hard physical job, that he is not spending all our money nor gambling nor being irresponsible with work or family/friends commitments, that he just wants to enjoy a few beers here and there, that he is an adult and knows what he is doing. Some other times he accepts that he can not stop at two or three standard drinks, because it has no effect on him, he has built a high tolerance. I broke uo with him yesterday, again; he thought I was gonna change my mind, I asked him to come up with a plan on how to stop this situation, he did not, so I left. I am so heart broken, I do not know what to do. I do not really want to leave him and I have never felt this in love, he is supportive, hard worker, extremely caring to my needs and wants, but this one things is killing me even though it is not extreme. I do not know what to do.

    1. Omg I can relate! I felt like you were me while I read this I am now going on one year serious relationship, he’s 34 I’m 33 which is long distance and recently finding out that alcohol may be a problem for him, he is also so hard working, caring, faithful, our only arguments are when he is drunk, this is also not every day I can probably count 5xs but they were intense arguments and he doesn’t even remember what he said that at hurt me so much. I am just realizing he may have a problem because he will drink behind my back in secret. I know him so well now , it’s easy to tell when he had been drinking , I am noticing mood swings too. It’s so wierd for me I have never been in this situation. I love him so much , but I feel like I’m walking on egg shells when he is drinking. He is not abusive or anything like that, it’s the irrational arguments that only happen while he’s under influence. It’s such a sensitive subject I don’t even know how to address it withiut him getting so so so offended. I tried before and he said same thing I work hard why can’t I just have some beers after work”

      1. Hi..
        I’m going through the same thing only worst.. he abuses substance too. I am so sad and dishearten with grief and dispair if I will ever get the guy I fell in love with back, but then again he was probably the same person in disguised. He broke my heart once and I still found love for him only to have him disregard me again and again. How stupid can I be or how much can one take before forced to let go. I have no more answers only to know I deserve better.

  12. I am the girlfriend of an alcoholic. My bf and I have been dating going on three years. He recently had a severe pancreatitis attack and was hospitalized. He ended up getting Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome and ended up in ICU for 4 days which almost killed him. He promised he would never drink again after about three months of recovery he started drinking again and yes while still on his medication. He has a son from his previous marriage who is 14. He tells me he is not going to drink like he used to but already is and is lying to me. I love him but am so angry. I can’t even be with him when he is drinking because I want to smash the beer can in his face. After almost losing him and being by his side every day while hospitalized and in recovery, him drinking again feels like a slap in the face. I have threatened to break up with him but don’t follow through. I love the sober him so much because he is a goodhearted sweet guy. I hate the tipsy/drunk him. He talks slurry, acts stupid and gets angry easy and I can’t stand to be with him.. I tell him if he keeps drinking he is going to die, I tell him, don’t you want to be around for your son? I offer to help him and go to meetings with him, I never bring alcohol in the house but he buys it himself. He seems to think he is invisible because he only drinks beer and not the hard stuff but I tell him its the quantity. Before he was hospitalized he was drinking 12 beers a day and has admitted to me that he drank more than that and was lying to me. I am ready to give up and break up with him because I am sick of the thought that this liquid is the most important thing to him.
    Any advise? I am sure most advice is going to be to leave him but it is easier said than done.

    1. Hey sweety. I have an alcoholic boyfriend too and I never thought in my life I’d be with one because I don’t drink. Thing is he loves me unconditionaly. I’ve thought of leaving him but then again I know it not a wise thing to do because his not abusive at all. But the thing is I have found ways to survive in our relationship, days when he comes home drunk I’ve already prayed about it, when he arrives I’m calmer and most importantly being frustrated don’t help at all. I listen and nod and in the morning I remind him how lonely I feel when his drunk this reminds him that I need his attention continously. As long as you not being abused I’m sure you can find ways to be with him. As long as he still loves you and he takes care of his responsibility in the house that is the most important.
      All the best

    2. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for three years now, in the past two years I felt like I was living in the hell. We argued a lot and he even put his hand on me few times. He drinks almost every day, when he hangs out with his friends which by the way are all addicted to alcohol,they can drink from morning till really late. I am a fashion designer his a musician, we argued about stop drinking for so many times,. We broke up for like a week n half then realized couldn’t really live without each other, I care too much about him to the point I’ve lost myself and I know this is totally unhealthy. After we got back, I started to pay less attention on him since I have my own things to do, and things has gotten better ever since. Two weeks ago he made a promise that he will stop drinking for a year, but just couple nights ago he did it again, I really am tired of this but I love him very much, I love when his sober, it’s so talented and creative, so caring and sweet, but I can’t continually doing this to myself anymore.

