How to Deal With Anxiety When You Can’t Get Pregnant
You’ll find it easier to handle the disappointment of getting your period with these tips for dealing with anxiety. When you can’t get pregnant, every month feels like an emotional roller coaster…
“I struggle with anxiety and feel scared about not having a baby every time I get my period,” writes Dakota on How to Stay Positive When You Can’t Get Pregnant. “My anxious feels are overwhelming, to the point of full-blown panic attacks. I’m scared that all this trying to conceive will lead us nowhere and my husband will leave. Or we’ll have an unhappy marriage because I can’t control my anxious feelings, depression, sadness about not getting pregnant. Help, how do I deal with anxiety?”
One of the best tips for dealing with anxious feelings is to stay in the present. Anxiety is often a fear of future events, such as never getting pregnant and having to face marriage problems because of infertility. You might fear you’ll never feel the love, joy, and fulfillment that having a baby can bring! I get it; it’s a really difficult and scary place to be. Not getting pregnant when you want to have a baby is hard. Let’s learn how to deal with anxiety by taking it one step at a time….
First take a deep breath. Doesn’t it feel good to lift your chest, square your shoulders, and breathe deep into your abdomen? I’m doing it right now – I just took three deep breaths in a row. I’m preparing to share my tips on how to deal with anxiety when you can’t get pregnant, and I need to be centered and focused.
7 Ways to Deal With Anxiety When You Can’t Get Pregnant
“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11.
Even if you don’t believe in God or the Bible, take comfort in the idea that there is a Universe or Higher Power looking out for you. You were created with love, and you are here for a purpose. Maybe you’re here to be a mother this year, or maybe you won’t be starting a family for another few months or years.
There is a reason you’re experiencing these problems getting pregnant. I don’t know why it’s taking so long for you to have a baby or what health issues you’re facing, but it’s important that you hold on to your faith and hope. My tips on how to deal with anxiety when you can’t get pregnant revolve around a strong spiritual foundation, for that is the only source of life, joy, and peace!
1. Ground yourself emotionally and spiritually
When I was anxious because I couldn’t get pregnant, I was constantly searching for peace, joy, faith, and trust. I struggled with fear and anxiety – and I allowed those feelings to overcome my belief that everything would be okay. I went into terrible downward spirals of despair, and I didn’t take care of my emotional or spiritual health.
If you build a solid spiritual and emotional foundation, you will be able to deal with the anxiety and fear of not getting pregnant. This takes effort and practice – it’s a daily decision to trust that you will conceive a baby when the time is right. In fact, it may even be an hourly practice! Our faith and trust tends to evaporate as the day unfolds, which is why we need to keep dipping into the powerful flow of living waters.
2. Connect with supportive, hopeful people
Who do you spend time with, and how do you feel after being with them? If you feel more anxious and wound up about not getting pregnant and life in general, then spend less time with them. If you feel calm, peaceful, hopeful, and even joyful after being with them, then make an effort to connect with them more often.
Another tip on how to deal with anxiety is to remember that everyone is doing the best they can. Your husband, the fertility doctors, the nurses and clinic staff, your family…they really are trying to help you. Listen to – and try to understand – their perspectives, regardless of how different or even upsetting they are. Be aware of your energy levels and attitude toward other people. Hold on to positive feelings and hope, and try not to focus on other people’s mistakes and weaknesses.
3. Express your fears and anxieties, but focus on hope and faith
I know how easy it is to fall into that downward spiral of fear and anxiety – but remember that it’s easier to stop yourself from falling into depression than it is to pull yourself back out!
Be aware of your feelings of frustration and discouragement, but don’t let them swallow you up. Write about how anxious you are, paint your fears away, find ways to creatively express your negative feelings. Get them out, for they are toxic. Know that you are loved deeply, and you are here for a purpose. This stage of your life is happening for a reason, and it will be over soon. One of the best tips on how to deal with anxiety when you can’t get pregnant is to hold on to the hope and faith you had when you first started trying to get pregnant. Take heart and be strong – just for today.
4. Get good sleep, lots of exercise, and nutritious food
Take care of your body, mind, and spirit! Learn what foods to avoid when you’re trying to get pregnant, and feed your body the right types of protein, carbohydrates, and fats. Train yourself to fall asleep shortly after you go to bed – and learn how to stop tossing and turning all night long. Love your body; love your husband’s body, too. Get enough exercise to make you sweat, but don’t force yourself to do workouts you don’t enjoy.
Dealing with anxious feelings is a whole body exercise. Take care of yourself physically, as well as emotionally and spiritually. Relax into and accept this stage of your life. Refuse to allow your self worth to be affected by the fact that you didn’t get pregnant when you wanted to, and remember that pregnancy doesn’t make you a better woman.
5. Be open to all possibilities
Who knows what the future holds? We sure don’t! But, we experience peace and joy when we stay open to all possibilities. You’re searching for tips on how to deal with anxiety because you’re scared about the future. You know it’s uncertain, you don’t know what’s going to happen, and you’re upset by that. I get it…but I refuse to live it.
Lean into the possibility that your life could unfold in a beautiful, joyful, perfect way…even if you take your hands off the wheel. Accept the idea that you will be able to handle whatever the future holds, especially if you’re leaning on Him with all your mind, soul, and strength. Trust that God will give you a baby if a baby is the best thing for you and your husband. Know that He is working together all things for your good, and for the good of your family as a whole.
6. Cope with the pain of seeing expectant mothers and babies
This isn’t the easiest way to deal with anxiety when you can’t get pregnant, but it will grow you into a strong, healthy, amazing woman! Learn how to be around pregnant women and mothers without letting depression, despair, or anger overcome you.
My husband and I tried to get pregnant for years, and we never did have children. We are childless, and I’m filled with peace and joy every day. And yet, I do feel a twinge of sadness when I see pregnant women. My heart is squeezed when I see a baby. The grief and broken dream of not having children never goes away. It is something I live with, just like my various physical health issues. It’s just part of my life – even though I love God with all my heart, and even though I am often filled with the joy and peace only He can bring.
Not getting pregnant when you really want a baby is a difficult place to be. If you’re anxious about the idea of never getting pregnant, read 5 Secrets for Coping With Childlessness.
7. Learn how to deal with anxiety when you can’t get pregnant
What do you know about yourself? Who are you, and how do you cope with the pain of everyday life? Your past and present emotional and mental health issues are a huge factor in dealing with anxious feelings. When you’re trying to conceive, you’re entering a world of helplessness and vulnerability, destiny and fate. It’s a wild place to be!
If you’ve coped with depression, panic attacks, traumatic or difficult life experiences in the past, you may need a different strategy for dealing with anxiety. Perhaps you need to talk to a counselor who specializes in anxiety disorders and panic attacks. Maybe you need to read books about dealing with anxiety, or even join a support group.
Do what you need to do, and avoid negative people who don’t help you fell strong and hopeful. Be true to yourself, and don’t allow negativity into any aspect of your life. Stay true to your heart and soul. You have the power to create your own mood and energy level – if you hold on to hope. Instead of learning how to deal with anxiety, I find it much more helpful to focus on thoughts, images, and activities that lift my spirits. Whatever is true, pure, good, and beautiful…focus on that. Hold on to the good, shake off the bad.
If you’d like to add your prayers to those of other women trying to conceive, read and comment on How to Pray for a Baby – A Centering Prayer.
Please feel free to share your thoughts on how to deal with anxiety when you can’t get pregnant. I can’t offer advice, but you may find it helpful to share your experience and feelings.