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How to Affair Proof Your Marriage – The Truth About Cheating

Knowing how to affair proof your marriage can protect you from the aftermath of marital infidelity! These ways to affair proof your marriage are from marriage counselor Gary Neuman, on the Oprah Winfrey show.

Here, he explains why men cheat and offers three ways to affair proof your marriage. Neuman is all about avoiding infidelity — he says it’s easier to affair proof your marriage than rebuild trust after an affair.

“My goal is to empower women to bring out the best in their husbands, so wives can get the best out of their marriages,” said Neuman on Oprah. If women are empowered, men are less likely to cheat.

Neuman wrote The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It – and Oprah said that the book and the discussions are all about insight and information (not blaming wives if their husbands cheat).

Here, Neuman explains three ways to affair proof your marriage…

Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage

The truth about marital infidelity is that men leave because they don’t have an emotional connection with their wives. It’s not primarily the physical intimacy that lures men away. Some men will cheat no matter what; Neuman says there’s something very wrong with them. They’re not cheating because of emotional disconnection in the marriage.

1. Appreciate your husband. Neuman says that one of the best ways to prevent cheating is to appreciate your husband. He encourages women to start conversations with their husbands when they feel emotionally disconnected. Once you start talking about it, you start reconnecting. “The more you give appreciation, the more it returns to you,” says Neuman.

This will affair proof your marriage because your husband will feel loved, appreciated, and respected at home…which makes him less likely to look for love elsewhere.

“Men receive appreciation and love from the woman they’re cheating with,” says Neuman. So, affair proof your marriage by loving and appreciating your husband as much as you can. One husband told Oprah and Neuman that the woman he cheated with called him a “Superman”, which made him want to be with her.


The rest of this article has been moved to my new site, “Quips and Tips for Money and Love.”

Please go to How to Prevent an Affair and Protect Your Marriage to continue reading!



Gary Neuman is currently writing another book about why women cheat, and how husbands can prevent their wives from having affairs.

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Would you ask your spouse to take a lie detector test if you thought he or she was cheating? I think asking shows a lack of trust and isn’t the best way to affair proof your marriage…but if it settles the suspicions once and for all, then it might be worth it.

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21 thoughts on “How to Affair Proof Your Marriage – The Truth About Cheating”

  1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks for your thoughts. I think the best tip for “affair proofing your marriage” is simply loving your spouse from the bottom of your heart, and treating him or her with respect, kindness, love, and generosity.

    It’s not about making sure your spouse doesn’t cheat…it’s about building a healthy, happy marriage. Which takes work.

  2. I am a guy so I hope you don’t mind me posting on here but I think it is up to both people to work on their relationship and treat each other with compassion, understanding and kindness. Guys do as much as you can to help out around the house (that means doing at least half the housework and child care) and none of the I’m so tired I have been working all day b*****t, looking after children is a full time job that is even more stressful than what you do at work. I also think that guys should look after their child(ren) for at least a couple of hours a week so that their wife/gf can go out with her friends or have a bit of time to herself. If you are looking after the children at home take a look around is there laundry that need to be done? Put it in the washing machine so it can wash while you are playing/painting/baking/doing homework with your kid(s), dishes in the sink that need washing then wash them and try and take it in turns cooking dinner, or cook it together, although if the kid(s) need dinner before you get home then you cook at the weekend. I also don’t understand how guys can be attracted to someone else when they are in a relationship/marriage I means seriously commitment, love, history, knowing that you will get to share the rest of your life with one person is so hot! Does a random stranger come anywhere close to the intimacy, history, emotions and memories that you share with your partener? H**l no, not a chance and if your still tempted (how could you be when the person you are with will always be so much better) make sure you are never alone and never let them have a way of contacting you outside of work, if you are at a bar and someone is flirting with you tell them you are in a relationship and if they don’t listen leave. Seriously its not rocket science and I can’t belive I wrote this as it seems SO obvious -Aaron

