When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Here’s how to cope with the devastation and shock when your boyfriend or husband says he fell out of love with you. You may feel helpless and hopeless, but there are things you can do to regain your sense of joy and peace.

When He Says He Doesn’t Love You AnymoreYou might want to read How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Susan Page. It may help you learn how to reconnect in ways you haven’t thought of. You might be able to save your marriage or rebuild your relationship – as long as you remember that you can’t make anyone love you.

If it’s too late for you and your boyfriend to rekindle your relationship, read How to Let Go of a Relationship. He may have fallen out of love with you, but your life is not over! You are smart, healthy, strong, courageous, and valuable. Don’t let the fact that your boyfriend fell out of love with you change how you see yourself. How he feels about you doesn’t change who you are, and why God put you on this earth.







When one person in a relationship falls out of love, it may feel like you’ll never heal or move on. Reading these tips is the easy part – actually putting them into practice and moving forward after your boyfriend says he fell out of love is the hard part. But you can do it – you CAN start to move forward and heal.

When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

These tips are partly inspired by a reader’s comment on When to Leave a Relationship. She is in love with her boyfriend, but he never made her feel loved. She was never even sure if she was his girlfriend. What should she do about this relationship? is what she asked. Here’s what I think all women should do when their partners say they fell out of love – or if their partners were never in love with them in the first place…

Focus on yourself – not on him

For others to love and respect you, you have to love and respect yourself. How do you love and respect yourself? You make practical, tangible changes in your life. Maybe this means getting a better job, going back to school, developing your hobbies, exercising more, working on your self-esteem, or spending more time with people you respect. Maybe it means getting up early to exercise or finding out about student loans.



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Give yourself – and him – space to heal and breathe

One of the most important things to do when he doesn’t love you anymore is to take a step back – though your instinct is to move closer! Find your self-identity. Figure out who you are apart from your marriage, relationship, kids, and relatives. Give yourself (and him) room to breathe.

Look at your relationship objectively

When you say, “he doesn’t love me anymore”, are you letting your feelings dictate your future, your thoughts, your life? I understand that – you’ve been invested in this relationship for years; now, you need to look at it objectively, with your mind and gut (not your heart). Is this the relationship you wanted for yourself, before you met him? Would you want your daughter, sister, or best friend to be in this relationship? Does your partner willingly meet your needs and respect your wishes? Do you do the same for him? If you had to do it all over again, ask yourself if you’d choose him again as your partner. That may help you look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay or leave.

Maybe you don’t even love him. Maybe you’re just in love with the idea of having a boyfriend, or being married. Read How to Know When You’re in Love.

Incorporate two new activities into your life

Plan a trip to Mexico. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Be a Big Sister. Take a sushi making class. Join a snowshoeing or hiking club. Take Zumba dance lessons! Find a new place to live. It doesn’t matter what the new activities are, really…what matters is that you find new, interesting things to do with your life. Then, when you start obsessing about your ex, you can practice replacing your obsessive thoughts with something new and interesting.

boyfriend fell out of love

“When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore” image by Hoeg via DeviantArt

When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” said Khalil Gibran. “And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”

Take a step back and let the air flow between you. Below, I describe what “spaces in your togetherness” means….sometimes you just have to let go. Here are a few tips on what to do when he doesn’t love you anymore…

I know it’s not easy to recover when a man says he fell out of love with you. It’s devastating, and your heart feels like it’ll never heal. You feel like you’ll never fall in love again.

But you WILL heal, and you WILL fall in love again. You just need to find the strength and courage to move on. For tips on moving on, read the 10 Best Tips on Starting Over After a Bad Relationship.






Related to Your Search




What do you think – how will you respond when he says he doesn’t love you anymore? Can you be strong and move on?

65 Responses

  1. Silvia says:

    My husband of three years just told me 2 weeks ago that he is no longer in love with me. we had been fighting the past 4 months during his deployment. I had found out that he was seeking a relationship online and I caught him. at firs the was apologetic about it but did nothing to redeem himself. after he told me he no longer loved me over the phone I thanked him for being honest and said goodbye. The very next day and every day from that day on he has texted me and called. I don’t answer his text right away or sometimes not at all. when he calls I keep it short and friendly. I decided the moment he said he no longer loved me, that I need to be selfish and take care of myself and not him. he will be home on the 25th of this month and I have already moved all of my things from the master bedroom into the guest room. I love him but I know I am worth so much more than how he has been treating me and disregarding my pain and feelings. now that I don’t show any interest in saving our marriage, he is panicking and trying to butter me up. I don’t know if our marriage is worth saving or if it is possible for me to move forward with this man.

  2. siewe says:

    We hve been frnds for a while, we tlk about our relatnships and for the second we met he made advances I accepted thinking he was a kind person, I was very reluctant to have sex with him but I really had a strong feeling for him and after a long struggle I gave in, he asked me if I was sure and we had it there was no sign he wasn’t interested in me before a month cos I had paid him a suprise visit he said we shld stay as friends, later he said he doesn’t loves me and he didn’t ask me out. Its bn so painful when I had asked him twice if he wanted this relatnship and he dangled with the answer like its ok and I told him how I was feeling but he said he thought I was joking.

