How to Stop Cheating in a Relationship 21


These tips on how to stop cheating in a relationship will help you move into peace, freedom, and reconnection with yourself and others. Cheating in a relationship is destructive to you, the person you’re having the affair with, and the person you’re committed to. Learning how to stop cheating will bring you peace.

how to stop cheating in a relationshipThe first step to stop cheating on your spouse is learning why you cheat. Read When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships by Mira Kirshenbaum. Get insight into why relationship cheating happens, and how you can be a healthy, happy person.

Cheating doesn’t make you a “bad” person. You need intimacy and connection, and you’re having an affair because you’re trying to meet those needs. Now that you want to stop cheating, you have to learn how to detach from the person you’re having an affair with, and rebuild your relationship.





“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles, they’re reasons to break up,”  said Patti Henry. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re being cheating on or if you’re the one who is cheating in a relationship…you can’t continue. Long-term affairs will drag your soul into the muck. They aren’t good or healthy for anyone.

Tips on How to Stop Relationship Cheating

I offer these tips on how to stop cheating in a relationship because of a reader’s description of why she cheats on her husband. This reader didn’t ask for tips on how to stop cheating, but I needed to write this article. It’s wrong on so many levels to cheat when you’re in a commited relationship, and I encourage you to break it off and wipe the slate clean.

Figure out why you’re having the affair

People have emotional or physical affairs for different reasons, but the bottom line is that they’re getting something out of the adulterous relationship. If you want to stop cheating on your partner, ask yourself what caused you to be unfaithful. Maybe you felt attractive, understood, and passionate with the person outside your marriage. In Why Men Cheat, marriage counselor Gary Neuman discusses several reasons people have affairs.

Find ways to get the same benefits in your marriage

To stop cheating in a relationship, find healthy ways to enjoy the same benefits you were getting from the emotional or physical affair. For instance, if you felt understood in the adulterous relationship, then work on your communication with your partner. Find ways to meet your needs within your marriage.

Expect stopping the obsession to be difficult

Sometimes it’s easy to end the affair because you know how much it hurts your partner and kids (even if they don’t know about it), and you want to save your marriage. Other times, you don’t want to leave the adulterous relationship – but you know you have to. Preparation is half the battle: expect it to be difficult and even painful to stop cheating on your partner.

Accept that you’re letting go of someone you love

Some affairs are strictly physical, which may be easier in terms of finding ways to stop cheating on your partner. Emotional infidelity or affairs of the heart may be more difficult to end, because there’s a very real connection between two people. If you don’t want to stop cheating because your relationship is based on love (you think), read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.

Put your spouse first – and learn how to express your love

How to Stop Cheating in a Relationship

How to Stop Cheating in a Relationship

Perhaps this should be the first way to stop cheating on your partner! You made a wrong choice when you embarked on this physical or emotional affair. You deceived your spouse, you disrespected his or her feelings, and you broke your marriage vows. To end the affair, you have to accept that you made a mistake – and you need to be mature, responsible, and loving enough to re-commit yourself to your partner. You may also want to learn about the five love languages, to help save your marriage.

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. MacDonald will help you avoid the problems that doom marriages after affairs, give you skills to cope with your partner’s obsessions and “triggers,” and help you find ways to undo the damage from your lies and cheating. If you want to stop cheating in a relationship, you need to learn the difference between helpful and harmful apologies, and focus on rebuilding your broken life, relationships, and integrity.

Get individual or marriage counseling

Rebuilding your relationship may not be as simple as ending the affair and communicating with your spouse. Infidelity is a symptom of other problems in the relationship – and to reconnect with your partner, you need to deal with what the real problem is. This tip on how to stop cheating in a relationship is about getting as emotionally and spiritually healthy as you can.

If you’re not married but you’re involved in an affair, read How to Stop Dating a Married Man.




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I welcome your thoughts on how to stop cheating in a relationship. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight.