  3. It’s up to the wife because men are weak and ruled by their other “head.” In fact, when it comes to other women they will do everything they can get away with. All men desire to sleep with multiple women, even when they claim to be in love with you. This is what they are wired for. At some point they grow tired of being with you unless you’re a supreme game-player who can keep his interest peaked. Even still the urge to look at, be in proximity to and enjoy other women never leaves him. If he is an alpha male he can fulfill these needs in a more straight forward manner. If not there is pornography, soft-pornography of men’s magazines and other media, random women on the street he may gawk at Hooters and strip clubs or platonic friendships with women he works with or attends school with. He will choose these “platonic” friendships based on his sexual attraction to these women. You will have to police this behavior to ensure it doesn’t escalate to addiction or emotional or physical affairs because he won’t. He may think he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you, but its difficult to control and part of him doesn’t really want to. That’s why as a woman you need to be on guard about the other women your man is in contact with. If he’s weird about other women you may have a problem.

  4. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks for your perspective, cynicgal!

    Have you been burned by men in the past? It sounds like you know alot of men who have treated women badly…certainly, not all men cheat on their wives.

  5. Ladies, it’s time to face the terrible truth about men. They are selfish and they are not wired to love you as a real human being. At best you’re a c*m bucket to him and a maid. Men have two needs from women: sex and stroking his puny little ego. Think about this. If a man truly loved you would he perv on other women in front of you? (One of the number one complaints about men from women is that he is constantly jerking his neck in the direction of another woman). Would he become disinterested in you the minute you get your first wrinkle, gain a few pounds, or give birth to his child? Men are not wired to love us. They are wired to impregnate us and move on. That’s why as time goes by, he automatically begins to lose interest in you and his eyes start wandering to other women, younger more fertile women. Sure, in the beginning he may pull out the stops with love and affection, but just long enough for him to fulfill his biological imperative. This is also why men who are rich and powerful cheat on their wives more often. Because they can. They will risk everything to fulfill his natural imperative to reproduce with as many young, fertile women as he can get his hands on.

    Men are as faithful as their options. All men want to be with as many chicks as possible. And if you are just average he gets his needs for girls through p*****raphy, clubs, staring down girls on the street and any media which is constantly introducing young, beautiful women. The only ways you could possibly hope to keep a man truly faithful is to keep him away from close proximity with other women and the media or to remain young and beautiful forever with the ability to morph into a different woman every night.

    Even if a man has no issues with you, you show him love affection and ply him with constant affection he may still cheat on you. If he works with young things, or he has lots of power and money that brings him into proximity with girls who like his power, you can just give up the notion of faithfulness. An open marriage may be the best thing for you or better yet simply stay single. Either way, you will never be loved, only exploited. Men get tired of you real quick because they are wired for polygamy.

    It is a mystery to me why women think they can get emotional intimacy from men. They don’t even want to listen to your problems half the time, and think women’s concerns are trivial. Rely on your women friends for emotional support and friendship. It is not possible with men. I know some of you ladies may think but I have guy friends. The only way you could have a guy friend is if he is gay and has no s**ual interest in you whatsoever. Otherwise you have a guy friend who is hanging around you with an option to get you in bed at some later date. In fact he targeted you for “friendship” because he thought you were cute to begin with. Look it up. I’m not making this sh* up.

    The only man who truly loves you is your father, and he could be jiving too.

  6. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    I agree — it shouldn’t be up to the wife to affair proof the marriage. But, I do think wives have a lot of control in the marriage. Sometimes it’s the wife who sets the tone and directs the marriage. If she has more power in the marriage than the husband does (and I think many wives do), then she has more control in affair proofing the marriage.

  7. Yes, why is it up to the woman to affair proof her marriage? My ex left me for someone totally revolting and unintelligent. That relationship did not last long and I ended up taking him back. What a mistake that was. All he does is talk about her and believe me she is a total loser. I might have understood if he left me for someone better, but way worse. What gives. If you have to spend all your time making sure he’s happy then what is he doing for you?

