How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals 45


You’d think it’d be easy to leave a man who broke your heart, but it’s surprisingly difficult. Here’s how to stop loving a man who lied to you, cheated on you, and stole your heart.

How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and StealsIn I Love You But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship, couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum tells you what to do to restore trust in your relationship, regardless of how it was damaged (lying, cheating, stealing – or all three!). She will also help you understand how to rebuild trust in stages and strengthen your relationship. You and your boyfriend or husband will learn how to avoid the mistakes that prevent healing and discover how to feel secure with each other again.

However, rebuilding your relationship will only work if you believe your man will stop lying, cheating, and betraying you! If you know you need to leave because he isn’t willing to love you the way you need to be loved, then you need to focus on rebuilding your life. Here’s what one reader said about her unhealthy, unhappy relationship: “I’ve known this man for many years,” wrote Larissa in response to How to Decide if You Should Stay or Go. “All he does is lie to me and treat me as a booty call. But I love him so much. He is now seeing some new chick. My self-esteem is shot. I hate myself. What can I do to get us back together?” She can’t do anything to get her man back, but she can learn how to stop loving him…





How do you stop loving the man you thought you’d spend your life with? You learn how to live a happy, fulfilled, strong life without him. It won’t be easy – it’ll take time and effort – but you CAN move on and re-create your life! Starting now.

How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals

It’s important to know that getting over the pain of being cheated on and lied to is a process. It’s not a one-step action that happens immediately. Whether you loved this man for a month or 10 years, he has become part of you. You may have made vows to spend your life with him.

You love him. It’s not possible to just “turn off” your love – even though he lied to you, cheated on you, and stolen your possession, money, or best friend.

Let go of who you were

The reason it’s so difficult to stop loving a man is because he is part of your identity. Maybe you are his wife, or his girlfriend. Maybe you are the mother of his children. You might even be part of his family.

If you want to let him go, then you need to allow your self-identity to change. Instead of seeing yourself as his wife or girlfriend, you need to start seeing yourself differently. The best, healthiest way to do this is to figure out who you want to be. You may have lost who you are in this relationship, but you haven’t lost who you COULD be.

Who do you want to be? Start thinking about how you see yourself now, and how you want to see yourself. Who were you before and during this relationship? Who do you want to become?

Stop focusing on him, him, him

Larissa’s self-esteem is so low because she’s basing her self-worth and value on her boyfriend’s behavior. She’s letting him treat her badly, and she believes that she deserves to be treated like this. So she feels even worse about her life and herself…and she’s stuck in a terrible downward spiral.

How do you stop loving a man who lies and cheats? First, by learning why women stay in bad, loveless, unhealthy relationships. Second, by pulling yourself together and rebuilding your self-image and self-concept. You need to focus on getting emotionally and spiritually healthy. Reconnect with God or whatever you believe your Higher Power to be. Tap into the healing flow of the universe – because it is always there, waiting for you. Reach upwards, go inwards, and get strong!

Surround yourself with supportive friends and family

Get the love you need! Part of learning how to stop loving a man who lies, cheats and steals is finding love in the right places, from the right people.

Be honest with your friends and family about what your boyfriend or husband did. Don’t accept relationship advice – you already know that you have to stop loving him. Tell your friends and family what you need: support, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Listen to their wise counsel – but only if they support your decision. Listen to them if they’re telling you to break up with him, move on, and find someone who will love and cherish you. This is one time that you have to put your own thoughts and feelings aside, and go with the crowd’s opinion. I would never tell someone I love to stay with a man who treats her like garbage. And, I would tell her to stop listening to his lies and ignoring his infidelities and accepting his thefts. Men do this because women let them.

Surround yourself with strong, smart, successful women

Who are your friends? You are absorbing the qualities and habits of the people you surround yourself with.

How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals

How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals

Are you surrounded by women who are setting and achieving goals? Are they happy and healthy, strong and spiritual? Find women who are emotionally and physically strong, happy, balanced, and successful at work and home. You can stop loving this man who lies to you, cheats on you, and steals from you…but you can’t do it alone.

Get emotionally and physically healthy

The healthier you are, the less likely you’ll be drawn to men who lie, cheat, and steal. Your emotional and physical health is united — that’s your mind-body connection in action. Get emotionally healthy by reading books like the one I featured above, or 10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem: How to End Self-Doubt, Gain Confidence & Create a Positive Self-Image. Get physically healthy by doing yoga and Pilates, or taking a spinning or kickboxing class.