  13. I am currently nineteen years old. This is my first boyfriend I ever had. At the beginning he was so sweet and showed me all his good side. He still has that side when he doesn’t drink or do drugs. My boyfriend is twenty years old and he has a drinking problem. At the beginning of are relationship he wouldn’t drink or anything. Later on when we spent more time with each other he started to. One night he spend it at my house and we went to Walmart with my mom and he ask her to buy him beer. I didn’t mind because I didn’t think he had a problem after that when it got worst. He ruined Christmas and New Years for me by drinking way too much. Oh and the day of Christmas morning that what he started to do drink, before eating or anything. Now it’s been a couple months, he used to drink a lot wormy his mom and that’s when I stop going over so much. He knew I didn’t like him drinking. Now that his mom left he moved in with me and I thought I could help him if he lived with me. That he could stop drinking but their been mutiple times when he sneaks off to get drunk or drinks. I love him so much but I can’t stand his drinking. I want him to move with his mom but don’t know if that’s a good idea. I want to be with him but the sober him. I want him to stop drinking and doing drugs when he drinks. I guess I need advice on what to do. So I tell him he needs to move and hopefully he realize that distance is not what he wants. Or is long distance gonna make everything worse ?? Help???

  14. my boyfriend is an alcoholic.I am now enrolled into psycology classes to try to help the women who suffer living with one and learn how an alcoholic can become better.I left my relationship cause i did not for me see it go anywhere. But i did all the wrong things i begged him ,cried,ended up in the hospital because i let him drive me there.Then i just left cause when they let me out of the hospital i was not getting any better.I love him it is so hard to let go but i see myself with no other choice,his friends or drinking buddies as i called them stopped having anything to do with him and did not like me.I went thru this before with an other alcoholic boyfriend and went to the classes and basically i learned you have to be one to get along with one.this one i tried talking to him ,to get him to talk to me but he wont share his past he just looks at me….i am clueless

  15. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, and although he doesn’t drink frequently, when he does drink, it’s excessive and he never has JUST one. He drinks 40 oz. malt liquor because beer doesn’t “do it for him”.
    He thinks that he mellows out but that’s not true. He doesn’t stop with one, and his promise to limit himself goes out the window when he finishes the bottle. He has been physical with me, (tries to have sex with me, grabs my hair, slaps me). This has happened three times, but he’s very sweet and loving and I’m very much in love with him. He was doing so well but in January he came home very drunk, was about to force me to have sex but ended up falling asleep and peeing the bed.
    The next day I helped him to sober up and I told him what he had done, that I was not going to stay if he came home this way again.
    It’s now March and we’re expecting a baby in less than a week and he decides to tell me he needs something because he works 14+ shifts and it’s not easy. He wants to drink every Friday. And if I don’t agree with this then we can’t be in a relationship. I don’t know how to feel. This baby is due less than a week from today and we are discussing our future but I feel that we just took a huge step back.

  16. I’m engaged to an alcoholic. He’s gotten in so much trouble over the years from
    drinking and driving and etc. his parents are recovering alcoholics for more than 30 years so he has never really been around it growing up except being with the wrong crowd of friends. He drinks beer every night not sure on how much but it just depends on his mood. When he drinks liquor he would pretty much almost drink the whole
    Bottle. He never really thinks he is drunk and we have had arguments before he never hurts me but just the thinks that he says hurts my feelings. Sometimes I keep telling myself why am I still with him? He is really a loving , caring, and great guy I just don’t like it when he drinks. He doesn’t ever think he’s drunk but that he’s just buzzed. He’s been through AA’s before when he was in trouble but he says they don’t work for him that it makes him more depressed about hearing everyone’s stories. I do feel like I need help to figure out how to help him. I love him so much and all I want is for him to improve and know when to stop drinking. I know it’s a challenge to marry an alcoholic. All I want is to understand what he’s going through.