  3. Claudia says:

    I broke up with my boyfriend because he was not in love with me. I was mostly a reckless person in my 20s, but with him I wanted a family. I could imagine family with him 6 weeks after we started dating. We have moved in togheter only after two months of dating. I have introduced him to my family and friends, and in my family that is a very big deal. Now, after more than one year of fighting he told me that he is just used to me, but does not love me. We did have a lot of fights before, mostly because he was not very interested in me…. I guess it is time to start over, move out, diet (haha), stop listening to criticism, stop allowing him to put me down, stop crawing for his love. I used to be loved and cherished, and I did not appreciated that. First time I try, I end up wasting almost 2 years of my life on the complete wrong person. Now I am afraid I will panic soon, there is a lot of pressure for me to move in my next stage of life … I do not want to be lonely, I do not want to get old, I do not want to be 35 and desperate. I should have planned better, but somehow I am happy I have tried all my best. I never tried before. I will know better. I will appreciate the good man that will come into my life.

  4. Lily says:

    Mt bf of 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago. He is the most beautiful thing in my life. We were LDR and we are from different country. A year ago, we moved to the other country together( neither his nor mine). And we tried to get a work visa in that country but fail. Afterwards, he persuaded me to move back to my country together. At the last few months, I brought up the marriage topic a few time which I think is the main reason he broke up with me cos he told me he wasn’t ready for that. Long story short, he broke up with me out of blue via email a few days after we both flu back to our own country. And refused my calls and text during the time he was at home. Now he flu to my city and having a job here again. But refuse to get back together. He is doing so well, meeting new ppl and joining new group to keep practicing his favor sports and also learning my launage. ( he is native speaker and I speak the other launage). It hurts so much cos I truly love him and he didn’t really discuss with me about not wanting to get married soon. I am so confused, if you are truly in love with someone shouldn’t you communicate with your SO to try to be on the same page instead of breaking up? We are still friends and he said he doesn’t want me to get out of his life completely. But it hurts so much cos he is my first love also I can’t accept the way he broke up with me. It is so hopeless that someone broke up with you miles away and you couldn’t do anything to make it up.

  5. Franca says:

    My fiance and i just broked up as a result of one or two issues,but i have tried appealing to him rather he has encouraged me to move on with my life that we are not compatible,i feel depressed because i have loved hI’m somuch,he is miles away from me

    • Justine says:

      Hi Franca, as the pthers say we can walk together. My boyfriend left me out of the blue 1 week ago 6 days away from my 30th bday. I gave up my job so I can concentrate on building our hope start s family. Now I habe just turned 30, homeless and jobless. So trust me I get you I feel for you and you are not alone…

  6. Laurie says:

    I’m sorry your boyfriend said he doesn’t love you anymore. It’s very painful to be rejected, especially by someone you love so much! And you’ve given him so much, supported him through so much…I understand how heartbreaking it is.

    Give yourself time to heal. Let him go, and start listening to your heart. What do you need out of your life – besides your boyfriend? He can’t love you the way you love him, or the way you want him to love you. He doesn’t have it in him.

    Let him go. Start focusing on grieving the end of your relationship. Do things that help you heal and grow.

    Who is with you on this journey? Find someone to walk with you. Getting in-person support will help immensely.

  7. Lanie says:

    i am in a long distance relationship and i met my bf online and he visit me in my country last January he stayed for 3 weeks and everything is perfect at first he is so sweet and always tell me that he loves me and i’m the only one for him we had a great memories i am so inloved with him even we just meet not that long, we had a lot of memories together but when he came back to his country he changed and said he don’t love me anymore and it was just an illusion he said he don’t like me coz i always mess up things and some stuff .. i think when u love someone u need to accept them even their flaws.. i want to move on to him what can i do??

    • Jully says:

      Am on the exactly same situation. And he has moved on too fast and I suffer everyday. He said that he wants to live with his best friend and be free. Spend every minute with him and no girls anymore. I thought he could be just gay trying to discover himself. But who knows? For me, all I know is that after he coming here see me, the going back home changed everything in a short period of time

  8. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Niki,

    I’m so sorry that you’re going through this! You changed your whole life for him, and he suddenly says he doesn’t love you anymore. You move to a different country, quit your job, sold your stuff, and thought you were investing in a committed love relationship….it must have been devastating to hear him change his mind so easily.

    My heart goes out to you. It’s not easy to heal after such a difficult breakup.

    You have the strength and courage to get through this. You WILL heal and be happy again! It’ll take time, but don’t let your heart get bitter. Don’t seal yourself off. Turn to people, share what you’re going through, and trust yourself to get healthy again.

    I wrote How to Heal a Broken Heart – it may help you get through this.

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-heal-your-broken-heart/

    Be well, and don’t lose heart.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  9. Niki says:

    Hi,
    Please help me. I am going through the lowest in my life. I have been dating this guy for 10 months now. He is French and wooed me to move with him to another country as his job took him to. I quit my reallt well paying job and followed him. While on the move, we took a vacation in France and a day before the flight to the new country, he told me to go back as he doesn’t love me anymore. I begged him as I didn’t even have a place to go back to. I had quit my job, sold my belongings at his behest. He allowed me to come to the next country and I felt we were doing well. Till I came back last month to my sister’s wedding. He wrote a long text to me and said I should look for jobs there and leave him alone for Christmas and the new year. My family doesn’t know about all this, the fact that I don’t have a job. I had panic attack in France when he told me he doesn’t love me anymore. Now he uses it against me that I am psycho. I haven’t been able to sleep properly in days now. I could not be myself at the wedding. He was supposed to attend the wedding with me. My family expected to see him but I had to lie. He writes hurtful things like I don’t like your current body. I prefer how you looked when I met you. I gained a few kilos during vacations but he is rude and gets angry if I say anything. I need help. I really do. I can’t think straight. Immigration took a toll on me and no emotional support from him has broken me further. He has never hugged me to even say it will be ok. It’s not easy to find a job and I don’t have any friends. He wrote to me that he is not ready to be a couple and when I asked him why he made gigantic promises and coax me into quitting my job and move with him, he just texted back saying that wasn’t him in his real self. I think I am gonna cry now.

