9 Steps Forward After the Breakup That Broke Your Heart 6


These tips on moving on after a painful break up will help you find your inner strength. Faith, courage, hope, and trust are the qualities you need to nurture after breaking up with someone you love. It takes strength to believe that the best is yet to come – but believe you must.

Every day, I read a blurb from Melody Beattie’s More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations. Her daily snippets are short and powerful, and they help me break free from anxiety, sadness, emotional pain, negativity – anything that holds me back.

“We can want things, pray for things, and hope that things will come to pass,” says Beattie. “But ultimately, we’re not in control. Instead of spending our time and energy trying to get someplace else, we can learn the lesson and enjoy the beauty of the life we’ve been given.”





9 Steps Forward After a Bad Breakup

These nine tips for moving on after a break up – inspired by a reader’s comment on When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore. She said her boyfriend is a player who broke up with her. She misses him so much, she wants to talk to him and hug him so much! They are in a long distance relationship, and it’s been four months since they last saw each other. She feels trapped, and doesn’t know how to move on after a break up. She’s stuck in a place where they had shared so many memories – her own house.

Accept

The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my life is acceptance. If you want peace and happiness in your life, you need to accept this break up and move on. I know it’s easier said than done, but believe me when I say that acceptance is the path to healing, peace, and joy. I accepted several break ups before I got married when I was 35 years old, and I fought each break up. My refusal to accept reality caused me so much more pain and grief than necessary!

Be Honest

Why are you refusing to accept this break up? Take a deep breath, and write down five reasons you are resisting healing, acceptance, moving on. Yes, you love him and can’t live without him (or can you?). Yes, it hurts so much to be rejected, cast aside, unloved. Yes, the thought of him with someone else pierces your heart and soul. It hurt so much. Go into the pain – write down the specific reasons for your hurt. Write down your fears. Are you scared you’ll never be loved again? Are you worried about what your friends and family members are saying? If you truly want to move on after breaking up, you need to be honest with yourself.

Trust

Knowing how to move on after a break up is about trusting God (or the Universe, if you don’t believe in God).

how to move on broken heartFor some reason, this person isn’t yours. He is not meant to be in your life right now. He isn’t good for you for some reason. God is looking out for you! He loves you and wants the best for you. He would never withhold someone or something that is good for you – and you need to trust that your life is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to.

Be Comforted

You are not alone. Does it help to know that yours isn’t the only broken heart in your house, on your block, in your school, at your workplace, or on this blog? Every day thousands of readers visit Quips and Tips for Love and Relationships, and 95% of them are struggling with heartbreak. I myself carry the grief of losing people I love, not being able to have children, not having a dad – and I know I’m not alone. We are all broken, we are all in pain, and we all suffer. It sucks…unless we find a source of peace, strength, joy, love, and grace.

Find Strength

Healing after a break up is about finding your source of strength. For me, it’s books about healing and acceptance. I’m also learning how to turn to God when I’m hurt, disappointed, crushed, broken-hearted. What is your source of strength? Maybe it’s talking to friends, reading articles about breaking up, finding books that give you wisdom, trying new activities to redirect your thoughts, praying to God for healing and hope, or seeking the help of a professional counselor.

Act

In my list of ways to find strength when you’re learning how to move on after a break up, I listed a variety of action words: talking, reading, finding, trying, praying, seeking. You need to find the balance between grieving your loss and moving towards a healthier, happier life. If you can’t shake off feelings of self-pity, grief, loss, and heartache, then it’s time to start helping other people. Volunteer. Be a Big Sister, go visit a senior’s retirement home, help clean up your neighborhood. Stop looking inward, start looking outward.

Let Go

move on after break up

Moving on After Breaking Up

In 8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You, I share some of the things I’ve accepted and let go of. The trick to letting go is knowing that nothing in our lives is secure. If you can hold your loved ones, possessions, and even your hopes and dreams loosely, then you’ll be able to heal and move on after losing something you love.

By “loosely hold”, I mean we need to remember that every person, creature, experience, and possession is a gift. We need to be grateful for what we have, and always be aware that tomorrow could bring changes that we may not like. This is good advice on how to move on after a break up before you actually break up with someone, of course – but it’s important to remember that nothing in this world is certain.

Heal

Healing is the crux of knowing how to move on after a breakup. How we heal depends on our personalities, experiences, lifestyles, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. How have you healed in the past? Think about what worked for you, and what didn’t work. Instead of truly healing, people often turn to food, drugs, drink, sex, work, gaming. There are so many unhealthy ways to cope with grief and pain! What are your healthy ways of dealing with heartache? Tell me below.

Pay Attention

In 7 Ways to Pick Up the Pieces of Your Broken Heart I quote Alexander Graham Bell: “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

What doors are now open to you? In what ways are you free? Who can you be, now that you aren’t in that relationship? Pay attention to the gifts you’ve been given. Stop drowning in your grief and sadness and self-pity. You have given yourself enough time to grieve the end of your relationship! If you truly want to move on after this break up, you need to start looking for open doors, new opportunities, and ways to rebuild your life.

I welcome your thoughts on how to move on after a break up. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight.

“Doubt if you must, but persist.” – Sue Bender.




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6 thoughts on “9 Steps Forward After the Breakup That Broke Your Heart

  • Sandy

    Am just in a state of shock right now. But your words ring true. And in being honest with myself I saw it coming and am deep down about 10% relieved. I guess I never would’ve done it myself, so he did. Now here I stand. One day at a time.

  • Kayse

    Laurie, thanks, you nailed everything that I feel and am going through. And having to breakup with someone from work is terrible. When i was having trouble focussing, I thought am being silly. And I try to put up a brave face. But its heartening to see your ex everyday. And I would want to confront him. Breaking up over phone is not the nicest thing. And when I try to find solace at work, ex’s presence is like a constant reminder of that you are not good enough. Or other’s are accepted in his circle and you are not. Now I wish to get along with my life because this is such a torture. But I have this urge to sit across and let him know my fears and be done with it. I listed my fears and the primary one was of not finding friends or someone who knows you that well or with whom you can be yourself. I tried taking up hobbies but it gave me temporary solace. Now I am thinking to change jobs.

  • Laurie

    Thank you for your comments. I hope these tips on how to move on after a break up are helpful, and give people hope.

    You’re right, Kate – these tips can help people cope with any type of loss.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Kate Loving Shenk

    It occurs to me your list applies to not just breaking up. It can apply to any life separation that involves loss or holding on. Surrender. Thanks for sharing.

  • Kassy @ Purposeful Productions

    A great blog post! Thankfully it has been awhile since I have had to deal with a break up but I remember how painful they were. I remember that I didn’t fully move on until I realized there were other plans for me. These tips would have been useful too! Thank you for sharing.