No matter how much you care about someone, sometimes it’s better to break up than stay together. These 8 tips on how to break up with someone you care about will help you say good-bye in the least painful way possible.
These tips for breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend will help you say it’s over with less pain and awkwardness – but breaking up is hard to do, no matter how many quips and tips you’re armed with! It hurts to break up with someone, and there’s no getting around that pain.
“Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak; sometimes it means you’re strong enough to let go.” – Unknown
Breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend could be one of the healthiest things you ever do – and your newfound freedom may help you set and achieve new goals in your life!
For more info on ending relationships, read Dump ‘Em: How to Break Up with Anyone from Your Best Friend to Your Hairdresser by Jodyne Speyer.
And, read on for tips on how to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend…
How to Break Up With Someone You Care About
If you’re not sure if you should break up with you boyfriend or girlfriend, read 7 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship.
1. Say good-bye in person, face to face
I know it’s “ugh”, but your partner deserves a face-to-face good-bye, and maybe even a discussion about why the relationship is over. Don’t use email, voicemail, or text messages (or Twitter or Facebook or YouTube) to end a love relationship, even if you’ve only been together a few weeks or months.
2. Choose the “least worst” time and place
Some of the worst times to end relationships are right after family funerals, on New Year’s Eve, at huge public events, and just before birthdays. When you’re figuring out how to say a love relationship is over, you’ll never find the best time and place – but you can choose the least worst ones! Choose a place that’s private, and allows the other person to react without being embarrassed.
3. Practice what you will say when you break up
Before you meet, rehearse the most important things you want to say – but don’t give a totally “canned” performance. Say something like, “I’m sorry to say this, but I just don’t see us going forward together. You deserve to be in a wonderful relationship, but I don’t think I’m the one.” By the way — if you’re ending the relationship because of physical or emotional infidelity, you might be interested in rebuilding trust after a betrayal.
4. Talk about the strengths of the relationship, and of your partner
When you’re having “the talk”, point out his or her positive traits. Share what you liked about your relationship, and what did work. This tip for saying it’s over won’t make everything all right in that moment, but your partner will remember it later and perhaps feel a little better.
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5. Don’t blame yourself for wanting out
Breaking up with someone you care about doesn’t mean you’re selfish, wrong, or bad. It just means it’s time to move on and close that chapter in your life. You have your reasons for saying good-bye. Don’t let your partner guilt you into staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons.
If you feel guilty that the relation is ending, read Dealing With Guilt After Breaking Up.
6. Recognize how difficult saying good-bye to someone you care about is
Do you feel sad, afraid, awkward, or terrible about saying it’s over? Tell your partner just how hard it is to break up with him or her. Be as honest as possible; say something like, “I don’t know how to say this because it’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but there’s something you need to know.”
7. Give your partner a chance respond
Ending a love relationship can involve anger, tears, bitterness — or no reaction at all! Part of saying “our relationship is over” involves letting your partner share feelings and emotions. Remember that the initial reaction might be awkward (even scary and painful!), but it’ll soon wind down…and you both will be able to talk calmly. Soon, you’ll both be at the “letting go” stage.
Also, be prepared for the possibility that your partner won’t accept the fact that your relationship is over.
8. Show some understanding
If you’ve ever been “dumped”, then you know how bad it feels! Expressing your empathy may help your partner cope with breaking up. You could say something like, “I can understand that you’re angry and hurt. This isn’t the way I wanted our relationship to work out, either. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
Are you worried about how you’ll feel after? Read 7 Ways to Deal With Depression After a Breakup.
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If you need relationship help, get Mort Fertel's 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage - and FREE advice, no strings attached.