Your husband or boyfriend is uncommunicative and silent – and if you’re asking yourself “why doesn’t he talk to me?” you are definitely not alone. Here are the most common barriers to communication that affect all relationships – even the healthiest ones.
It’s important to remember that men sometimes simply don’t know what to talk about. One of my most popular articles is 10 Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend. Why? Because guys WANT to talk to their girlfriends or wives…but they don’t always know WHAT to talk about.
Before we jump into the reasons your boyfriend or husband isn’t talking to you, here’s a funny quote from Mel Gibson: “After about 20 years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.”
How about a bit of both, Mel? Women want a little conversation, a little chocolate…and repeat until satisfied. My husband and I are taking a marriage course called the Marriage Course, created by Sila and Nicky Lee. Our last session was called The Art of Communication, and we had to practice talking, active listening, and summarizing each other. It was a really good session – and great practice for all types of conversations.
If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, there may be several different reasons. Here’s a list of the most common ones.
7 Reasons He Doesn’t Talk to You
If he’s not talking to you because he’s passive-aggressive, read Dealing With the Silent Treatment in Relationships. I recently updated that article, and added new research on communication between couples.
1. He doesn’t know what to talk about
My husband is a quiet man, and has often says he simply doesn’t know what to talk about. Not everyone is a brilliant conversationalist – and many people don’t talk simply for the sake of talking. If you’re asking “why he doesn’t talk to me, but he talks to other people”, then one of the other reasons on this list might apply.
2. He worries you might misunderstand him
You’ve been here, right? You say something to someone – not necessarily your boyfriend or husband – and it is totally misinterpreted and misunderstood! It’s taken out of context, or it came out wrong. This may be a reason why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you…he thinks he’ll be misunderstood.
3. He doesn’t know how he feels or what he thinks
Sometimes men don’t talk simply because they don’t know how to respond. For instance, when I bring up an issue in our relationship, sometimes my husband says, “I don’t know what to say to that. Give me some time to think.” He used to just clam up and not say anything, until I asked if he could at least tell me that he doesn’t know what to think or say. This works a lot better, because I at least know that he’s heard me.
4. He feels he has to be the “strong, silent type”
Some men think they’ll sound weak if they talk about issues that bother them. Sometimes it’s easier to keep their mouths shut and ignore the problem, instead of going through the hassle of trying to talk it through.
5. He doesn’t want to disturb the peace
Sometimes it’s easier to just bite your tongue and not say anything, instead of speaking your mind and causing problems or hurt feelings. Some boyfriends and husbands like to keep the peace at all costs, so they keep their mouths shut.
6. The topic is too complicated
Discussion about relationship issues can get painful and confusing, and it’s sometimes easier to avoid “the talk.” If your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you, it may be because he doesn’t want to get entangled in messy emotions or conversations.
7. He thinks you’ll laugh at him or think less of him
Does your boyfriend hesitate to share his thoughts with you because you may criticize or mock him? Maybe you’re not aware of how he feels about talking to you – or maybe you’re not aware of your own patterns of responding to him.
The best way to identify why reason or reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you is to show him this list. Hopefully, he’ll be open to talking about why he doesn’t talk to you! The best source of information is the person himself – if he can open up.
If you’re worried about your relationship, read 5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is In Love With You. It might help you see your relationship differently, and maybe shine light on the reasons he doesn’t talk to you.
I welcome your thoughts below. Why do you think your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you, and what do you think you should do about it?