How to Break Up With Someone You Don’t Love Anymore

How do you break up with someone you don’t love anymore? With care – because his heart is in your hands. You may not love him, but you don’t want to hurt him. I hope these breakup tips help a little…

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ~ Author Unknown.

I don’t know what’s worse: breaking up with someone, or being broken up with…it hurts in different ways. If you’re stuck in a love relationship because you’re scared or reluctant to break up, you have to read Dump ‘Em: How to Break Up with Anyone from Your Best Friend to Your Hairdresser. Don’t stay in a relationship longer than necessary. You’re just prolonging the pain for both you and your boyfriend.

Here are several tips for breaking up…

How to Break Up With Someone

1. Accept that there’s no easy way to break up. The truth is, there isn’t much you can do to ease the pain of being broken up with. It hurts to be rejected, no matter what the reason is for the breakup. And it’s hard to let someone go, to break up with someone you once loved. So, the first thing to do is acknowledge and accept that this is a hard thing to do. Do you feel sad, afraid, awkward, or terrible about saying it’s over? Be honest with the person you’re breaking up with. “I don’t know how to say this because it’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but there’s something you need to know.”

2. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to end the relationship. There’s nothing bad or selfish about wanting to break up with someone you no longer love! It feels awful, but it’s not wrong. Don’t let yourself become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or self-loathing, and don’t second-guess your decision to end the relationship. Your time together has come to an end.

If you’re already feeling the effects of the breakup, read How to Overcome Depression After Breaking Up.

3. Don’t break up at the worst possible time! Some of the worst times to break up with someone you love are before Valentine’s Day, after family funerals, on New Year’s Eve, at huge public events, and just before birthdays. There’s never the perfect time or place to break up, but some times are certainly better than others.

4. Have the courage to say good-bye face to face. The person you’re breaking up with deserves a face-to-face good-bye, and maybe even a discussion about why the relationship is over. Don’t use email, voicemail, or text messages (or Twitter or Facebook or YouTube) to end a love relationship, even if you’ve only been together a few weeks or months.

5. Start “the talk” on a positive note. What do yo love, appreciate, or respect about the person you’re breaking up with? What parts of the relationship worked well? This won’t take away all the pain of the breakup, but your partner will remember it later and perhaps feel a little better. Chances are, the person you’re breaking up with will play back your conversation in his head later — and this is why it’s important to give him positive feedback.

Relationship Help

Do you regret the breakup? Learn how to Text Your Ex Back

Are you struggling with your love life? Get Expert Relationship Advice

how to breakup6. Be honest about why you’re breaking up. This is the hardest part of breaking up with someone, even if you don’t love them anymore! Being honest takes courage and tact. But it’s the best “breakup gift” you can give the person you’re breaking up with. This breakup tip really depends on the reasons you want to leave the relationship, your partner’s personality traits, and how much control he has over the issue. So, I encourage you to sprinkle your honesty with tact and compassion.

7. Let the person you’ve broken up with share his feelings. Ending a love relationship can involve anger, tears, bitterness — or no reaction at all! Part of saying “our relationship is over” involves letting your partner share feelings and emotions. Remember that the initial reaction might be awkward (even scary and painful!), but it’ll soon wind down…and you both will be able to talk calmly. Soon, you’ll both be at the “letting go” stage.

It’s important to end “the talk” with words such as, “I can understand that you’re angry and hurt. This isn’t the way I wanted our relationship to work out, either. I’m sorry for hurting you.” Remember that the person you’ve broken up with is confused, hurt, shocked, and possibly angry. Try to acknowledge his feelings.

Help Letting Go of Someone You Love

letting go of someone you loveI wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.

To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re letting go of a loved one. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.

Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”

Are you confused about breaking up? Read How to Decide if You Should Stay or Go.

If you have any questions or thoughts on saying it’s over to someone you once loved, please comment below…I can’t give advice, but you may find it helpful to share your experience. Writing about your relationship can help you work through your feelings about breaking up.

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19 Responses

  1. Laurie says:

    Thank you for writing about your experience – it takes courage to share what you’re going through! It’s a difficult place to be and a hard decision to make. How do you break up with someone if you aren’t sure you love him, or if you don’t know if you’re together for the right reasons?

    You sound like a self-aware and insightful woman, and you’re willing to take time to make the right decision. I can’t tell you if you should break up with your boyfriend, but I do have a few questions that might help you see your relationship differently.