    • Mathilde says:

      He is a jerk. He doesn’t diserve you. Time will heal you even if you don’t believe it now.
      You are a miracle. You are lovable.
      Talk to someone you trust, your mother, a sibling about what you are going trough right now, .
      Allow yourself to feel the pain. Don’t stay alone.
      You are strong and powerful on your own, you can be fullfilled on your own, you can be complete. Let this be a growing experience, for you to be the light for someone else.

      You can contact me if you need to. Take time for taking care of you.

    • Cara says:

      HI Niki, I feel sorry for you. I got almost the same experience with you (the same with French Guy also, but I did not mean that all the French guy are a bad guy). Even it has been almost one and half months now I literally could not get over him at all. Please also do not think that he is a jerk as well because hating someone you truly love won’t help you at all. If you wanna cry just cry because it will help you a lot. Trust me even you asked everyone to help you and all of us here for you try to support you but there is none can really help you because do not lie to yourself every time somebody else said something to support you, you heart won’t even listen. The only one who can help you is YOURSELF (and God). What I do (probably can help you and I hope so): I move back to my own country try to get closer with my family (tried to explain with your family your situation because they will be the only one that support and except you the best more than anyone); try to not contact him at all (even I know it is really hard but when you push someone that not has a same mind and feeling like what you ask for they will step back every time you push them); try to buy a new journal/calendar (you can write what are you gonna do everyday the example, join gym and get back to your old shape), buy a beautiful book to write as a diary (every time there is a tears try to write or if you find some inspiring quotes write it as well and when you get better and better try to still write for 20 to 30 mins everyday); lastly try to go out with your friendsssss and when you feel lonely call your friends that you now really close won’t get tired to hear your feeling over and over (that kind of friend is really rare actually but I belive there is one at least) 🙂
      I know how you feel when you heard someone said he is not the only man in this world but in your heart he is the best man and you just love him the way he is but prove yourself that you still can be happy 🙂 I do not try to said be in a rush, NO at all 🙂 take your time because for sure you won’t forget about him there is always a way you will remember him and feeling down again and cry again and again. I still love my ex until now and for sure he knows and I promise to my self I won’t lose this feeling just like that but meanwhile let me get back to my old me because at the end of the they everyone in this world I believe want to be a better person :). If you and your ex are meant to be there is always a way this world will lead both of you so do not worry 🙂 God has a bigger plan that you ever plan 🙂 If you need someone you talk to you but there is no one can really listen and you feel you wanna talk to me just send me an email 🙂 I hope you could get better soon.
      Cara

  10. sharan says:

    Hi all, I am in a 3 year relationship where my partner and I have had several arguments, mainly my insecurities which I am having therapy for. I feel I am growing as a person to the stage where I am now studying towards counselling myself. My boyfriend suffers from depression and tends to feel very low, to the stage it has affected us intimately and otherwise. I don’t feel I can be myself around him when he is low, in fear of saying the wrong thing. but he knows I am here if he needs to be. The other day he came over for a chat and told me he loves and cares for me but is not in love with me. this was hard to digest and Its still going over and over in my head. We have a xmas holiday booked, so are planning on going together and see if we can move on from this, but I really don’t know if I can, if I should walk away. It is really hard, as I do love him a lot

  11. alone says:

    i’ve been with my ex boyfriend for 5 years and we are living together. last week i caught him chatting with our flatmate obviously they are flirting with each other and i asked my ex boyfriend about it he said he can do whatever he want because im not his wife. i even called the girl so we can talk, the 3 of us but he shouted at me and said you are not my wife. in short, he chose that girl over me. after that day, first thing in the morning when hes at work i moved out from our room now they continue their flirting and my ex boyfriend is sleeping in the room of that girl and sometimes on our roon watching, drinking, cuddling and everything. my friend whos living in that flat is telling me everything whats happening. my ex boyfriend send me messages asking how i am because he is worried and he wants to be friend only to me. last night i asked for closure and he said to me that he is enjoying his life now, single life, he said he just love me as a friend and i need to forget him. and i know when hes talking to me the girl is beside him, my friend told me so. and he slept again in the room of that girl. it hurts a lot i cant sleep and eat properly. i feel alone and no self esteem left at all. i guess he ia taking his luck to have a relationship with that girl and its like killing me. we just broke up a week ago. btw, they knew each other for a month only but started texting 1 week when i caught them. pls i need an advice. i dont know how will i start my life again. pls help and give me advice. thanks

  12. Ch says:

    I’m living what everyone else is 11 years together married 9 in a week 2 weeks ago I hear I love you and care about you but I don’t have the love you deserve to have.sold our home 2 years ago bought a place at the beach a year ago he is several hours away and we had all these plans for our future of retirement and now what. He says that I can stay here as long as I want he is going to pay all the bills and give me money weekly I’m on disability so I get very little he says he needs time to figure out what’s wrong with him I’m a awesome faithful wife the ones before me did him wrong I’m feeling like I’m being punished for them I’m so lost

  13. Georgie says:

    Hi Laurie
    My partner of 17.5 years has said he loves me but is not in love with me and he will always love me as the mother of his children . I really do love him and want him back. The thing is he is still living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed, and giving me mixed signals neither of us want to sell our house and he’s saying there is no chance of rekindling this I m hoping over time with myself making changes and becoming a better person that he will see this be he will hopefully see me as I was before is there any hope ?

    • Rachel says:

      Georgie, I’ve been with my husband for a total of 26 years – 20 of those married. I’m in the same situation as you for the second time in our relationship. This has been going on for us for the last 7 years. I’m desperate to figure out what to do. Have you made any progress or gotten any good suggestions? Best of luck to you.