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21 thoughts on “How to Stop Cheating in a Relationship

  • Hopeless in TN

    I have been with my husband for 16 years. I have cheated on him over 10 times. I hate the fact that I’ve been a cheater and I don’t want to cheat on him anymore I want to go to marriage counseling I committed the ultimate betrayal this time. I cheated on him with his brother. I love my husband all together we have seven children. Three are mine and four of them are ours. One of our children died at the age of two and a half months old that just made my cheating worse. I’m very insecure I have low self-esteem and I stay severely depressed all the time. I really want to do right by my husband this time. I feel that I don’t deserve him. He stays so angry with me and constantly throws it up in my face so that I have to live it down every day. When all I want to do is forget about it and move on. I know why I cheat and I know what to do to prevent it from happening. I know that I am deeply in love with my husband and don’t want to lose our marriage. I have asked him about buying those CDs. He’s not willing to spend that kind of money. He believes that if I really love him I will just won’t cheat on him but he can’t get past it. I feel in my heart that my cheating days are over. I’ve never felt this way since the first time I cheated on him. I want to grow stronger and be a better person please help.

  • Susan

    Hi im a cheater and with my last affair the guy wants me to have a divorce and go live with him and thats when i realised in so deep down and so very sad ive got 2 daughters who will break when i leave . Ive hurt the guy so badly i feel i wanna die. Please can you help me im so messed up and depressed

  • vincy van mara

    hello everyone, I have a serious problem, I am a cheater and a liar. I want to stop this kind of life because I don’t know what exactly makes me to cheat. help me.

  • Roosevelt Lewis

    I was married and left her for another women I really love this women and I got caught showing my private to some women and her on Facebook I really love the women that I’m wit she’s help me threw so much in my life to think I would or could do this to her many that I’m a horrible person I want to and need to change my ways and my thoughts I need some help wit this so email me and help me out

    • vincy van mara

      get out of that relationship, take some time to think about your life n your future,n ask yourself what exactly do you want in ur life n what kind of women you want.

  • Marie

    I am having an affair with a married man, I know it’s wrong and we both tried to call it off several times, but we are drawn back to each other like magnets. I have read so many books on how to leave someone you love and even encouraged him to go to marriage counseling. He says to me please don’t leave me, but I feel lost and alone. Should I just cut ALL ties with this man. Never talk to him again ,never text him again ?

  • Together 17 years

    I’ve been with my husband for 17 years, been married for seven of it. I’m a very messed up person I’ve been messed with all my life, raped I don’t know how many times, sex has been a big role in my life. At one point in my life I thought if you loved me you had to have be intimate with me, haha joke was on me. I really don’t know why I cheat on my husband or how to stop cheating.
    I didn’t cheat on him like once or twice I’ve done it like 10 or 20 times. I don’t want to, I really don’t. It just happens. I know “how can cheating just happen?”
    I don’t get up in the morning and say hey, I think I’m going to find someone to go cheat on my husband with today. I don’t see someone and say “oh he’s cute, I’m going to cheat on my husband with him.” It just happens. Maybe it’s like I was when I was a kid and I thought “if you loved me you had to have sex with me.” My brain twisted to make it ok. I am messed up and I know I will do it again and again and again. And I know we will be looking at a divorce in the near future if I can’t find a way to stop cheating. I love my husband, I know the thing that happened to me as a child had a big impact on my everyday life and I think that’s why my husband stayed so long. He knows about my past and how it impacts me still today.
    I’m not saying it’s OK to cheat in a relationship because it’s not. But sometimes for us girls, our past impacts us and our brains justify cheating to make it ok so we can move on in our everyday lives.