You need to re-create yourself as a woman, my friend. You need to become strong, happy, and successful — and dump the men who treat you like dirt. Rebuild your self-esteem, your self-image, your self-confidence.

Learn how to let go of a man you love

how to let go of someone you loveYou have to stop centering your life around this man. I know how hard it is – that’s why I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for healing Your Heart.

We all heal differently. When I first lost someone I loved deeply, I slept a lot. I found it healing and rejuvenating to escape into sleep I had no energy to exercise or go to work or even learn different ways to stop loving a man who lied to me and cheated on me. I didn’t care about anything…until I got enough sleep. I found energy. I started healing.

Your life, your days, your experiences are worth so much more than any man. You can’t base your existence and self-esteem on anyone. You need to build a strong, happy, healthy life outside of your broken marriage or relationship.

If you believe your boyfriend or husband lied, cheated and stole because you you, read How to Feel Better About Yourself.

What advice would you give women who can’t stop loving men who lie, cheat, and steal? I welcome your thoughts below, but I can’t offer advice or counseling. Share your experience, and allow the very act of writing to help you figure out how to let go of the man you thought you loved.

“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” – Elizabeth Taylor.




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45 thoughts on “How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals

  • Luannerene

    Do you really think”strong” women dont get cheated on and treated likecrap ? They do. Its not about the woman its about the man the cheater the liar the jerk whos defects in character did not come from his wife or gf. . he cultivated those lame ass traits (defects) his whole life. And it takes an amazing strong women to deal wirh these types of men see it thru to whatevers next (whuch may or may not be the end you suggest and maintain their integrity when itd sure be easier to escape into the same weak ass cheating behavior her mans doing. If you take anothef look at said situation wouldnt you be inclined to see the weakest link in the scenario is most probably the women who are helping the man cheat as for one it isnt strengfh in their sneaking and lying and its definitely weak to exclude oneself as being the next chick hes lying to and cheated on truth is he almost certainly is already lying to her…. shes gotta have some self esteem issues and even more issues for her to be a participant and see what he does but delude herself into thinking he wont do it to her that shes somehow too special to him more special then his wife though his wife smeant so muxh he married her …. seems like the one in most need of self esteem support to face the facts and to move on is the one he s cheating with not on .

  • Ashley

    Hi I’m not one to usually post on anything I’m just lost. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 3 he has 2 kids with his ex fiancé and we have a 3 year old. Well ever since the beginning of our relationship I have caught him making inappropriate comments to her. It never stop and every time I say if I catch it again I’m going to leave. I’ve always suspected he was still in love with her. They see each other way more often then the average exs. Both boys are in sports and my husband is the coach and she goes to every single practice. so it’s always been an issue in our relationship. Well in October of 2016 I found him on a web sit looking for other women looking for experimenting threesomes and open to relationships his picture was on there and everything. It completely broke my heart and to top it all off he made it on our 3 year anniversary!!! He swears he never met anyone and hadn’t even paid for the site to actually talk to the girls. Well I ended up staying and we went to counseling I sucked it up and kinda just ignored my feelings for my family. I love my family more then anything. Well about a month later I was snooping and found emails to his ex this message were old the date was 2 months after our wedding and I was pregnant with our son. This emails were pictures of his ex she was naked and pregnant with their first son so these pictures were 8 years old and he sent the pictures to her in the email it said I found these pictures and I don’t need them anymore…..then a second email reading im sorry we are going thru this right now and I love you. You are my first true love and I will always want to be with you. 2 MONTHS AFTER WE GOT MARRIED 😡So I found those and lost it broke me we have just gotten married how could he I was pregnant I just hated him for it. I stay for 4 months and every single day I was sick to my stomach about my husband being in love with someone else. He says he loves only me and he doesn’t know why he did it. I just couldn’t take it anymore and moved out Monday. He is begging me to come back and I’m trying to be strong but it’s so hard Bc I’m still in love with him. I know he is never going to change but I’m just broke. I don’t really know what advice I’m asking for. Maybe how to stay string and not go running back when he is begging me. We have a little boy who is my world so it makes it so hard and I’m also losing my step sons.

