If you’re single and nervous about dating (or you hate dating), you’ll find at least one way to enjoy “date night” in these tips! They’re from psychologist and author Paulette Kouffman Sherman, PhD.
“My boyfriend used to ask his mother, ‘How can I find the right woman for me?’ and she would answer, ‘Don’t worry about finding the right woman- concentrate on becoming the right man.'”
I don’t know who said this, but it’s a great dating tip for women, too! Make it your goal to become the woman you admire, trust, and respect…and you’ll attract a good man. If you don’t have anyone to date yet, read How to Find a Good Man for You – Blossom.
For more tips on being single and dating, read Dr Sherman’s Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart.
And, here are her tips for singles who are nervous about dating, with a special emphasis on the law of attraction.
10 Ways to Enjoy Dating When You’re Single and Nervous
1. Be deliberate when you “dig for gold.” One of the best ways to enjoy dating – and life in general – is to look for something good in all your dates. That’s what “digging for gold” is about! You don’t have to marry him, but it’d be good to stay positive! We often judge our date from the first minute: ‘Is he tall enough? Is he husband material?’ Notice when you do this, take a deep breath and allow yourself to look for something good so you both enjoy your time together even more.
2. Be positive about love. Challenge your negative beliefs about being single and dating. Take a piece of paper and write down every limiting thought that you have about dating and the opposite sex (for example, “I’ll never fall in love or find the right person.”). Then find an exception to it (“Singles meet and fall in love with the right people all the time!”). Negative beliefs hold you back from letting love in, which will stop you from achieving your relationship goals. Here’s another example:
- (limiting belief) ‘Meeting ‘the One’ should happen naturally.’
- (challenge) ‘I have to work at school, finding a good career, etc, – and also at finding a mate!’
3. Be kind to yourself. Dating often makes us feel miserable because we judge ourselves the whole time. You can hardly hear the other person because your mind chatter says, ‘If only I was thinner, I’d feel ready to date’ or ‘How can he like me if I don’t know a lot about politics?’ Remind yourself why you are a good catch! Everyone has things to improve on … but there are so many wonderful things about you. If you’re single and nervous about dating, concentrate on your strengths. It’ll help you stay present and positive.
If you struggle to make small talk, read 10 Interesting Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend.
4. Temporarily suspend your expectations. To enjoy date night, let your relationship evolve naturally. Don’t rush things. Do you drive yourself crazy when he doesn’t call the next day? Do you try to control every aspect of what he’ll do instead of just letting the relationship unfold? Instead, keep busy with your own life and let things happen naturally over time.
5. Have a great dating context. Most people consider dating a necessary misery. If expectations create outcomes, why not expect to have fun? Create a dating context that will serve you no matter what happens. For example, ‘I will learn something valuable from every person I meet.’ Then make it your business to do so. Also, read 7 Ways to Avoid Dating Disasters — because planning a great date will set up you for a successful dating context!
6. Cast your net wide and try new things. To enjoy the dating scene, date outside your comfort zone and be willing to give different people a chance. Dating requires some adventure. Perhaps you have gone to clubs but you have never tried speed dating or online dating? Think ‘outside the box’ and be willing to try at least five new approaches in dating.
7. Be willing to learn how to be a great date! Think of the world as one large classroom where you can learn and grow. Focus on how each date can teach you something new about yourself and dating. Often people think that dating is a waste of time if they don’t meet ‘Mr. or Mrs. Right’ right away – but it could be time well spent.
8. Share what you love. One of the hardest things about being single is sharing who you are – that in itself makes people nervous. So, practice revealing who you are. We’re all at our best when discussing things we love, whether it is our jobs, volunteer work, travel, etc. Let yourself be known and the right mate will stick around!
9. Be interested in your date. Don’t assume you can tell who someone is from their appearance. If you look for what lights someone up, you will leave them feeling great and you will enjoy your time more, too. Read 10 First Date Conversation Starters for tips on making conversation with someone new. Being genuinely interested in your date will help you be less nervous because you’ll forget yourself.
10. Take action. Walk your talk when it comes to love! So many singles think they can just sit around in their pajamas and the right person will find them. If you want to meet a great date, then you need to go out! Make a choice to go to social functions, classes, etc at least twice a week.
If you’re recently divorced, read Dating After Divorce – 3 Things You Need to Know.
Still nervous about dating? Share how you feel in the comments section below. I can’t offer advice, but you might find that writing about it is helpful.
For more information about Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman, go to My Dating School.