    1. Honey, I’m going through the exact same thing. Your boyfriend sounds a lot like mine. On my end, I’ve been single for 3 years and have a good relationship with the father of my kids. No man has ever met my sons until my boyfriend now. Our life loved quickly, 2 months in we decided to buy a house and we are going to the notary in 2 weeks.. I’ve asked him to not drink in the presence of my kids- as i wouldn’t want this to get to my sons’ fathers ears and what if he would take the kids from me? (Even though we get along) Everyone knows how much I never liked alcoholics and now … I feel as though everything is a choice – and he is pushing me away…

  17. Dear Katlyn,

    It sounds like your boyfriend has a drinking problem. Worse, he may even be an alcoholic. The difference is that someone who has a drinking problem drinks more than they should, but they are able to stop drinking before they pass out or get drunk. An alcoholic, on the other hand, just can’t stop drinking until they pass out or blackout.

    Have you considered calling Al-Anon for some ideas on how to love and live with an alcoholic boyfriend? I think the best way to cope with the man you love who drinks too much is to connect with other women who are in the same situation. They will be able to help you by giving advice that directly relates to what you’re going through.

    May you find wisdom and peace as you move forward in your relationship with your boyfriend. May you find guidance and hope, and may your boyfriend somehow see what he is doing to himself, his relationship with you, and his life.

    Will you call Al-Anon sometime this week, and ask if they have a meeting you can attend? Please do that, and let me know how it goes.

  18. My boyfriend only drinks at home but it’s every night. He doesn’t understand that he becomes a different person. It’s hard to stay in love with someone that turns into a completely undependable person at night. I don’t know what to do anymore.

    1. My boyfriend is a different person when he drinks also. I record him with my phone when he is drunk and play it back to him but he doesn’t think he sounds bad. I am ready to leave him but love the sober him so much.

  19. Dear Lynn,

    Have you tried contacting a local Al-Anon group? There, you’ll find women who understand what it’s like to live with and love a boyfriend or husband who is struggling with alcoholism.

    Here are a few things to know about Al-Anon meetings for wives or girlfriends of alcoholics:

    Al‑Anon is a mutual support group. Everyone at the meeting shares as an equal. No one is in a position to give advice or direction to anyone else. Everyone at the meeting has experienced a problem with someone else’s drinking.

    You are free to ask questions or to talk about your situation at your first meeting. If you’d rather just listen, you can say “I pass,” or explain that you’d just like to listen.

    Every meeting is different. Each meeting has the autonomy to be run as its members choose, within guidelines designed to promote Al‑Anon unity. Al‑Anon recommends that you try at least six different meetings before you decide if Al‑Anon will be helpful to you.

    Al‑Anon is not a religious program. Even when the meeting is held in a religious center, the local Al‑Anon group pays rent to that center and is not affiliated in any way with any religious group. Your religious beliefs—or lack of them—are not a subject for discussion at Al‑Anon meetings, which focus solely on coping with the effects of someone’s drinking. Here’s how one Al‑Anon member found the “Higher Power” of his own understanding.

    It will take some time to fully understand the significance of anonymity to the Al‑Anon program. But at its simplest level, anonymity means that the people in the room will respect the confidentiality of what you say and won’t approach you outside the room in a way that compromises your privacy or the privacy of anyone who attended an Al‑Anon meeting.

    The meeting will likely begin with a reading of the Twelve Steps of Al‑Anon. It will take some time to fully understand how the Twelve Steps can be a helpful tool in recovering from the effects of someone’s drinking. But Al‑Anon gives you the opportunity to grow at your own pace.

    Here’s the website link:

  20. How do I find woman that understand with whom I can talk. I feel so alone and often times im afraid I can’t trust him. I’m losing this battle quickly and I need help.

  21. Melody Beattie is superb! I’ve read two books of her about codependency. After 4 years with alcoholic I actually think that a big portion of responsibility is on us, girls. I think this article is very fundamental, do an internet search for “Brides of Alcoholics” by some Russian author. It has changed my mind a lot these days. And I also think that the best thing that relatives can do to the alcoholic is the motivational crisis.

  22. I am in my early 50’s. My boy’s father whom I was with 15 yrs was an alcoholic. I divorced him. Eight years later while extremely drunk, he shot and killed himself. I am a retired RN and have seen the end of the stories of addictions through mental health patients and Hospice. I recently moved back to my home town and started dating a old high school classmate that turns out as a ragging alcoholic. I had to end the relationship. I can’t voluntarily live through an alcoholic relationship. However he is extremely manipulative turning his addiction to being my fault. I should love and accept him the way he is. He accuses me of being selfish. I have education and personal experience with the addictive behavior and it’s still difficult to completely break the ties.
    Don’t be afraid to seek help. You’re never going to be woman enough to stop the addiction. Neither am I.