      • Caroline says:

        My Husband tells me he loves me, loves to come home to see me – he travels often, He loves that we are partners in this marriage but he has no attraction for me at all. That’s the barb that hurt. I appreciate his honesty. We are cclose to our 25th wedding anniversary and frankly I have felt his less than interest for years and have bent over backwards trying to rekindlle a spark. He isn’t interested and I am tired of thinking it is my fault. Marriage is a partnership but the work has to be done on both sides. I am just not sure how to end it. SEX is a big thing to me. Not having a willing partner is not a marriage. We would just be room mates. I am lost as to what to do. My kids are grown adn out of the house. His company wants him to work in another state and he travels so much he is never home.

  14. Disrespected says:

    Hi Laurie

    My boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months. e started a new job and he says that he now has feelings for someone he works with, but he doesn’t want to lose me, but he really likes her he talks about her all the time. I really love him with everything in me and i don’t want to lose him but it really hurts when he talks about her and I’m teriffied he is cheating on me with her. What should I do. I mean i got hurt the other day and he didn’t even act like he cared he’d rather text her then pay any attention to me. Is their something i can do to win his attention back or should i just give up and let him go. Please help I can’t do this much longer.

    Signed,
    Disrespected

  15. Katie says:

    Hi, I was in a relationship for 5 years. He smoked pot every day, all day. It was a deal breaker to me, but I was too head over heels for him by the time I found out, to let go. Our relationship was destructive. I have been to 3 psychiatric hospitals in 2 years due to depression and suicidal thoughts. I dropped out of college, and moved all around the city I live in to stay with him. He swears everything was my fault, but I disagree. I have so many regrets, but it seems as if he has none…when I believe that he should. He told me yesterday he doesnt love me anymore and today I tried calling him and after I called him, he changed his number. Didn’t even say bye or anything. I feel empty. I feel numb.

  16. lostandalone says:

    hi i hope you can help i was with my ex for 1 year 8 month living together for 6 month and a couple of weeks ago he broke up with me he told me that he did not love me and that he has not loved me for a long time as he is still in love with his ex nether him or i have any where to go were trying to be friends but he gets jealous if i talk to friends he has mood swings he can be loving or he be snappy at me as we still live together i spend all my time in my bedroom i just don’t know what i can do

  17. bee says:

    well, we have been together for years, and living together for 7 months, he is from another country, and since he got here he couldnt go there to visit his family. Last year he finaly could and he took me there, introduced me to his family and friends and after we got back he asked me to marry me. After 7 months living together he went back there to his daughter baptism, and came back and said he does not love me anymore and thinks that he never did, that maybe he felt so lonely that he held on to me, and mistaken love with lonlyness and that he loves someone else. it has been so hard getting over this because i thought everything he said was true and for him to drop this bombshell, i just lost it.
    I gave him space, havent talked to him for almost a week now, im focusing on myself and my needs, trying to get out of conmfort zone and dedicate time for me .
    i dont know how our story will end but i know that im starting new.

  18. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Maria,

    You ARE strong enough to survive this! You have so much life in you, even though it seems hopeless and sad right now. Dig deep, and go beyond where you’ve ever gone before. I know you can do it.

    When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, you need to connect with people who DO love you. Find your tribe, talk to your loved ones, make new friends. Start over — I believe in you.

    Call your two closest friends or family members, and reach out for help. You WILL find the help you need. It will be hard and painful, but I know you will survive this.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  19. Maria says:

    After 14 years and due to be married on 1st August 2015 after paying for the bands he drops bombshell saying he don’t love me anymore my world has just
    Been took from under my feet I’m lost alone not understanding and have nowhere to go no money no nothing as house is his etc I love him so much he wants me out of house asap and I don’t want to let go I no I’m being selfish everyone keeps saying there is better but I don’t want anyone else I just feel I want to end my life and no one understands me any advice will be great full

    • debbie b says:

      I am in the same boat. I have been with my boyfriend for 15 years. Used to live together but I moved to care for my grandson. Yesterday he says he doesnt love me and wants to see whats out there. I know how u are feeling, I cry, cant sleep and miss him. This morning I went for long walk and trust me I never exercise but it felt good. Felt I was doing something for me. Keep in touch with me and we can heal together. We love them but need to move on. I am 61 so hurts alot more being old

  20. bo says:

    After 49 years of marriage he says he never loved me. I have always felt I was in a loveless marriage all the years. No physical contact after year 17, adultery and talk of divorce yet he never went for one. I get no emotional and very little monetary support from him yet I know at my age of 69 I could not survive on my own. I feel I have been and still am in a none existant life just waiting to die…

    • Jan says:

      You can and will make it. Focus on yourself and what you’re going to need to make it. You may feel non existent, but you are important and your life matters. Just hang on.

    • Felecia says:

      Hello, I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling. And I’ll like to say that you are a very very strong woman for staying all those years. I’m afraid of being in a loveless relationship. My boyfriend just told me that he doesn’t love me. We’ve been together almost 4yrs and lived together almost 5. We were friends and roommates first. He is 20 years older than me and was so nice and sweet in the beginning. We connected on all levels and now it just feels like going through the motions. I’m happy! Until he pulls a bitch fit. Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for being soooo strong and proving that women are the stronger sex! We deal with such hatred, regret, shame etc. all to please another and get no recognition or respect. Im sorry.