  • Sona

    My first relationship was when I was 19 in college. He was a member of the soccer team. He helped me through a time I never thought i could get over. First week of college I was drugged and molested. Till this day i dont remmeber what happened but I remember things like a blur.
    6 years of being single and promiscuous and never giving a man an inch on my emotions I i met someone.
    I moved to California a year and half ago and I met a man . I was not attracted to him. To be honest I think I used him becuase I was lonely and alone and his company was better then no company.
    I dont know when it happened but I grew so close to him told him things I never told anyone. In those 6 years I never let a man sleep in my bed after we had sex. But after a week of knowing him he started sleeping over … everyday.
    I had doubts about his living situation bc his car trunk always had alot allot of clothes and shoes. I asked him many times he told me he lived with his sister.
    Eventually I found out he was homeless. He has family but he doesn’t want to tell them his situation. He had a job get paid well but he lived in his car.
    He starts to make up a situation in his head and completely makes it reality. He thinks im so beautiful and that every man out there wants to take me from him. I NEED to get him out of mt life. I have lost my friends, stopped going to my classes and gained so much weight. None of my family members know.
    I never thought I would be in a situation where a man would ever put his hands on me. He did twice.
    Why is it hard to leave ? I know I will find another man. But the contort level i build with him I’ve never had with another man. I never let a man get so close to me and tbe one I did breaks my trust and heart everyday.
    I just don’t know how to convince myself to leave. Day time I’m fine but when I’m laying in bed amd he’s not there I feel like a part of me is missing. And my self worth at the time disappears and I end up calling him back. Despite throwing piss all over my home twice and continuesly gets physical with me.
    I know it a long message but if anyone is listening then pls advise me HOW CAN I LET HIM GO 100% AND NOT BE SO SCARED TO MOVE ON.

  • DINITHI PUSHPINI VISIDAGAMAGE

    I have had a 2 years relationship with a same age guy and he is one of my friends since schooling.In the beginning he treated me as no other guy can do like that.i felt i’m the luckiest girl in the world.we cannot stayed without seeing each other and we met every time we can.after 6 months,we had some arguments and fights.i did not let him to hang with friends because i cared about my affair alot. he is very childish sometimes and cant understand who is good and who is bad.He did not listen to me and did whatever he want but he did not do any bad things.sometimes i felt bad about his cousin brother and his friends so i blamed them.i thought they wanted us to separate and that was also true but,my boyfriend did not accept what i have said.He took their side and blamed me a lot saying that i wanted them to finish their bonds and he has got angry with me for that reason.but i did not think like that and i all wanted is to limit their hangouts.i have heard some of the things he had told me are lies and i think that is an effect due to his mentality problem. Now he is saying that he got a mentality problem due to a bang of his head in his childhood and his mother thinks that he is insane.she does not let him to stay alone and sleep alone because of his thinking.i don’t know whether it is true or not and he fights me alot and scolding me with rubbish words.he says he need our relationship but can’t do that so deep because he feels himself insane because of that.but, i love him a lot and i have got stress of this.i have my first year exam from 2 weeks and i can’t even study due to this reason.i cant seperate from him because he is the man i have ever loved and the my bond is to him is so strong. what can i do to save my relationship?

  • Melanie Ippolito

    I have been with this man for ten years. We have a three year old son together. Throughout all of these years I completely let go of myself and let him control me and my life. From time to time he cheats most the times I can’t prove but I can feel it. I’ve caught him on escorting websites and spoke to a few escorts who know him. He’s done everything you can think of. I’ve been nothing but faithful to him. He still wants to say he done nothing flipped everything on me like I’m crazy, blah blah blah it’s not going to work anymore. He’s such a liar, he’s completely ripped my confidence and the way I feel daily apart. Ive never felt so hurt and decided In my life. Besides this he’s emotionally abusive to me. I feel so lost so stuck I have no friends no family. I’m not working, I’m alone. I want out of this, I love him with all my heart but he obviously doesn’t care if he can’t even admit to his stuff. This was the icing on the cake, I have Noone to talk to I feel so lost, I need to get myself back to who I once was. I feel all the odds are against me, I’m stuck here I don’t know where to start first, I can’t leave I have nowhere to go, it’s so hard to get through the days with all of this built-up.

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Mandi,

    What sort of advice are you looking for? Do you want to stop loving your man, or break up with him? Do you want him to change, or do you want to save your relationship?

    Before you can move forward, you need to figure out what you’re moving towards. What do you want to happen in your relationship? And, remember that there are 2 possibilities here: 1) what you want to happen that you know will never happen (your boyfriend will change, and will stop lying, manipulating, and cheating on you) and 2) what you want to happen that you know is possible (that you can heal and be free from this relationship).

    It’s up to you to make the choice. What would you like to see happen in your relationship and life? You are more powerful than you realize — especially if you take time to look upwards and inwards. Listen to that still small voice that contains the wisdom of the ages.