    Coming up with your own answers has a much greater effect than me giving you advice – especially since I really don’t know enough about you or your situation to tell you what to do.

    How is this relationship affecting your behavior, thoughts and emotions?
    How does this relationship protect you from being vulnerable or hurt?
    How does it give you power and control?
    What would it take to make this relationship painful enough to break up with your boyfriend?
    Which path (staying in this relationship or breaking up) leads to more life, possibilities, and purpose?

    Go where the life is. Find ways to clear noise and clutter of unhealthy attachments, bad relationships, unhappy people. Listen to the still small voice of God – of divine wisdom and power! Be quiet so you can hear.

    Own up to the choices you’ve made and aren’t making. Don’t let past decisions ruin your future…you may grieve your loss, but you will be alive and growing a healthier future. You will be Blossoming.

    Here’s another article that may help:

    How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone

    Take care of yourself. Listen for that still small voice – for you are smarter, stronger, and braver than you know. And stay in touch! Sign up for my Blossom newsletter; I will send weekly inspiration and encouragement 🙂


  2. Lovemedearly says:

    I have a boyfriend. He loves me but the thing is. He’s my ex’s cousin. Once my ex left me for another girl after using me, his cousin came into the picture. We started talking and well he says he loves me. I don’t know what to do. At first i had strong feelings for him but the more i’m around him I feel strange. Like it’s wrong but maybe it’s just the effects still gaining on me from my ex. I don’t know honestly. Maybe time will fix these feeling I’m getting. If you know anything please help.

  3. jessi says:

    i’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years…he really really loved me at first and i didnt show any intrest in him and when i did, everything went bad suddenly and he asked to be away from each other for 3 months…then he came back and he was so srry and promised to never leave me again… but after 3 months we fighted a lot again and he wanted to go, i asked him not to go and he stayed for 1 month or so but again he left and when he came back, he was srry again :|…. last month we had arguments and for the THIRD time he asked me to give him space for a months but again he waited for some time and then he left but came back after 4 days … the first day he was so nice and kind and the second day (which was today )he was just mad at me for stupid and really unimportant things that are not even worth talking abt let alone arguing,…im even afraid to tell him how i feel or tell him that im hurt or sad bcs everytime i do, he gets mad or makes me feel like its my fault and in the end im the one who should apologize…i dont know if i still love him or not…i wanna break up but i cant😔

    • Ariana says:

      I wonder if your boyfriend is my boyfriend??? We’ve been together “off and on” for two years as well and it’s always the same pattern….get together …. Fight … He leaves and we lose touch for weeks or months… Then he comes back out of nowhere and same routine begins. He also picks fights over the dumbest things… And his actions do not correspond with his alleged love for me. Because of this back and forth.. I fell out of love with him.

      This weekend I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing to do but this type of relationship is NO GOOD. Trust me…. Once I stopped giving in to his childish, unwarranted gripes and accusations, I became empowered and finally got the courage to end it.

      Life is too short and you deserve gold!!! And this guy can be a sociopath, psychopath, player, who knows. And trust me when I say this.. You will get to a point where being in your own company…all the time…will be your preference over seeing him for even just a couple of hours.

  4. Angela says:

    Am still young, am in two relationships. I love one guy, not the other one, and want to break up with them both. Dated one for 1/2 months and the other we have been together for two years. I am afraid to break up with the first one because he really loves me but I don’t feel the same like I used to before. It’s a long distance relationship, even if he is coming back. I want to settle down with one guy but I don’t know if he too is the right one, I am really confused I want to stay loyal to whoever I date….and I want to give it a try with this new guy I know and I think I love him tooo.

  5. J says:

    So, I have been engaged for two years to a girl I thought was important to me, she’s always been there for me, supported me in everything. But recently I had a very important woman come back into my life and I feel every single thing I used to feel about her. The woman I am engaged to has nowhere to go. I don’t want her being homeless. I love the other woman more than the one I am engaged to. What do I do

  6. Fran says:

    It’s hard because of guilt. I mean, I love my bf of 3 years. But he is basically a jerk whenever I try to talk to him about relationship issues. It’s gotten to the point where I must make him promise not to show anger if I have something important to say. I walk on eggshells, I talk gently and sweetly, but he is so unapproachable that we never settle things. Of course the same arguments keep coming up because nothing is ever solved. It got to the point where I clearly stated what I needed from him in an emotionless letter. He said he ripped it up. He laughs at couple’s therapy. He laughs at me when I tell him what I need. It’s so hurtful. Yet I love him and want to keep trying. He’s taking me for granted and I know it. I feel a mixture of hatred for him and terrible guilt for wanting to abandon him.