  21. annie says:

    Hi laurie
    i and my boyfriend had a relationship of 1 year nd 6 months now derz so worst situation for me in which he is like he wants to live his own life he doesn’t love me anymore. i love him madly i want him back to me what should i do please can u giveme advise plz

  22. Natalie Keane says:

    I am a week into my break up. I have been with now ex 8 years, since we were 16. He was my 1st boyfriend and love. He told me after a week feeling he does not love me and doesnt want this no more. We moved into a house at xmas together. Planned weekends away for the summer etc, and after a week he said he has been sick and says its not for him and that he wants to concentrate on himself and his life. I miss him so much. I am in bits, coz i love him so much. I have moved home to my mums, 2 hrs away. I moved my whole life for him, I am now left with no job, boyfriend, friends. All are gone and am feeling so alone. I really want to hear from him, i keep looking at my phone hoping he would txt me. I am in bits and my family are great but all i keep seeing and thinking is him, the bed we shared, our home where he is now living, dinners out, our date nights etc. I never seen this coming, no idea. He works alot and plays sport and i have always understood. I cant stop thinking about everything that we had a week ago, 2 weeks ago. I just want to go back. I want a hug from him and to hear I LOVE YOU again. He loved me the week before, so I am so confused. I wish he would try and start again and maybe we moved to fast into a home at our age 24. I would do the distance thing again and try and try but he doesnt want to. I have an urge all the time to txt him or ring him. and when i do i dont hear from him or else its 2 mins on phone and he gone. I dont know how i to not talk to him. He has been a rock to me over alot of things and we always had eachothers backs. I feel scared and alone for the future. I wish i could move on and take these feelings away but i cant. 8 years thrown away and its killing me inside. All i want to do is sleep and cry. All i see is what he should be doing with me and what we had planned for the weeks ahead. All gone. I have deleted everything, bar his facebook page and number as we still have bills etc to sort out and i still have stuff to collect. I am dreading it.

    • Keerthana says:

      You know what Natalie..I so understand all this..I myself am in a difficult situation..we feel so so deeply about them and would leave everything just for them and we don’t understand how somebody could fall out of it when we fell into it every second! But believe me honey..we owe a little to us right? Sometimes we love the wrong person so rightly..he is probably not worthy of all your tears..u have your parents at least..I haven’t told mine for the fear of breaking their heart to see me devastated..I know it feels like we have become such a loser..gained nothing and have absolutely nothing to look forward to..but have faith..time will heal..keep faith and be in company of those who care for you

  23. Chloe says:

    Me and bf has been together for 4years and 3months.. When I text him “honestly do you still love me?” And he replied “actually I don’t know” what does it mean? He don’t love me anymore?

  24. Eina says:

    My relation last for 5 long years and even though is finish now from some time I still can’t believe it’s over just like that.. We always had been only a weekend couple but I felt so in love and I liked the way we are.. However the relationship made me lonely, confused, feeling worthless and unattractive.. When there was finish between us he didn’t tell me he doesn’t love me any more (he wasn’t saying he loves me either), he just let me feel day by day how he care less and less. Every day when I tried to contact him he didn’t want to talk to me he was telling me that I abuse him I’m always the same, that was making me so crazy I didn’t understand why from one call asking how is he, he was telling me that’s abuse.. I felt guilty I looked in every word something.. I was wondering what I said or did not right so he is so mad at me.. We didn’t contact for 2 weeks and then he asked to meet.. I was even crying telling him he doesn’t love me he showing me that he don’t care all the time.. But he was insisting to be together.. We supposed to meet again outside for diner but when the time came he just called me told me he is tired and want to come to my home.. I agreed we spent weekend together and he left on Sunday.. Well on Monday he didn’t contact me on Tuesday I waited whole day until evening.. When he finally did call me after two min conversation he got mad hung up on me and put his phone off.. Since that time we didn’t talk.. I texted him asking for the weekend he said he is going to visit his brother and never contact me back despite promising we will meet when he comes back.. It’s really hard but I know is the best thing to do.. I have a daughter with another man she is already 9 and she hates my boyfriend like my whole family.. I done a lot for this man I change my entire life I stopped going out having friends.. The only thing I appreciate is my education and good job.. But even that he never told me he is proud it was more a chalange who is better.. Often I heard I passed my exams thanks to him but actually before every big event I was lifeless as he disrespecting me and made me feel low.. I feel like I love them man if he just tell me to meet I will be there and I hate my self for that.. I feel possessed addicted I don’t know if this is the love I never ever felt like that towards a maN.. I can’t understand why he done it to me we differ from eachother so much.. i know he damaged a girl before me too but they were dating only 2 years for me I spent for the man 5 and I feel like it was the best time I should do something with my life.. Find a has and and be happy.. I always wanted only him even tho I knew there is no future.. And I don’t feel angry on him I hate my self for being that stupid that disrespectful to my self having no dignity.. I’m lifeless

  25. Shayne says:

    Hi Laurie,

    If my bf says he doesn’t love me nor feel attracted to me after 4 years, do you think he’ll try to work this out between me and him or he’ll let go?

  26. D'angela says:

    Hi Laurie,

    Please help me. I’ve been in a relationship with this man for 2 years. We met, dated, and agreed to move in together 1-2 months into the relationship. I know it was too fast, but it seemed we both found love at first sight, and we really wanted it. So I moved in with no questions asked. Now fast forward 2 years, I’ve gone back to school for a few months which had me away from the house Monday through Friday. I could tell he was sad and getting frustrated by how much I was away and not helping in the home. Weekends became our scapegoat and we continued partying as always. We traveled here and there. Then I got a city job which has me working around the clock overtime. He actually encouraged me to take the job to move up in life. Now we both regretted it however, he knows the job was a good experience for me. We agreed just recently for me to find another job that gives me time for myself again. Finances got rough and he convinced me to make the decision to move back with my mom to save money, go back to school, pay off my debt, and eventually marry him. I’m still living here waiting for the other job to call. Last night we had a long talk about how I’ve been feeling that he doesn’t show me the same affection as before. He told me he’s fallen out of love with me. I couldn’t believe it. We talked again today after I got out of work early. I couldn’t stop crying. He begged me to stay friends because he still loves me as a person and cares about me. He was crying too. I told him I need to move out because I can’t sleep next to a person who doesn’t love me back. It’s so hard for me to accept this. We even considered trying to date again and start over, but I’m a bit scared of trying. What do I do? I love him so much and I know he’s the one for me, we just started off by moving in too fast 🙁 🙁