  • Ebony

    Good evening ladies, I’m also trying to stop loving a man who lies, cheats and steals. I was in a 17yrs relationship with my boyfriend who was lying about cheating, and staling. He was my only 1st love no other man but him, I was with him since I was 18 and he was 22yrs old..I met him being single I look up after the 3rd year of being with him,I found out he got another woman pregnant, so I stay I was too hurt and weak to leave, of course he told me lies that the child wasn’t his, then he got married on me 2yrs after that then I still stay trying 2 believe him, he kept on denying everything about that, he said that it wasn’t official.
    I stayed, and two yrs later he made another 1on me he made 3kids along with a family on me, I gave him thousands of dollars for every settlement that I’ve received I help him , and guess what he used must of my money on his family his wife and kids, I’m a good Christian woman, how do a good woman get played on so badly? He manipulated me, brainwashed me, I went through anxiety, emotional distress, suffer from insomnia, stomach problems, up and down in my weight, loss my hair, because of me being angry my nerves, I’m 4yrs younger than him, he took full control over my life , he verbally abused me. I just pray for him. I live by myself and he also knows that I’m still dealing with my mother’s death. He takes my kindness for weakness, I’m so drained, I’m seeking counseling now as we speak, so much guilt within please pray for me

    • Shannon

      How did you finally get the courage to leave ?When you end up with no support , feeling so used that you got no self esteem left. I feel your pain of being manipulated , brainwashed , lied to , and controlled. My boyfriend of 5 years had lied to me for 3 months this past summer about a job he supposedly got which was an hour and a half away ,where he would be gone for a week at a time , even sent me pictures of the equipment and pretended to not have service at night so he didn’t get caught with what he was really up to . What I found out was that he was never at the job and lied about the whole thing for 2 months and has been living and cheating on me with some girl that lives about 10 minutes from me as he still came home to me after a couple days with her. The whole time he was gone he was constantly accusing me of cheating and always being up to something, I even found a camera in my apartment so he could see from his phone to know exactly when I would leave or be home !Bad enough how sick to my stomach I felt when I found out but sicker to know that the girl knew he had a gf and did not care and knew everytime he had come home to me ! That completely destroyed me and mentally messed me up pretty bad. After he came crying back , he had manipulated me into giving him another chance and that he will never lie , cheat , or disrespect me again and made a huge mistake into having him walk back into my life because a couple months after that he is starting to lie once again about certain things and than would put the blame on me and try to make me feel like I was doing something wrong.
      If anybody has any advise onto how to deattach yourself from an unhealthy relationship & how to get your self esteem back after something like this , I would love to hear it. Ty and I wish everybody the best !:)

      • Ebony

        Hey shannon I’m so sorry that u R experiencing this awful relationship that u don’t deserve, the bottom line here my sister, he’s isn’t the right man for u, he will continue 2lie he won’t never change unless he gives his life 2christ become reborn again, church prayers been helping me along with therapy, but in the bible they will reap what they sow a lot of men’s suffer with narcissistic and etc…so he definitely carries demonic spirits with doing all those lying to u, he playing games he will not change, alot of them don’t really understand what they causing on our lives, but how I got out of it actually those week it’s been 1week I just decided 2leave the relationship he got mad at me telling about the weather in all I guess he thought he works for channel 7 it was a long story which makes him to be controlling and verbally abusive, he called me a b and snaggy tooth cause I have a gap that God blessed me with he talk about my whole body and I’m 5’7 weighing 150lbs so yes I do have low self esteem a lil but I did keep pressing with jesus I work out 2release my anger tours him because he emotionally hurt me with words, my mother’s decease and he said that’s why your mother dead and my father is a punk with I just reunited with my dad after 30yrs I guess he just mad at the world his the devil , he definitely has the devil in him I’m also dealing with another issue well at the time…He was only 5’4 r less so I believe he was suffering with a short man complex about himself he doesn’t have a real relationship with his moms so his definitely angry, so yes my sister I do have a low self esteem but I refuse 2suffer with it, I believe in god, I have to forgive those man for order for me 2accept what really happened being used up like that and talk about bad so forgiveness will Set u free, and if he’s doing have god in his life, he will never respect u and if he doesn’t have a relationship with his moms he will never respect u my sister so I’m fighting for my freedom sometimes I cry sometimes I don’t but I do release from day 2day but overall I thank God for allowing me 2see the light again I’m not in the dark no more I couldn’t see for what he was, so u have to be careful on who u date, u definitely have to go 2jesus for order for him to break that soultie..read about soultie and the Lord will break that love u have for him and u will begin 2heal