  8. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Hi Berry,

    Thanks for your perspective on affairs and open marriages! I don’t know if the wives reading this are upset, but I for one appreciate your advice. I think it’s important to realize that many men really are like children, and many do need constant attention…and if they don’t get enough affection and love at home, they will get it elsewhere.

    I’m curious about your open marriage, though. What are the benefits of marriage if you’re intimate with other people? Wouldn’t it be easier to just be single?

    I appreciate your thoughts!


  9. I have been the other woman for years, and I can tell you it is primarily because of the man doesn’t feel appreciated as a whole individual person. I have been married for 13 years and I make a point of telling my husband every day he is loved and wanted. I make a point of spoiling him whether it be by bringing his cup of coffee to him in bed or making his plate for him. I buy his favorite snack for him, or just sit at night and love on him affectionately to show I care. I know there are women who are going to get pissed because of the things i say. Men are just like children, they need constant attention. I have “dated” this married man for 5 years, the main reason he says he has an affair with me is because of the special attention i give him on a frequent basis. I wish the women luck with their husbands. Don’t be afraid to try new positions, or be spontaneous in their love life.

  10. Everyone’s like, “I would do this,” and “women should…” and “a woman should just leave.” Well, I have three young children, one of whom is autistic. My husband DID cheat, while I was pregnant. On top of that, (though I didn’t know at the time)while I was giving birth, his skanky b***h was babysitting my son. Guess what? My son came home with crabs in his hair–apparently that b**ch’s apartment was crawling with them. I have long hair and I got them on my head too. Yeah, the entire neighborhood knew, but not me–he humiliated me. I married a scumbag.
    You speculate all you want about what you would do. Right now it’s not economical to toss him out yet. I’ll teach him the meaning of pain by the time I’m done with him. I intend to cheat on that effing jerk the first chance I get. PS: the above article sucked!

  11. @siobhan: Believe me, there are lists miles long of what a man needs to do for a woman so that she won’t leave him.

  12. If you mistakenly suspect your husband or wife is cheating, then your suspicions alone could make them cheat (even if they weren’t to begin with)?

    I do understand self-fulfilling prophecies – I’m awed by them, in fact – but can your belief that someone is immoral or unethical actually cause them to become immoral or unethical? I know some psychologists believe you can raise a child to become anything you want….but can your suspicion that your wife or husband is cheating lead to them actually doing it?

  13. Ahem. If a wife suspects her husband is cheating, she should leave the marriage. A wife suspecting her husband with no basis can have a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  14. Asking your husband to take a lie detector test would be the right thing to do in certain circumstances, though it’s a major sign of distrust!

    If you’re married to someone who has cheated in the past, and you have a solid reason to believe he (or she) is cheating again…then asking your spouse to take a lie detector test could be the only way to find out the truth.

    Like Lanieta said — she doesn’t know if she can believe her husband. A lie detector test could ease her suspicions (or confirm them), which would allow her to move on.

    So though I can’t imagine asking my husband to take one, I can see how they could be valuable.

  15. This is such a load. If my wife wanted me to take a polygraph test I would leave her on principle. A marriage is trust based, a polygraph is not. F this guy

  16. Once you grant that men and women are fundamentally different it is easy to grant that what has them be at their best can also be different. Of course,women also like to be appreciated but the distinction here is that appreciation is not just what a man likes …it is what gives him purpose and is what will have him produce results. I can relate to your frustration siobhan… heck… the deal hardly seems worth it. Neuman would do well to up the ante. Actually when a man is operating at his best a woman can have whatever she wants…why think small..what could you get/hold that would make it worth the effort? Thing big sister!

  17. I have read/heard this guy before and what makes me crazy is why is it up to the WIFE to do all these things? I have to be attentive, loving, sexy, interesting so HE doesn’t cheat on ME? What does HE have to do? I hope there is a chapter in there about what the husband needs to do so the wife actually WANTS to be attentive and loving.