  27. ar says:

    Thanks Laurie. I keep coming to read this piece since I am dealing with a heartbreak. But I am glad I am slowly picking up my life in a bright manner. I am concertating hard on my work, making new friends, trying to understand other peoples dream, aspiration, fears, happiness etc. I keeps my mind occupied. But yes once in a while I do check his facebook to know what he is doing. I hope to stop that soon. But ever since I promised myself not to feel rejected, accept pain and understand that it is a passing phase and I will meet the right person when the right time comes. Ever since, universe has been responding to me in a great way. My work is being appreciated, my relationahip with my team has become great, I am meeting new people, learning dance, acting etc. Of course I miss him, but I know I will never go back into the relationship with him cuz I deserve better , someone who respects me and accepts me wholely for who I am. I wish you well, I want to know how are you doing in life now? Best wishes…

  28. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Su Mon,

    It’s sad and heartbreaking when your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore. How can someone just fall out of love? It’s very difficult to understand and accept. And, it’s natural that you’d want to find ways to make him love you again! You love him, and you want to be with him.

    My prayer for you is that you accept his feelings, and let him go. May you release him, may you stop obsessing about him loving you, and may you surrender to his decision. I pray that you see him clearly, for who he is. May you see that his love for you was dependent on your appearance, on you being a certain way. He didn’t love you for who you are….if he did, he’d be with you right now. I pray that you respect yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself. Rebuild your life without him, get emotionally and spiritually strong and healthy. Find wisdom and guidance in your heart, and follow the path of courage, faith, and hope. Build a life you love….and you will find a man who loves you unconditionally and wholly.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  29. Su Mon says:

    Dear Laurie,

    Our love is 2 year long. He is very love and care a lot to me. He requested to me to marriage him. Unfortunately, so many acne appeared my face. I was depressed. But he take care a lot my acne. He bought so many drug for me. But my acne appeared again and again till now. I was overlook and misunderstand him for his love. He is very sad. And he may be changed his love to another women I think. He said that he doesn’t want to see my face and hear my voice. Now he leave me. How can I try to get back him? Now I am showing the doctor for my acne. I teaching the drive to car. I learning English language to be good more. I am trying to change my mindset to positive thinking. After changed all, should I go to him directly and meet him ? How should I do? I love him very much.

    Thanks,

    Su Mon

  30. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Niomi,

    After 10 years of marriage, I’ve learned that love is so many things – and what you said is true. There isn’t one single definition of love. Above all, I believe love is acceptance and encouragement, of the ability to allow people to be who they are without trying to make them into who we think they should be. True love is freedom. Not freedom to lie, cheat, steal, or betray! Love is also full of boundaries, which are healthy and which create safe, solid, strong relationships.

    May you find strength and courage to give your boyfriend time and space to figure what he means when he says he doesn’t love you anymore. I hope you can use the time to reconnect with yourself, and to figure you your own definition of what love means in action and in relationships. I also pray that you find clarity and wisdom, so you know what to do with regard to your boyfriend.

    Letting go of someone you love is the hardest thing to do. But it’s also the healthiest. May you find ways to let go of your boyfriend, to allow both him and you time to learn what love means to you individually and as a couple. I pray that you find ways to love yourself and God, so you can love others whole-heartedly. I wish you all the best in your relationship, and that you and your boyfriend are able to work through the confusing thoughts and emotions.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  31. Niomi says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend just over a year now and I’ve always been sceptical about ‘love’. By no means do I believe there is one single emotion that is ‘love’ but more of a collection of thoughts, feelings and behaviour. There is no real definition, but I use it to tie all my strong feelings I have towards him together. The attraction and personal emotion we share. He has said from day one I am the love of his life and best friend but recently he’s gone cold. He say’s the feelings towards me haven’t changed and we are still solid, but he’s not sure if he loves me. He’s banging on about ‘what is love’ and thinks his curiosity isn’t hurting me but it is. He still wants to be with me but has now just decided to say ‘how can I love you if I don’t know what love is’, but yet he’s still saying ‘I love you’ over the phone and via text. He’s being very affectionate recently via text but is still standing his ground about this nonsense. I know I can’t force anyone to love me but what do I do?! The relationship is perfect but he’s just dropped this on me and expects me to carry on my life. Is he scared about how he feels towards me? Is he trying to end the relationship slowly? I’m so confused

    • Rochelle says:

      I have been in the same situation. I don’t know what love is..I don’t know how to love you if I don’t know what it means to love someone. In my case there was someone else but he didn’t really want to let me go. I think he was just looking for a way out but wasn’t really sure if that was what he wanted to do. We have actually broken up but he hasn’t moved out of my house. I want him to leave Bc I feel like if he is so confused or his feelings have changed that he doesn’t need to be there at all. He needs to go so I can move on. I haven’t just put him out Bc at the moment he has no where to go. He sleeps in the guest bedroom. I don’t think he really wants to let go and is just playing games Bc I’m not giving him what he wants like I use to but oh well. Im fine without him and it’s his loss which I think he knows and that’s why he hasn’t left. I made him aware that when he left it was over for good! But my advice to you is put space in between u two. He needs to figure out what he wants but don’t sit around waiting to see. Get on with your life. Do things you like..enjoy yourself. Don’t waste 9 yrs of your life like I did.