  • Mandi

    Im with a man that can be so sweet and so convincing. He’s told so many lies. I know he’s lying but I just accept it as if it was normal. He realized I do so he continues to do it. I let it pass even if he still does it and doesn’t say sorry for his lies and mistakes. This is the worst to be around because even if you don’t notice there are so mentally manipulative. He actually feels he’s telling the truth and even if you know whats real he will make you feel guilty and stupid. But you can’t let him convince you. I have to admit he still does it to me and it’s as if I can’t let go. I know I have to and I would advise anybody to. Although I myself dont. Please help

  • Anon

    I’m writing this totally broken I don’t really know where to start, it has helped reading that I’m not the only person that gets sucked into lies but I feel such a fool and not very great about myself at the moment. I met my partner and it was like a fairy tale he totally changed my life from feeling lonely to feeling alive, happy and so in love. We were inseparable and spent so much time talking laughing singing and having fun together, I confided in him about my sons dad being abusive to me and bringing up my son alone at the age of 17 and how hard it’s been but how proud I am and he promised that when we married had children he would always be there and I finally thought me and my son would have the family unit I always dreamed of. Then one morning I woke up and my world smashed into pieces he had stolen my bank card and spent all my money online gambling and confessed to being an addict and using drugs I tried to help over and over he stole and pawned items which caused so much pain and upset to me I then found out I was pregnant and wanted to help him for our family and I loved him. He promised to my face that he would change and not tell anymore lies but he didn’t stick to it leaving me so depressed I didn’t leave my house for 2 months feeling so ashamed and worthless. I then had the greatest shock of all I found out he was on an online swingers website asking to meet people for group sex which just broke my world I have been numb and not in my right mind since, I’ve since had an abortion and feel so guilty and ashamed I just couldn’t see how I would cope again alone I know this was very selfish of me and I wish I had more time to think it all happened so soon I just can’t believe what’s happened and how my lovely family has just been snatched from me in a blink of an eye I don’t feel like I’m ever going to get over this but I know I need to find a way for my son I’m so heart broken at this time I’m staying with my mom I’m not stable on my own.

  • Layla

    I met a guy 12 years younger than me. He had nothing but that did not matter. He was helpful and was there for me. He didn’t have anything n stayed in a shaq. Before we got intimite we got tested n he was positive. I didn’t know what to do n he asked me to tell his mom who is also positive. I started seeing someone n I broke up with him. He threatened to commit suicide so I stayed with him. But I cheated again with the same person. I was scared he would kill himself n also cause of his status. When I stopped seeing the guy I cheated with, I found out he had cheated on me. Used my airtime n my phones to communicate with this other girl. There were several times when the condom broke n I had to take Arvs twice. He has told me he luved me. Spoke to my mom to be given a chance cause he luvs me. It has been 4 years of him lying about being in contact with the other girl. They have gone out. Even as we speak they are obviously communicating. I have blocked him n stopped contact n he will come to my house or speak to someone close to me for help. I have fought with him verbally n physically. I have asked him to leave me alone if he can not leave the other girl alone. He asked for help, money, food n I always did. Now he stays in a better place with friends. They influence him. They go out with this chick n her friends. He disrespects me. They treat me like shit n this girl has known about me all along. She is young n beautiful. N I am jealous as his friends r also friends of hers now. But I am the one who has helped them. They have seen my worse side figthing with him. He lies to me all the time. N when I shut him out he starts again. I am so hurt as I told him the truth when I cheated n I told him he should rather be with this other girl. He has punished me n used me for 4 years. N always defends the other girl but does not want to leave me alone. I did wrong. I was scared n he wanted to kill himself n stayed. Now I regret staying with him. He shows of drives around. The girl doesn’t stay far from where I live. I sometimes c her. N she also disrespects me. Please help. I have gone for therapy but stopped, n the fact that while I was taking arvs because of him in 2 instances, he was having a good time with her. 4 years of my life. I feel like I have lost soooo much time, money, my health. He abuses me mentally..physically n emotionally. I even helped n still helped his family.

