How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Can’t Get Pregnant


Hearing the words “female infertility” is heartbreaking. If your doctor told you that you can’t get pregnant – and you don’t know how to tell your boyfriend – you may feel everything from shame to anger to depression. Here’s how to cope – plus tips for telling your boyfriend that you can’t get pregnant.

You are not alone! I was inspired to write this for a reader called Clarissa, who commented on How to Stop Infertility From Being the Worst Thing in Your Life. “I had a really bad case of endometriosis,” she said, “and I know I can’t get pregnant now. I’m only 22. When do I tell my boyfriend that I’m infertile?”

There are no right or wrong answers, because it really depends on your relationship with your boyfriend. It also depends on his expectations of you and your future together. In this article, I share several tips for what to expect when you tell your boyfriend you can’t conceive. I also tell you some good news – the gospel truth about you and your future. 





When my husband and I found out we couldn’t have kids, we were crushed. My husband wanted six kids! He’s the youngest of six, and he always assumed he’d have a big family. I’m the oldest of two girls, and I never dreamed I’d have more than two children. We both thought we’d have at least two kids…and we were wrong.

We have no children, but we have good news. One name, one Savior, one source of the deepest well and widest ocean of river and joy: Jesus! We haven’t let infertility ruin our lives, destroy our faith, or affect our marriage in ways that aren’t positive and uplifting.


Are you dealing with irregular, spotty, or missing periods? Learn how to regulate your cycle naturally.


The bad news? I can’t think of anything – but I’ve never been good at coming up with bad stuff to focus on 🙂 And that’s one of the best ways to hold on to your joy and enthusiasm for life: focus on the good news. Find out what the gospel truth is and hold on with both hands.

How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Can’t Get Pregnant

Are you and your boyfriend believers? Then you have something to hold on to. You have your faith – and there is nothing sweeter. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6.

On to the practical tips for talking about female infertility with your boyfriend…

Talk about infertility in your relationship as soon as possible

If you’re talking about living together, getting married, or starting a family then you should definitely talk about the fact that you can’t have kids. Be as honest as you can – as soon as you can – about why you can’t get pregnant.

How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Can’t Get Pregnant

How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Can’t Get Pregnant

This is scary. Different women are anxious about different things – but we all ultimately fear rejection. What if he leaves us because we can’t have children? What if our boyfriends or husbands walk out because they want kids, and we can’t get pregnant?

Take a deep breath, and trust. If you don’t know Jesus, then trust that you will find your way through this somehow. Believe that God really is on your side, He loves you, and He didn’t strike you with infertility because He’s cruel or heartless. If you don’t believe me, talk to Him yourself. Right now. He may not tell you why you can’t get pregnant – because I’ve found that He rarely shares His reasoning for anything – but He may give you comfort, guidance, and peace.

Maybe He’ll even bless you with joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Be prepared to discuss the options for couples coping with infertility

What do you know and what are you prepared to do about starting a family? The more you know about what you want to do, the better you can guide and help your boyfriend on the journey. The more you know about fertility treatments such as in vitro fertilization, intrauterine insemination, surrogate mothers, sperm donors, adoption, fostering, and accepting a childfree life, the better you’ll feel about the possibilities.

 

If you’re thinking about adoption, read 10 Things You Need to Know About Adopting a Baby. Learn what your options are so you can talk about them with your boyfriend. Find out how he feels about not having biological children, or about being a sperm donor, or about having a surrogate mother carry his child.

Talk to your boyfriend. You may not say everything perfectly, and that’s okay. Trust that your life – and your relationship – really is unfolding the way it’s meant to. Even if you can’t get pregnant…and even if your boyfriend breaks up with you because of infertility issues.




Are you trying to conceive a baby? See the

Hormone Balance Bundle for Her

If your sperm count is low, get the

Male Fertility Boost for Him





Remember: how you feel about infertility affects how your boyfriend will respond

Are you worried that your boyfriend will leave you because you can’t get pregnant? Your attitude and perspective will change his. The worse you feel about infertility, the worse he’ll feel. The more depressed and sad you are, the more depressed and sad your boyfriend will be. The fewer options you believe you have, the fewer options your boyfriend will see.

Don’t believe the lie that you can’t be happy if you don’t have children. Instead, hold on to the truth: you can have a joyful, spirit-filled life no matter what happens to you! Peace and joy comes from what you fix your mind on, not what you have in your life.

If you’re devastated, angry, or bitter that you can’t get pregnant, then your boyfriend may mirror your feelings. If you’re accepting and matter-of-fact, then he will probably react the same way.

Don’t assume your boyfriend will end your relationship

Some people are happy to try different ways of getting pregnant, and aren’t married to the idea of having their own biological children. Don’t assume that your boyfriend won’t want you because you can’t have kids. Assume nothing when it comes to female infertility! Don’t even assume you’ll never get pregnant, because strange things happen in our mysterious and beautiful bodies. Even the bodies we thought were “broken.”