  32. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Rochelle,

    What a disappointing and heartbreaking shock, for your boyfriend to say he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. He fell out of love with you, but he still loves you as a person. It’s a difficult thing to hear, and I’m sorry you have to go through this.

    My prayer is for healing. May you find the strength and courage you need to let go of your boyfriend, to give him freedom. May you start the healing process by asking him to get his stuff out of your place within the next three days, and by refreshing your home so you can make it yours again. I pray that you surround yourself with the right friends, the right type of positive and healing energy, and the right ways to start processing the grief you feel. May you move forward in your life with faith and confidence that this breakup was the right thing to happen. May you reignite your relationship with yourself, and with God, and may you start finding positive things as this chapter of your life ends. Amen.

    I wrote this article this morning – maybe it’ll help you let go.
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-let-go-of-a-relationship/

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  33. Rochelle says:

    My boyfriend of 9 years has been living with me for 7 months. At first it was good. When we had issues he even suggested counseling but he started to change. Now he barely talks to me..never calls me really..doesn’t ask anything about me, how I’m doing how was my day nothing. Last week he told me he loves me but doesn’t want the relationship anymore. I told him he needs to leave then Bc he can’t live there and not want a relationship with me. He said ok and he would get his stuff..still hasn’t left yet. Has started talking a little more..speaks and has been calling a little more..what I found out though was he friended a married woman and apparently she has been in his ear and I think she is why his feelings are changing. What do I do?

  34. Laurie says:

    Finding out that your boyfriend isn’t in love with you anymore is heartbreaking. It’s difficult to understand how he fell out of love, and why the relationship couldn’t be saved!

    My prayer for you is that you find peace and healing. May this give you motivation to get to know yourself better, and celebrate your strengths! You are a valuable, kind, beautiful, smart woman. Your boyfriend’s feelings aren’t a reflection of who you are, but who he is. You and he aren’t meant to be together, and you will be happier and healthier if you can find a way to accept the breakup.

    I wish you all the best, and will keep you in my prayers.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  35. may says:

    last night my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with because he says i dont trust him. Last month I went on a trip and had asked him if there was anything wrong, he said no, So this morning when we spoke he told me he wanted to break up with me prior to my trip but didn’t do it because he didn’t want me to have a bad time, then he said he was going to do it after the holidays. We’ll that didn’t happen because it happened last night. this is the 3rd time we broke up and its a cycle that can’t be repeated. i know I am strong but this is hard i need to have faith and just come to realize that were just two different people. Trust and communication is key. i know i need time to heal and find peace plus he said he had fallen out of love with me i just don’t understand why he couldn’t break up with me before my trip it would have been better.

  36. Laurie says:

    Dear kb,

    I think that if a man threatens to hurt you in any way, then he doesn’t love you. I believe that men who cheat and lie are not good men to get back together with. I know you still love him and that he maybe fell out of love with you — and that hurts so much. But sometimes you have to put your feelings and emotions aside, and do the right thing in the long run.

    Let go of a man who says he’ll hurt you. Heal your heart and spirit, and move forward into a new life.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  37. Destiny says:

    My husband of 16 years left me 2 weeks ago. I have been depressed and struggling as I am infertile and nothing we’ve tried has worked (adoption, ivf) for 6 years we’ve been trying. I haven’t been working as I’ve gone back to school and this has also caused stress especially financial. We have not connected intimately for months due to issues and bad timing. I know we had problems but this has really thrown me for a loop. He says he has made his decision and doesn’t love me as a wife anymore. How do I wrap my head around this, how do I forgive myself for failing him? I am seeing a counselor and on antidepressants, would actually be doing great if not dealing with this. I love him and still pray everyday for God to save our marriage yet my husband doesn’t want to work on this, he refused marriage counseling, refused to try and talk it out so we could try again (I offered to work on it for x months and see if we couldn’t be happy, if not then I at least tried).

    • EM says:

      Darling you are fine he has the issues ive gone through the same recently you sound like your a strong woman, dont let him get you down, if thats his wish so be it let him go because someone far better is waiting for you. You cant see it now all you see is loneliness and pain I know but trust me i have been there you will be fine but let him go as he doesnt see your worth… xxx

  38. kb says:

    hi i was in relationship for seven years with my baby,s father.he was so loving,caring,respective.in june this year i found that he is cheating on me and the girl is now pregnant.i dump him but he is still apologising saying that he still loves me threatning to kill me if i refused to get back to him and he said he broke up with his girlfriend and i must accept the baby if its for him because he is not sure.i dont know what to do coz i
    still love him my problem is i dont know that he really love me or he wants to use me.i am really confused plz give me an advise.

  39. Laurie says:

    Victoria,

    I wish I could help, but I can’t tell you how to solve your relationship problems or how to make your boyfriend become interested in you again. The only thing I can do is encourage you to listen to what he is saying, and don’t try to change his mind. You can’t convince him to fall in love with you again.

    The only thing you can do is become a strong, healthy, interesting, vibrant woman with her own life! The happier and healthier you are, the more attractive and appealing you will be to him and everyone around you. My advice is to focus on creating the life of your dreams, and let your boyfriend go. Tell him that you’re sorry that your relationship is boring to him, and that he is free to leave. That is the healthiest, most interesting thing you could do. The more you cling to him and beg him to stay or tell you how he feels, the further he’ll pull away from you.