    • Mandi

      I totally understand what your going through sweetheart. I went through similar. It’s as if we subconsciously go for the guys that are loses but still we stay or feel guilty if we leave them. If he’s with another girl, he’s lying about hurting himself. There’s no reason he should tell you that if he’s with someone else. Guys like that make me sick. You sound like a very caring sensitive person that goes out her way. If you were with somebody else, don’t feel guilty for needing love and appreciation he was not giving you. Even if it’s the worst feeling to let go of him you have too. From what it sounds like, he doesn’t wanna let you go but can’t be serious about hurting himself if he’s with another one. Even if it’s the hardest thing to do, please try to let him go. Realize your worth much more than that and there many men that will make you feel so much better about yourself. Trust me when you find that person this one will be a thought and memory of the past. You’ll say to yourself ” I can’t believe I wasted my time for that fool” I really wish you the best. I know it can be such a hard decision. You have to push yourself even if it hurts

      • Ebony

        Praying for all of us women who live in pain, emotional distress, played on by lying men with low self esteem..anyone that cares 2talk over the ph please do so, all support and help either with prayer or talking

  • Lauren

    My child’s father and I split up cause I could t take anymore of his lies and cheating always I was wrong making it up I’m screwed in the head etc I moved towns then recently moved back with him saying how much he loves me wants to make it right etc then I find out he’s living with some girl who can’t live without him where he tells me they’re not together and he sleeps in shed though I know he lying he asked me for money to get his ute and stuff out of her place but never did then won’t answer phone or give money back how can someone lie and use and hurt people so much it’s crazy it’s been 8 years and I’m still stuck in his wen of lies I hate myself cry everyday and no one wants me

    • TiredOfIt

      Hi Lauren my situation is similar. There was a lot of abuse, mostly verbal and emotional. I am relying on him right now to get me to my dad’s house. All the same garbage from a man who lies, cheats and steals. Why claim to want mw and that you’re not involved with anyone when I can clearly see you text some woman right in front of me. The lies what bother me the most.

  • Carrie

    I found out 6 months ago my husband of 13yr has been sleeping with different women from hookup sites. However the last 2yr he started a serious relationship with a women whom is now pregnant with twins because of fertility my husband paid $20,000 for when he won’t even give me $20 to get something for myself. We have 2 son’s and always wanted 1 more child (a little girl) be we decided to have my tubes tied because he didn’t want anymore children, I don’t understand. He started her marketing business for her and they also have a joint account, stocks and of course nothing is in his name even purchass things on a prepaid credit card. Another thing that really hurts I’ve been wanting an Anniversary ring which he refuses to buy every time I ask but yet proposed to her with a 2ct diamond WHY, he denys everything saying I’m crazy and need help for believing it. This women builds her own software and showed him how to communicate through the computer, tablet and phone which he has a private 2nd line on his cell phone. I’m trying to get a job now at the moment so I don’t even have to ask for gas money, we never had a joint account therfore I have no access to any funds which sucks when I have seen messeges asking her if she needed any money. So I’m now emotionally and physically drained not being able to get anything done. I love him and hate him but couldn’t imagine my life without him. I really need help, advice, some kind of direction.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    Dee,

    Do you respect your boyfriend, and do you respect yourself for being in a relationship with him? Maybe that’s the bottom line in your relationship. If you respected him as a man, then you wouldn’t be searching for tips on how to stop loving him.

    Would you encourage your sister, daughter, or best friend to stay in this relationship?

    If you wish he would change, then I’m sorry to say you’ll be disappointed.

  • dee

    My bf is so childish,he listens to people,he lies,he cheats and spanks women’s butts every chance he gets alone,he loves me and doesn’t hang with friends because he doesn’t want me to hang with my friends, his family controls him, esp his sister,she advises him to come back home each time we have a fight,I want to leave him but he’s a great man,he takes care of me financially,thou he hides money sometimes and it hurts! because when I worked we did things together with our money!

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Nithya,

    Thanks for your comment, and for encouraging us to leave men who lie, cheat, and steal! It is heartbreaking — but as you said, we only have one life (that we know of).

    Better to have short-term pain and long-term gain, rather than stay stuck and unhappy in a bad relationship.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Nithya

    I am an indian and married to a cheat, liar and thief as some of the friends here. As soon as I got to know that he is a liar, I lost my jewels, money, and a property. I struggled for one and a half years after that and somehow with the help of my lawyer took most of it back and applied for divorce. He was not ready to leave me for his financial advantages over me. I loved him so much that it was like tearing a part of me off to leave him, but i did not think too much and divorced him. Be ready to leave the narcistic abusers and live a peaceful life. It would definitely take a big risk and cost but do not forget that life is just once and live your life as your wish and not for anybody else.