  • Getty

    i am on the verge of ending my marriage as i write this. i couldnot stop cheating addicted to seduce all women i meet even on web, wish i could get some help, my wife is disappointed with me since some yrs back and knows all the immature inferior behaviors i have. i feel now that she gave up and she could be dating somebody, that i donot blame her. even a couple of ladys i date knew i am married and have children

  • Judy

    I been married for 12 years. I can say that our married life is too complicated. I never felt happy in our relationship. I never felt that he loves me. I did everything to satisfy him especially in sex life just to get his attention to love me fully. But sad to say that I am fail for what I am longing. Time passes by I know that he have another woman. That really makes me crazy. I always keep crying. I felt a self pity to myself. Maybe he can’t blame me if I fall to other man. He is the reason why I cheat him. It really so bad. But I decide to stop this foolishness coz guilt is always in my heart.

  • sam i am

    I love a women that is thousands of miles away, I say I am Christian but I do not act like it. my wife loves me she knows but has not confronted me yet. help

    • Nina

      I m honestly telling u, leave the other. It’s so painful but sooner or later it will happen, she will find someone n she will leave u. I went through that, we worked hard to stay together n meet to stay together, but as much as we madly loved (I still do) each other, he found his way out, he needed someone closer as we all need. No one can live out of txt, calls n skype. I m totally crushed. I thought I was going to get a heart attack out of the pain of losing him, I still feel so sad, ugly n lost. So beg u, find your way out. It won’t work but if u think it will, then make it work ASAP don’t waste anyone’s time at the end an affair of 2 will break the heart of 3.

    • Nina

      I had a 6 years relationship. It was successful, caring n loving but we all need to build a life. We both worked hard to make it work until, he said he needed someone too, after that we stayed together successfully for 1 year and a half until he found his way out. I don’t blame him, he needed a real relationship as I have mine. The dreams of a lifetime love are gone now. I have to fix myself now n from there fix my family too, who never knew but were neglected. Picking up the pieces now

  • ale

    I’ve been married for almost 15 years and I am having an affair with a coworker who is also married. I have always suffered from low self esteem and think that is the root of my problem. To feel desired by someone makes me feel worthy. My husband is a great provider and lover but I sacrificed so much in this marriage that no matter what I don’t can’t seem to remain faithful. Maybe it’s a learned behavior from my past relationships where I was cheating on all the time. At the end of the day this is killing me inside. I am going crazy inside. I love my husband and he loves me. Why is it not enough?

    • Lou

      I am so in the same shoes. It sucks. 14 years with my wife and out of those 14, for ten years I’ve been with the other woman. I love my wife. She is the mother of my children but I can honestly say I love the other woman as well. I don’t know how to fix this. I feel helpless. I cant continue to live a double life bit idk how to stop. I feel stuck

  • Roseanna

    I have been with my husband for ten years I cheated on him but I don’t want to anymore I want to be with him and only him but every time its going good he brings that I cheated on him all over again so I go and talk to the person that I had cheated with and start talking to him I need help

  • Harry

    I think the basis of cheating is because somehow a person is filling a void. What I think is important to know is its temporarily going to numb the pain but not heal it. On the other habd tho in order for there to be healing the person cheating also needs a level of commitment from the one they are cheating on. For example if the cheater has always made effort to conmunicate and their partner tunes it out then sooner or later they will again seek a sympathetic ear. Often the affair starts because the so called victim stopped doing their part.

    • ale

      I agree. I have tried to change my ways but my husband doesn’t make an effort and will never change his ways. I gave up having children for him and maybe I secretly hold a grudge against him because it’s not what I want. I’m afraid of living the rest of my life not getting what I want and need. I just can’t seem to move past it. What is wrong with me?

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    Thanks for sharing these resources on how to stop relationship cheating! I’m glad the book worked for you, and helped saved your marriage 🙂

  • ino

    I stopped my husband from cheating. I was devastated with I found out he was having an affair, but a friend gave me this book, I read it and now my marriage is stronger than ever. The book is called “Learn How To Stop Him From Cheating” and it was helpful.

  • Ilone

    I read “Learn How To Stop Him From Cheating” by GM Robert and it helped me regain my marriage. My husband is working, back home and I’m so happy. I highly recommend the book to all couples.