    My prayer for you is for strength, courage, and independence. May you reach deep into your heart and soul, and find what you need to let a dead relationship go. May you find confidence, pride, and humility. May you know who you are and how valuable and special you are….and may you be wise enough to let your boyfriend go when he says he fell out of love with you. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  40. victoria says:

    i am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of six months. i am still a student in a university in another city while he works and lives in same city that i live in. we communicate online everyday till he changed. he stopped calling like he used to and snaps at me when we talk. i tried asking him what was wrong. i asked if he was bored and said yes. he said he was struggling to be in the relationship. he is 10 years older than i am. how do you advice i solve this issue, as i am losing my mind. i love him whole heartedly and i dont want to lose him. he is the first guy i have ever been with sexually. thanks

  41. Kettra says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Last night he told me honestly that he doesn’t love me anymore. We have our fights, we both have very strong personalities, but I am still madly in love with him. I have put my career on hold, and morphed my life around what was best for him. What I can’t understand is why would you still let me create a life around “us” when the “us” part was never really in his heart? I am shocked, and saddened that he still thought it was ok to sleep in the same bed with me, let me keep thinking he wanted to work things out when it so evident he had no want to spend the rest of his life with me. He is my best friend and life partner, well in my eyes. I work in yachting and have been land based for him when I could have been traveling the world. I guess now I am just going to sell my assets and leave the country as fast as possible, but I guess the real first move is, to find a different place to lay my head, somewhere warmer than the bed we shared…

  42. Laurie says:

    Dear Rhixie,

    It sounds like it’s been such a difficult time for you, and you don’t know how to cope with the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. Being left by a boy is one of the most difficult things to deal with, but I know you have the strength to pull through! You can heal and move on, even though right now it seems like you’ll never get over him.

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-move-on-after-a-break-up/

    If you feel like you’re dealing with depression, please talk to your mom or someone at school. Sometimes a loss like this can trigger a downward spiral, and it’s important to be aware of the importance of your feelings and thoughts!

    If you can’t recover from this breakup, you might think about getting help from an adult in person. Our hearts are tender, and big things like a break up can hurt us deeply! We need to learn how to grieve and heal, so we can move on and be free to love again. My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to move forward in your life.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  43. kim says:

    I was married for 26 yrs I was mentally being tortured everyday with tape recorders and cameras watching my every move.it hurt me deeply when he filed for divorce but I have come to realize he did me a favor because I would have stayed trying to work it out even though it was hopeless the only thing I can say is you really find your own strength and who you are when you manage to get away.its not the end its just a beginning we all deserve happiness life is too short.you can do anything you put your mind too.

  44. Rhixie says:

    i am currently in this situation right now, My boyfriend said he doesn’t love me anymore. I gave him space but i missed him so easily, I want to talk to him and hug him. We are in a Long Distance Relationship it’s really hard because it’s been 4 months since we last saw each other and the fact that my boyfriend is a playboy it is really hard plus i feel like i am inside of a cage i can’t move on because i’m stuck in a place where we had shared soo many memories — in my own house. 🙁 By the way i’m only 16 and i think im going crazy because he is always on my mind, 🙁 i always catch myself crying while starring at something. Please help 🙁

  45. Laurie says:

    Dear yolly,

    A silent breakup can be even more difficult to recover from, because there is no closure or discussion. I hope you’re able to move past this breakup, and find love and happiness in other ways. Not just by falling in love again, but by falling in love with yourself and your life!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  46. yolly says:

    We had a silent break-up. we had a big fight after he cheated a couple of times ended up impregnating one of his girls, our baby was only 2 years old by that time, he never said he loves me no more me neither, i find my bags packed the day his new bby was born i took them and moved out, time went by my heart finded a place to forgive him for all the pain and shame he brought me.

    Problem is, he never say a word to me, as time goes by i missed him, texted him but he never replied, it been 3 years now my heart still loves him deeply.

  47. Laurie says:

    New research shows that Twitter and other social networking services have revolutionized the way people create and maintain relationships. And, it could lead to more breakups and divorce!

    New research shows that Twitter use could actually be damaging to users’ romantic relationships. Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, found that active Twitter users are far more likely to experience Twitter-related conflict with their romantic partners. Clayton’s results showed that Twitter-related conflict then leads to negative relationship outcomes, including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce.

    Here’s the full study: http://munews.missouri.edu/news-releases/2014/0407-twitter-use-linked-to-infidelity-and-divorce-mu-study-finds/

  48. Laurie says:

    Dear Cherie,

    I wish you all the best as you end your marriage of such a long time. May your future be bright, and may you be courageous and willing to move forward into the unknown.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  49. cherie says:

    I needed this article to get me through the night.I am in the process of deciding to end my marriage of 20 years to someone I still love deeply,we are having some issues that we just can not resolve though and a separation seems to be the best answer.This article gave me some things to think about and it gives me hope whether we get back together or not.It gave me some encouragement to find myself again.Thank You

  50. Laurie says:

    Dear Heartbroken,

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as you learn how to accept that your husband fell out of love with you. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to find out that a husband has been cheating, and there are no easy steps for healing.

    May you find healing and hope, and may you rebuild your life and self-esteem, and learn how to accept and even rejoice in this change of life. It’s possible that this could be a gift that you don’t recognize yet – I pray this is the truth for you.

    In peace and passion,
    Laurie

  51. HEARTBROKEN says:

    i NEEDED THIS AT THIS VERY MOMENT I RAN ACROSS IT! VERY TRUE WORDS….THANK YOU VERY MUCH…iVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 7 YEARS BE TOGETHER FOR 10 I JUST FOUND OUT HE HAS BEEN CHEATING AND HE WANTS TO BE WITH HER OVER HIS CHILD AND I ITS HARD TO DIGEST BUT I HAVE TO, AGAIN THANK YOU.

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