Also, don’t assume your boyfriend will want to consider infertility treatments or other ways to have a family. Give him space and time to adjust to the idea of not having children with you. Let him go away and mull it over. Maybe your boyfriend will need a minute to wrap his head around the idea of infertility; maybe he’ll need a month. Or six months. His response could be immediate, or it could take a few weeks – it just depends on his personality traits, family situation, expectations, lifestyle, etc.

Trust that if you aren’t meant to be together, it’s better to break up

I know it’s heartbreaking to think about losing your boyfriend, but the truth is that if you aren’t meant to be together, you’re better off alone. You’ll find a boyfriend who is fine with the fact that you can’t get pregnant, and who will love you for who you are. Or maybe you’ll find yourself happier alone, or with a man who already has children.

There are other ways to cope with female fertility issues and have love and light in your life. A diagnosis of female infertility does not mean the end of a family! Don’t give up hope, even if you know you can’t get pregnant. Trust God, and know that millions of families are joyfully knit together with adopted children, foster children, surrogate children, or even living a childfree life.

May you find hope, faith, and healing. May joy and freedom fill your life – and may you know the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Help for Couples Coping With Infertility

How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Can’t Get PregnantIn What to Do When You Can’t Get Pregnant: The Complete Guide to All the Options for Couples Facing Fertility Issues, Daniel Potter and Jennifer Hanin offer a step-by-step guide to help you – and your boyfriend – explore your best options for conception and birth.

Ideas include:

  • Advances in natural products for women
  • New supplements, medications, and treatment protocols for infertility
  • Advice from leading experts on all areas of fertility treatments
  • The latest in egg freezing, vitrification, gender selection, and genetic testing
  • The future of IVF and reproductive medicine

Drawing on the latest science, Potter and Hanin offer sound advice for choosing the right fertility doctor and clinic, asking the right questions, and living a healthy, fertile lifestyle. Complete with advice on how to handle the frustrations of not being able to conceive, What to Do When You Can’t Get Pregnant is a great guide to making informed decisions about fertility issues.

If you feel ashamed or guilty because of female infertility issues, read How to Forgive Yourself for Not Being Able to Get Pregnant.

What do you think about telling your boyfriend that you can’t get pregnant? I welcome your comments below. I can’t offer advice on how to tell him you can’t conceive, but you may feel better if you share your experience…




Need your spirits lifted?

Sign up for your FREE Blossom emails


Come, join our garden of wildflowers

"She Blossoms" on Facebook




xo


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

12 thoughts on “How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Can’t Get Pregnant

  • Mollie

    Thank you, Laurie

    Hearing that through someone that has gone through it is very helpful and has put my mind a little more at rest.

    Mollie

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Mollie,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing what you’re going through. It really is a heartbreaking experience – and the sad thing is that while infertility does get easier, it never really goes away. I know for sure I’ll never have children of my own, and even though I’m at peace with this…I still feel a twinge in my heart and soul every time I see a pregnant woman or a baby!

    It’s hard, there is no doubt about it. And you’re right: nobody really knows what to say or how you feel. Your friends and family want to comfort and support you…but they don’t really know how. It sucks.

    But, I’m so happy for you, that your family is supportive! It sounds like they love you so much – your sister is willing to donate her eggs. That’s amazing. Hold on to those “little” things, because they are huge.

    I encourage you to learn how to let go of worry and anxiety. It know it’s difficult – it may even seem impossible – but honestly, the only thing you gain by worrying about the future is stress, fear, and more anxiety. Worrying about the future isn’t just pointless, it’s incredibly unhealthy.

    You can’t change what’s coming – whether you meet your future husband in one day or 10 years. You can’t change the family you’ll have or the life you’ll lead. All you can do is focus on this present moment, for this is all you have. Literally. You may not even have next week!

    Take a deep breath. Learn ways to live without worry or fear. For me, it’s Jesus. The more I learn about His love and sacrifice, the more grateful I am to just be alive. The peace and joy that the Lord gives is amazing — and it is available to you any time. It’s up to you to receive it, to reach out and accept His love and blessing.

    I’ll keep you in my prayers. May you know the peace and love of God — for it really does surpass all understanding. May you find comfort and hope, faith and trust. And may you rest in His beauty and awesome power – no matter what happens in your body, your relationship, your life.

    In Him,
    Laurie

  • Molli

    Hi Laurie, I like Chelsea had cancer as a child. I am 22 and I always knew infertility was probable but not for definite. Last year I went to a fertility clinic and they told me that I didn’t have any eggs left and that my womb was too small to carry a child. I am devastated and heart broken. I have siblings that are much older and have children of their own. I am not jealous, I love those kids as if they were my own. That said, they have no idea what I am going through and I definitely feel like I am an outsider. Family gatherings are hard for me especially when someone mentions pregnancy or a genetic trait, I find it hard to hold myself together. I don’t think friends help either, they don’t know what to say.
    The doctors are trying to grow my womb ( with excess hormones) so I may carry my sisters eggs. There are hurdles though, my sister is reaching the maximum age before the doctors won’t carry out the procedure. I have 3 years to find my future husband, if I want that to work. I’m struggling to deal with this myself let alone the added bonus of telling a future boyfriend and there’s a time limit. I don’t think I’m depressed, most of the time I am happy I just need some direction. If you have any advice that would be great. Mollie

  • Laurie

    Dear Mari,

    Thank you for sharing your experience with the struggle of whether or not to tell your boyfriend you can’t get pregnant. There aren’t any easy answers or solid pieces of advice, because every woman and relationship is so different!