    • Dan says:

      why would you feel guilt? frankly, it sounds like you have every reason to leave. he blatantly shows you he doesn’t care by laughing in your face and ripping up your letters… what’s there to feel bad about?

      he sounds emotionally abusive, and he’s doing it on purpose. pick yourself up and leave; be stronger than you want to be, and leave the man who ignores you.

  7. mahdee says:

    I was with someone for 16 years and I have ask about marriage 3 times and all 3 she said she wouldn’t make a good wife, she is 54 and I’m 47 and she has been going through menapouse. And 30 days ago to this date we were out of town and she wanted to go back home as she told me that her desire for sex was gone and she doesn’t know why..well we drove back home and I took a nap and left her house and came back 2 hr later and she told me to leave and I did and she stop answer my calls and text and told her family 2 days later that we were over, and didn’t tell me. I have spoke to her 4 times since and each time she has told or given me a different reasons for what she did. We had 4 trips set and paid for and she cancel them all saying she cannot go on a romantic trip because she doesn’t feel romantic..she still has my stuff and I have her keys and she just won’t talk to me and it’s killing me because my world has stop and I don’t know what’s going on. How to break up with someone you don’t love anymore?

  8. Kate says:

    I’m married and while going through a tough patch in my married life, I got a lot of support from this guy, and we ended up liking each other. However, in a few months I realised what was happening was wrong and in the meantime, me and my husband sorted out things. I wanted to break free from the guy, but now he is blackmailing me and threatening to ruin my life, if I do so. My husband knows about this fling, and is very supportive and standing by my side. Dont know how to get rid of this guy who is turning out to be a psycho!
    Feel so guilty and stuck up!

    • Dan says:

      if your husband knows and supports you, what are you afraid of?

      tell the guy to buzz off. he can’t ruin your marriage, so what power does he have?

      anybody ELSE who judges you harshly for a mistake you made and already confessed to, and made amends for, isn’t anybody worth worrying about. you have the love, trust and respect of your hubby again, so… good, let him tell people! you know the truth and acted with integrity by discussing already.

      the blackmailer has no power anymore, except your fear. stop being afraid, and stop letting him run your life.

      you’re already running it just fine!

  9. Leoni says:

    I recently got a new boyfriend, we’ve been dating for a week now but I have lost interest because I never see him. I want to break up with him and I don’t love him anymore, but I don’t know how. I’m just too scared I’ll hurt him because he likes me

    • Dan says:

      honey if you lost interest a week in, then i’m not sure why you ever started dating in the first place.

      if your “love,” didn’t survive the first seven days, just give him a call or tell next time you see him, that you really expected to spend time together, and if that’s not gonna happen, then there’s no point.

      and i mean… it’s only been a week, lol. you’ll both be fine. 🙂

  10. Laurie says:

    Even if you don’t have the courage to break up with someone face to face, you have to do it! Don’t break up with someone you love over text or email.

  11. kathy says:

    i have been in a relationship for two years he shows no interest i supports him when i talk to any males he curses and slaps me about why am i treated this way

    • Dan says:

      anyone who slaps you for ANY reason, is NOT worth your time and energy.

      that’s the truth. plain and simple.

      millions of people manage to find a healthy relationship, and even UNhealthy relationships, where nobody hits anybody. and you are no different.

      leave your abusive control-freak, and find someone else. despite what he says, there IS someone better for you out there, and that someone is dying to meet you. 🙂

  12. Bridget says:

    I’ve been dating this guy since November and just recently we became engaged. Nothing official yet. We have only told a few people. I never want to hang out with him anymore…I have changed so much and all this stuff and I just dont feel the same. I dont know what to do. I cant break his heart… but I guess I have to. I dont have the courage to do this face to face. Does anyone have any advice for me?

    • bella says:

      Talk to him about it, for sure its difficult, but he has to understand you feel rushed. Hope your okay, its difficult I know. Stay strong, do what’s good for you. X

  13. Relationships Breaking Up says:


    Its a good process, get yourself out of that relationship you don’t want to be stuck with, you might be miserable hurting both of you..its a nice post and thank you…

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