Relationships > Families > How to Handle Parents Who Interfere in Your Relationship

How to Handle Parents Who Interfere in Your Relationship

What do you do when your parents try to break up your relationship? These tips on how to handle parents who interfere in relationships are inspired by a reader’s question…

“My boyfriend and I moved in together after six years – we asked for their opinion and they said that they were uncomfortable but okay with it,” says J. on How to Cope With a Mother-in-Law Who Doesn’t Like You. “Suddenly his parents say they don’t like me…and they would pay him to move out ASAP. He and I don’t know what to do about this. I want so bad to work things out with them but they only talk to him. I have every respect for them and am beyond hurt (not to mention I cannot afford the apartment myself). Any suggestions?”

Yes, I have a few thoughts on your situation! My first thought is that you and your boyfriend need to set and stick to your boundaries – and read the book Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life. You need to learn how to handle parents who are interfering in your love life!

And here are a few tips…

How to Handle Parents Who Interfere in Your Relationship

I’m flying blind here, because I don’t know how old this couple is (is the boyfriend 16 years old? 42 years old?), whether or not they’re financially independent, and what the parents have actually said to the boyfriend.

I’ll assume that J. and her boyfriend aren’t mooching money off his parents, and that they’re in their early 20s.

Remember that if you live with your parents, you live by their rules

If you and your boyfriend lived with his parents or were moving back in with his parents, then they have the right to interfere in your relationship by setting rules and expecting you to live by them. But you and your boyfriend are living in your own apartment, earning your own money, and paying your own bills. So, you and your boyfriend need to be able to stand up to his parents and be mature about the situation.

If you’re an independent, responsible adult, then it doesn’t matter if your parents are interfering and want to break up your relationship. It’s a pain to live with parents who disapprove of your relationship, but your life is your life.

Learn to live with parents who don’t approve of your relationship

parents interfere in relationshipDealing with difficult parents – whether you live with them or not – isn’t a walk in the park. My husband lived with his last girlfriend, and it caused a lot of problems between him and his parents. His way to handle parents who tried to interfere in his relationship was to stand up to them and said he wanted to live his own life on his own terms. It wasn’t an easy time for any of them, but my husband believed he was an adult who could make his own decisions…no matter what his parents thought.

You can’t always make your parents (or your in-laws) happy. You should try to live in peace as far as it depends on you, but you can’t bend over backwards to make sure your parents or in-laws approve of everything you do. At some point, you need to live your own life and make your own rules.

And sometimes that means being hurt and feeling disrespected by your – or your boyfriend’s – parents.

Remember that you don’t know what his boyfriend and his parents talk about

I’m curious why his parents are offering him money to move out. It sounds fishy to me – almost like he’s said he wants to move out, but can’t afford to. Or, that maybe the deal was you two would live together for a short time, until one or both of you were financially independent.

J’s boyfriend’s parents are only talking to him, which makes me wonder what exactly is being said. Her boyfriend may not be telling her everything because he doesn’t want to hurt her, or he doesn’t want to make things worse.

I think there’s some missing information here, but that’s okay. The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter that J’s boyfriend’s parents want him to move out. What does her boyfriend want to do…what does she want to do? That’s what matters most.

For more tips on handling interfering parents, read Dealing With Toxic People Before They Take You Down.

Your comments are welcome, but I can’t offer advice. Sometimes just writing about your experience can help you sort through your feelings, though. Feel free to sort away here!


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11 thoughts on “How to Handle Parents Who Interfere in Your Relationship”

  1. Hi my name is bhavna. I got recently married in May 17 .I Am 33 year old girl. I am an engineering graduate and worked for last 10 years. I got married to a boy of 35 yrs age as B Com graduate. It was a arrange marriage affair. Though he was not qualified like me but what he told was he was working in a company who is paying him 50000 pm. He was in my family relationships. So my parents agreed my on the marriage saying he earns good salary. He lives with his family where his father merely has a shop of daily uses which earns him about 20000 pm. His younger brother too shares the same shop. I thought that he is working so there will be no inteference from his family though living in joint session. But soon after marriage his behavior was very rude. He starts avoiding me. After 10 days of my marriage I suffered from fever which his family took no serious concern for it and keep on delaying by saying you will be OK without consulting doctor. After living for 10 days more and waiting that may be my husband will See Me to a doctor in his house he hasn’t shown any interest for it. I took my last option and came to my home where doctor declared me jaundice. I live in my home till one month. During that period he and his family never come and see me. Suddenly when I was home I came to know that my husband lied for his job. From past 9 months he is job less and sits with his father on that shop. I came to know that they lied and have done marriage with me. Now I met with his family with my family saying OK we can shift to Delhi where I will do job and of course you will also find a new job and we will start over again. But he refuses and says he will not leave his family. Whether you be with me or not. My family Now wants me to go back and give one more chance to him. But he has no regrets in saying lies and doing marriage. Neither his family members too they say so what if we lied? Please suggest what should I do now? Please mail me your answer.

  2. How are your parents’ comments about your boyfriend jeopardizing your relationship? Are they actively interfering or getting in the way of you and your boyfriend’s time together?

  3. I am having a problem with my parents liking my boyfriend. They say they like him. But behind his back they say that he is cheating on me. How do I deal with this? My mom mostly says “why does your boyfriend every Saturday night not spend time with you?” He was on vacation with his friend for a weekend. He is going into the army soon at the end of the summer. Wanted to spend time with him before he went. But my mom was like “he should spend time with his friends Wednesdays and then u saturdays”. I don’t know how to deal with this. It is jeaportizing our relationship. What do I do?