    But, I believe the bottom line is always honesty. You will be happier and healthier if you share your truth when it feels right to you. Please don’t let fear be your motivation, for you will always be living in fear. Allow love and truth to guide you. Respect your boyfriend’s feelings and future, and trust that if you are meant to be together, you will.

    I understand how difficult and scary it is to tell your boyfriend that you can’t get pregnant, but you can’t allow your fear to manipulate you. You already know the right thing to do – you said it in your own comment! The key is trusting God that you will end up with the right man for you. Have faith.

    If you’re really reluctant to tell your boyfriend you can’t get pregnant, maybe he’s not the right man for you. This article may help:

    8 Signs of the Perfect Boyfriend for You
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/signs-of-the-perfect-boyfriend-for-you/

    I wish you all the best as you decide how to handle this matter. May you find confidence and peace, joy and healing!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Mari

    hi! I was married for 9yrs with my soon to be ex-husband; we had started doing treatment for me to get pregnant but never completed the treatment since he decided not come home one day(cheated). My dr. diagnose me with PCO although I do get periods,uterus and everything else was good I was somehow not releasing eggs or ovulating and that was making it impossible to get pregnant.my ex-husband never got the chance to get seen and now 1yr 1/2 later I have finally decided to give myself a chance with someone else but I do not know If I should tell him about the fertility issue and since I know that he does want kids I am afraid he will not stick around. It is just fair to tell him before we start catching feelings for each other; I would rather have him walk away from me now and save myself the heartache all over again and although he already have two kids 14yr & 11yr. To think of having to go through this every time I meet someone is just very overwhelming and very emotional. advice would be appreciated.

  • Chelsea

    Chelsea,
    I’m going through something soooo similar. Except when I was a baby I had to get something taken out (I forget what) and now I cannot become pregnant. I understand that I’m only 13 and too young to think about this but I’ve always wanted kids. Always. I mean, I won’t even get a period. It hurts me. I hate when my friends talk about how they can’t wait to have kids and what not. I just sit there and take it. Also, I’m already thinking about my future relationships. I have had crushes, but, I always think to myself ‘They deserve kids’ stuff like that. I don’t know. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Why was i the one born with the disorder? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Those questions are practically glued in my head. I just can’t stop thinking about it… Anyway, I assume you are at lest 19 or 20 by now. I hope you’re doing well. Best of Luck,
    Chelsea <3

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Chelsea,

    I believe with all my heart you’ll find a man who loves and cherishes you, even if you can’t get pregnant! You are MUCH more than a pair of ovaries, and you have so much to offer someone. Having kids isn’t the foundation of a healthy love relationship.

    Stay true to you,
    Laurie

  • Chelsea

    I am unable to have kids due to having cancer when I was 8. It breaks my heart because I love children and am a natural with babies and children. However, I have accepted this and hope to still have a large family. I only hope that I can find a man who can accept me and my situation.

    P.S. Being infertile does NOT make you less than a woman!!

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Chelsea,

    My heart goes out to you – it’s terrible to find out you can’t have kids. Endometriosis can bring a double whammy: both physical pain and emotional distress that you can’t get pregnant. It sounds like you’ve been through alot!

    I wrote this article for you:

    I hope it helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • chelsea

    im only 16 and iv been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now but even at my age i have had alot. i suffer very badly with endometreisis and now i have just been told it has caused cysts on my ovaries but i also cant have kids becasue of how severe it is. since i found this out all i have done is cry myself to sleep for the last 2 weeks but he is very supportive but i know it has killed him inside and i know he wanted to be a dad so much but i cant give him that 🙁 i just want things to turn around for me for once. i dont know what to do anymore ?

  • Selfish

    I would like to say i completely resent my partner since i told him about me having endo. It has cause so many fights as im in panick mode trying to get life sorted so we can start trying or atleast try IVF and he couldnt give a shit about me. He dosent want kids now! So i’ll prob be childless for the rest of my life and im not ok with it. I plan on doing IVF once i save up enough money and my partner has the choice to be involved or not. It dosent worry me getting a sperm donor in the slightest. I dont care if i have to do it on my own if it means my chances a higher. I have alot of love to give and no man can take that away from me!

  • Heavenly

    I listened to your advice and I just wanted to thank you. I finally told my fiance, and yes, he was devistated and cried with me, but he is still here and he loves me. I just wanted to thank you.