      • pam

        Very inspirational. You are very strong for doing that. I’m in a similar situation but not married. Just recently I have found out my boyfriend has lied and manipulated me into lending him a couple thousand over time which he still owes. We just broke up and I”m considering taking him to court.

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Lori,

    I don’t know how a man can say he loves his wife, yet cheat on her. I think it depends on how he defines “love.” Some men define “love” as financially support and provide for, and save their intimate love (sex) for other women. It’s sad and even disgusting, but human beings are complicated and … disgusting sometimes!

    I wrote this article for you:

    How to Help a Friend Cope With an Unhappy Marriage

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts. You’re a good friend, and I’m glad your friend has people like you in her life!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Refused to accept

    I was with my boyfriend for two years. He lied and cheated the entire time. I refused to believe this. He had the best excuses and said he loved me every day. He would go shopping for girls on plenty of fish and friend them on Facebook. I was not allowed to be his friend on fb and he waived this away saying he spent all his non work time with me. Said what we had was real and fb was merely entertainment. He would text and message constantly and even ignore me to do so. I loved him so deeply I chose to believe his lies that he was not cheating. By the time the evidence was so massive my self esteem didnt exist. A friend paid me a compliment and i nearly burst into tears. i am an educated above average looking woman and I look far younger then my age. He treated me so badly that a tiny compliment had this profound affect. But he said he loved me… I find it very unsettling too that the other women he was with would lie and say they were only friends, so that they could remain his booty calls (and of course they laughed at me behind my back). I hated myself for wanting him and loving him and he strung me along with promises of our future. This wound is so fresh and hurts so bad and this website especially and reading people’s stories has greatly helped me. It was also enlightening to find that many of these bad partners we obsess over or who lie and cheat have narcissistic personality disorder. Mine did and pitty the next girl who loves him.

    • Ruth

      The same thing happened to me after 4 years and he is not that young. Seems he never
      grew up.
      Now I am going through withdrawal pains the same as someone in an addiction.

    • Lenora

      Jesus, After reading this I almost had a mind to say, “I must have wrote this my self. …………. we are literally the same person, educated, very beautiful and oh boy the stuff we choose to believe over our own common sense and our own eyes is unbelievable. I’ve been in such denial that I simply feel crazy as hell. I even started thinking I was no longer pretty trying to figure out what made all is the women on fb so special vs the one here accepting your lies and betrayl. Now that I’m finally learning to follow my brain, I’m still confused on how to move on to this 3 year old nightmare I made my entire world. Altho I cut out sex and most communication. I have the shakes and anxiety attacks everyday from missing him and
      What I viewed as “the good parts” that was more than likely not good either, just slightly better than the bad. I’m scared to death I’m going to let him back and be stuck in a cycle with a man who can NEVER respect me because of how much I let him get away with disrespecting me. I’m afraid that I may always look at this as fixable because of how much I genuinely LOVE this man from the bottom of my broken heart. I’m scared because my new found low self esteem won’t let me use common sense to escape when I’ve had more than enough proffered to run like hell. Thus is certainly not all his fought, I allowed it. I truly need to seek help

      • Lauren

        Omg this is exactly how I feel my self esteem is shot have no friends no one how can they be so low and lie so much to us

  • kelly

    What should a man do if his women is cheating? I knew someone a good friend of mine he worked 12 hours a day to keep a roof over his head .She went to school so did their daughter.When she got home from school before she picked up her daughter she was dating a gentlemen on the side.It was when a neighbor asked if they were having work done to their house as this guy drove a construction truck.That’s when he told the neighbor to keep an watchful eye as she was retired.The lady called him then he came right home at the time this guy was coming over then he snuck into the house then caught them “getting it on” in the bedroom.He filed for divorce eventually as he knew that there would be so many complications with the courts if they were to do that.

  • Lori

    Hi, How can a man say he loves someone yet cheat on her? My friend’s husband is a liar, a cheat, and a thief. They have children together and she will get angry, but take him back due to the economy excuse, still in love excuse, they have kids to raise, finanically a divorce would destroy the both of them. She thinks she would end up living in a tent and have to start her whole life from ground zero. He has no problem lying to women at work saying his “wife” my friend is a rag bag, a nasty woman. How he wishes he could leave, but stays for the kids. But, he will have no problem posting ads behind her back, lying to people at work, friends, at church, to his own family. He has destroyed multiple womens lives. He has no problem stealing money or lying to clients. He uses past abuse in his life as his excuse as to why he doesn’t give a flip or have remorse for what he does. It’s like he’s 18 and could care less and his in his late 40’s. If you are a strong, beautiful woman after dealing with him you can almost gurantee you will look dried up and disgusted with life. Any comments? How can I help her? How can I get past the pain of her continuing to tolerate the BS? Any suggetsions? Thanks!

