Once a cheater, always a cheater? Not necessarily. Here’s how to know if he’ll cheat again – the answer will surprise you! Marriage coach Mort Fertel says spouses who cheat are less likely to cheat again. So, you shouldn’t necessarily leave your boyfriend or husband if you caught him having an affair.
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Is he willing to read books like When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love? Here’s what one reader says: “My boyfriend cheated on me, and said he wouldn’t do it again. But he wouldn’t go to counseling with me and he wouldn’t read any self-help books about relationships. So I broke up with him. A week later he was in a relationship with another girl and he cheated on her a month later.”
It’s not enough that he says “I’m sorry I cheated on you.” He needs to actively work towards winning your trust back and rebuilding your relationship. If a husband is willing to work hard on the marriage, he isn’t likely to cheat again. Here’s what Mort Fertel says: “At this point in a husband’s life, given all he’s been through and learned, what are the chances that he’ll cheat again? If this woman gave him another chance, what’s the likelihood that he’d make the same mistake that almost caused him to lose his family years before? In my opinion, it’s dramatically less than 50%. In fact, I think it’s slim to none.”
Husbands who cheated may be more trustworthy than men who never cheated. Below, Mort Fertel explains his theory that he (your husband or boyfriend) will not cheat again.
And, here’s what Mort Fertel says about why men who cheat won’t cheat again…
Will He Cheat Again? The Surprising Answer
“My spouse cheated on me, apologized 100 times, stopped his affair, and is committed to being a new man,” says Beth. “I see he’s changed. But wouldn’t I be better off divorcing him and starting fresh with someone new?”
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After a husband cheats on his wife, there’s so much pain, baggage, and a mountain of hurt to heal. Is it possible to rebuild a marriage after the trust is broken? Can you heal from your ordeal?
Does it make sense to just start a new relationship with someone else? Maybe not.
Most spouses who cope with infidelity (and other emotional hardships) believe that they’ll be safer in a relationship with someone who never cheated on them or hurt them. I completely understand this feeling…but the opposite might be true.
Spouses Who Cheat Are Less Likely to Cheat Again
In Beth’s case, it appears that her husband really changed. He genuinely wants to save his marriage and reconnect with his wife.
I’ve seen many people transform themselves after getting the ‘I want a divorce’ wake up call. Unless her husband is a pathological liar or an addict, he’s less likely to cheat on her again, compared to someone whose track record is clean.
In other words, once a spouse learns their lesson about how destructive an affair is to a marriage, they’re less vulnerable to make the same mistake than someone who never cheated.
Beth has a choice. If she leaves her cheating spouse, he’ll most likely fall in love with another woman and treat her like a queen. He’ll be the husband to his new wife that Beth always wanted him. I’ve seen it happen too often. But, Beth has another option. She could forgive her husband, save her marriage, and become the lucky woman who gets treated like a queen.
The question is: how do you heal after finding out that your spouse cheated on you? How do you forgive? How do you get to the point where you’re able to give your husband another chance?
You shouldn’t stay with your partner if you think he will cheat again. If you’re confused because your instincts are telling you he’s not trustworthy, read 5 Signs Your Husband is Cheating and Lying About His Affair.
“No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.” – George Chakiris.
I welcome your thoughts on how to know if he’ll cheat on you again, but I can’t offer advice. You may find it helpful to share your experience; writing can bring clarity and insight.