What to Do After Your Boyfriend Sleeps With His Ex

Here are three questions to ask yourself before deciding what to do after you find out your boyfriend had sex with his ex-girlfriend.

My Boyfriend Slept With His Ex GirlfriendIf you know you want to break up, read Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward Thomas. You’ll learn five steps to leaving and healing:
Step 1:  Find Emotional Freedom
Step 2: Reclaim Your Power and Your Life
Step 3: Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart
Step 4: Become a Love Alchemist
Step 5: Create Your Happy Even After Life

Does it help to know you’re not alone? My most popular article on Blossom in Love is 5 Signs Your Husband is Cheating and Lying About His Affair. If your boyfriend is hooking up with his ex, you’re not alone.





Yesterday I got an anonymous email from a reader. Here’s part of it: “My boyfriend cheated, plain and simple. I don’t know how to deal with it. Before we got together, he had a girlfriend who was pregnant. He said he didn’t love her – in fact he hated her. He was sticking around for the pregnancy. We slept together that night. I felt horrible, but I still loved him (I’d pined for him for 10 years before this). This was the start of our affair, which lasted 2 months. He finally broke up with his partner and we started a formal relationship.

Recently, I found out he was still sleeping with her after we got together. He said he kept this relationship going with his ex-girlfriend in secret so he could see his child. Since then he’s been faithful. What should I do?

Is Sex With the Ex-Girlfriend Forgivable?

It depends. Some women couldn’t ever forgive their boyfriends after an affair (that would be me), while others are willing to rebuild their relationship (a friend of mine stayed with her cheating husband, and has no regrets).

What you do about a cheating boyfriend depends on several things.

How often has your boyfriend cheated in the past?

The best way to predict future behavior is by looking at past behavior. If your boyfriend cheated on his previous girlfriend with you, then he’s more likely to cheat on you with his next girlfriend.

If your boyfriend hangs out with guys and gals who cheat or who think there’s nothing wrong with cheating, then he’s more likely to cheat on you again. People absorb the qualities and values of the people they spend their time with.

Some girlfriends are 100% certain their boyfriends won’t cheat again, but they still feel jealous and insecure. If this is you, read How to Cope With Jealousy When Your Boyfriend Sees His Ex.

How many times has your boyfriend lied to others – and to you?

Your boyfriend lied to his ex-girlfriend, and I believe he lied to you when he said he had to keep sleeping with his ex so he could see his baby. I think that’s a load of crap. Most women – 99% of them – would do anything to ensure a good relationship between father and children. They don’t need to be bribed with sex.

Sometimes we know what we need to do about a boyfriend who cheats with his ex-girlfriend, but we just can’t let them go. If this is you, read How to Rebuild Trust After an Affair.

How valuable are you?

My Boyfriend Slept With His Ex

My Boyfriend Slept With His Ex-Girlfriend

Some women stay in unhealthy, abusive, or uncomfortable relationships because they don’t think anyone else will love them. I stayed with a moron for far too long, because I was lazy. I didn’t want to begin the work of breaking up, healing from the breakup, and dating someone new. What if I never fell in love again? What if I got hurt again?

Some women may also feel like they’ve invested months, years, or decades in this relationship, so they don’t want to walk away. It’s hard to quit something you’ve been at a long time, whether it’s a relationship, a job, a book, or a house. Seriously. It’s harder to walk away and start over than it is to stay stuck.

If you’re scared you’ll never be able to leave your boyfriend, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.

I can’t tell you what to do when your boyfriend has sex with his ex-girlfriend. But, I can tell you what I’d do if I were you: dump him. You deserve better.

I welcome your thoughts on what to do when your boyfriend sleeps with his ex-girlfriend, but I can’t offer advice. You may find it helpful to share your experience; writing can bring clarity and insight.






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xo

4 Responses

  1. F. Ribeiro says:

    Sleeping with an ex, it’s a sign they think with their sexual member and not with the head on top of the shoulders, but, to cover and hide their moves they have a list of excuses for this very sick behaviour, generally saying it’s the ex’s fault because she’s too needy, has a miserable life, has no friends, feels lonely, and, because of it, the “ex” uses subtle manipulation to get their attention back! Don’t fall for it!!!!

    My own story proves how sick it can be! My boyfriend was keeping in the background a “so supposed former/ex girlfriend” for at least, eight years, I repeat EIGHT years! When I started my relationship with him, she was already in the background, as he has cheated on his former girlfriends with that same “ex” as well! It wouldn’t matter if he was involved in a nice relationship, because sporadically he visited his “ex”! Due to it, that sick ex (full of malice, of course – though he always denied she was a poisoned, toxic person, willed to destroy any new relationship he could get), knew everything about his life in detail, his new relationships, while the “official” partner knew nothing about what was going on behind her back, obviously! That “ex” was kept for all those years, despite the fact he didn’t love her. The only reason was sex, and, the thrill of keeping that woman (that was nothing than an idiot, willed to put up with any bad behaviour on his part, just to have fun using him as well and with a chance to laugh in the back of his “official” girlfriends, like saying “you may have him now, but in the end, it is going to be me to get him”. And she was convinced this was going to be the outcome because the signs he was giving her, made her believe it! So, even if she was the most stupid self-centered, lacking a brain and boundaries, it was his fault, because it was him playing her game, because he thought he was the one in control and it was just about…. sex, meaning nothing, so any nice official relationship he could have, would never be affected, because his affair, was meaningless! It’s a lie! It was a game she started and he played it to feel powerful, with her acceptance! How sick!

    If you find yourself in this position, dump the man immediatly and don’t look back! Let the man feel miserable with this type of partner, because they really deserve each other, and, they must end together to get miserable! It’s karma!

    Be strong!

  2. Sharon says:

    How do I figure out and resolve the issue of being afraid of bumping the guy who repeatedly lied about his ex for 2 years? All the signs were there for cheating but I ignored it. I feel like something has to be wrong with me… I don’t cry, I don’t leave, I no longer saying anything (we still live together) I feel numb and dumb.

  3. Stellar says:

    Thank you, Laurie. Spot on, dump the bastard.

  4. Laurie says:

    I forgot to ask what her close friends and family think about the boyfriend who had sex with his ex.

    That’s another thing to think about — what do your loved ones tell you to do? They know you best, and they’ve met your boyfriend.

    If you can’t tell your loved ones that your boyfriend cheated, then I think you need a new boyfriend. You should be able to tell your loved ones everything your boyfriend does (except of course the private stuff! And I don’t count cheating as private).

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