  • Laurie Post author

    It takes time to gain the strength and courage to leave a man – even if he is a liar and cheater. You’ve invested a lot of time, energy and even money in him. This makes it difficult to break up with him.

    And you may always love him. The title of this article – “how to stop loving a man who lies, cheats and steals” – isn’t accurate. You can’t stop love or change how you feel…you can only make choices that improve your life and push you forward into a better world.

  • Shortguy

    He is married with a son 20 years ago and still not divorced as a condition to me before I agreed to have relatioship.When I realized from my girl friend about money owed to her I was upset and tried to break off. I suspect he might has a relationship with my girl friend by the look that she was drastically depressed. The break out failed as he was mean and treatened me somehow. I gave him a chance but never known 6 years ago he has a chinese girl friend with few kide age below 10 years old. He denied flat. I have been struggling emotionally and am depressed.I found out he treat me well cuz I help him financially but he denied today that he didnt owe me any cent. Nowe I am broke and down. No friend knows of this relationship as I am from a conservative family and upbringing.ALost self

  • missb

    What’s crazy is all of our stories are the same. We read each other stories in think my story is different or my mans different when they all do the same thing… I think we are so in love with these men that we have sickend ourselves into believing that what they’re doing is okay because we love them. I’m starting to believe that when you love someone you love that person so much that your brain will make it to where they love you.

    • Dee

      I couldn’t have said this any better. It’s like the drug addiction you can’t shake, because your constantly chasing that first highs’ feeling. I’m so stuck in cycle and can’t get myself to stop. It’s going to drive me literally psychotic if I don’t quit.

  • cinnamon

    this explanes my realationship i never know what to do yes we still are together but have break up 2 diffent times from the 1st time i have met him to now he has change a little so i hope that he will change a lot more but then deep down in side i know he will never fully change but every time i am away from him i miss so much i dont know why bc i know he treat me so bad i never know what to do stay or go everyone will say go i but i miss him so much

  • Laurie Post author

    If you can’t stop loving a man who lies to you, cheats on you, and steals from you or others, then you need to look at yourself. Why don’t you have more self-respect? Don’t you believe you deserve better?

  • Fin

    I have this guy I love His mom all but hates me & he steal money form under my nose & lies to me & I fill like he don’t really love when he tells me he dose & he lisen & falls for braves then stays at his mom house then his wife & he says mane things to me after all I did to help him out so much, he don’ent care. Am not eating or drinking nouthing cuz I fill down can some be done all this Ben going on some time now & am sick of it.

  • saloni salaria

    he treated me badly but i compromised. and now he is engaged to a girl of his parent’s choice. he talks to that girl and meets her. he says that he don’t love her but when i say bad words for her he hangs up on me. n now he is not even talking to me neither am i. what should i do?

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    Thanks for your comment, Silvie. I wish you all the best as you refrain from contacting him.

    Stop loving men who lie, cheat, and steal!

  • silvie

    I am one of these women, he didn’t steal on me though. he cheated and lied to me on various occasions, and now he left me for good. I still want him, but i am doing my best not to initiate contact.

    • Michelle Johnson

      I was with the father of my four kids for sixteen years, He abrused me and made fun of me and allowed his family members to disrespect me ,He always seems to put his family members before he puts his children and I,It was soooo hard for me to leave him because of the love I had for him,I felt trapped and so so unhappy even thought about taking my on life,I was so disappointed in myself as a women to allow this man to disrespect me,The only good that came out of this relationship is our four children, they are the only ones that kept me from taking my own life.Now Iam 44 years old and I finally got rid of his sorry ass,A part of me feels like life just passed me by,But now Iam FREE to live my life ,Now Iam attending school and working something he wouldn’t allow me to do,My kids and I are now HAPPY!

    • Anonymous

      I am married to a lying, cheating husband who is always after young girls. He spends his time on social networks lying and luring this poor innocent girls into his corner.
      Being a Christian woman this is weighing very hard on me in fact I am confused. The worst is that I am pregnant with our 2nd child. He pretends to be caring yet he treats me like shit.
      I do not have any suicidal thoughts but I would like to get him out of my life. I am struggling with the how. I do not see any future for us. He has extreme narcissistic behaviour, how do I stop loving a man who lies cheats steals?