How to Adjust to Being Alone 3


Sometimes the worst part of loss is learning how to be alone. After you’ve been part of a couple for years – or even decades – it can feel impossible to learn how to live as a single woman.

In How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About a reader commented on a tip that she found very helpful. “You said women should ask themselves whether they would encourage their sister or mother to be in a relationship with their ex-partner, and that really opened my eyes,” says Kathy. “I would never recommend my ex-boyfriend even to my worst enemy. Thank you for saying that, because it is helping me adjust to being alone.”

What insights, thoughts, or advice have you already received on how to adjust to being alone? Before you read my tips, take a moment to think about what you already know. Tell me – I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below. Often we already know what we need to do, but we seek external validation because we don’t trust ourselves. Or God.





How to Adjust to Being Alone

These three suggestions apply to women who are:

Of course, there is no one tip on how to adjust to being alone that will work for all women in all circumstances. Here are a few ideas to think about…

Reconnect with your source of life and power

I often write blog posts that are more spiritual and emotional in nature, because that’s who I am. I believe our spiritual and emotional health has a direct effect on how we live our daily lives. In fact, the very foundation of a happy, healthy life is spiritual!

If you aren’t connected to a higher purpose, if you don’t have hope or faith that everything will be ok (or even wonderful!), then you can search for all the practical tips in the world on how to adjust to being alone. It won’t matter. You don’t need to learn how to stop buying groceries in bulk or how to do a half load of laundry. You need to find a source of peace and joy, independent of your relationship.

Find your purpose in life. What were you created to do? Who were you before you lost touch with yourself? What do you really care about?

Forgive yourself and forgive your ex

What are you holding on to? In How to Stop Being Lonely, I encourage us all to remember this:





You have the power to choose your future. You have the power to choose to be happy, healthy, and in a mutually fulfilling relationship. You do NOT have to stay in a relationship that makes you happy. You are a smart, valuable, and beautiful woman with everything you need.

But before you can really tap into your strength and power, you need to forgive. Let go of the past. You can’t learn how to adjust to being alone if you hold on to regrets, bitterness, anger, or disappointments. You can’t live happy and healthy if you’re gripping on to the dreck and sludge.

Fill your life with light, love, laughter and a mess!

how to adjust to being aloneAh, my two loud yappy little dogs. What a pain! And drat that cat; she wakes us up at 5 am. She wants love, hugs, attention, time, affection, pats and scratches. She gets fur in my mouth and nose, and she teases the dogs until they chase her. Then guess who gets in trouble? The dogs.

If you don’t have any critters in your life who aggravate you, consider adopting or fostering a dog or cat. Or, take your neighbor’s dog to the dog park. Clean up the poop, wipe the dirty paw prints off your car seat, give the muddy dog a massage.

Live

Life is messy, whether or not you have a dog. Expand your home and make way for disorder, light, and chaos. That’s how I adjusted to being alone. To me, it means a houseful of animals.

What does this mean to you?

Today, my best tips on how to adjust to being alone are: get your spiritual house in order, practice forgiveness, and fill your life with aggravation and laughter. Tomorrow I may have a whole different perspective…but today this is all I got.

A question for you

What is the most difficult part of adjusting to being alone? Tell me below. What advice have you given others about being independent and self-sufficient?

While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of learning how to adjust to being alone. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.

Read What to Do When You’re Tired of Being Alone for a few more ideas – that post was inspired by two readers who aren’t happy being single.

My next article describes how a medical intuitive can help us heal physically and emotionally. Fascinating! Make sure you sign up below for my weekly email to receive new articles.





xo


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3 thoughts on “How to Adjust to Being Alone

  • Martha Jane Childers

    I lost my husband on Dec 13, 2016. We had been married for 57 years on Nov 28th the day he went on hospice. He had parkinsons for about 4 years but was doing okay, Had to use a walker and transport chair and wear diapers. Sometimes I resented having to give up all our plans for the future. Our life consisted mostly waiting for home health visits and occasionally going out to eat. He had been in the hospital before very sick but he always came home. He got sick one day and went to the hospital and after 43 days he was gone. He had a UT that turned into sepsis and then he developed something called C diff. He became delirious and the last few weeks he was turned inward and did not talk to me or my children. I felt abandoned but I know he was fighting for his life and he pulled away from this life. I have felt many things since he died, I mourn the first years of our marriage and regret that I didn’t appreciate what I had more . Now I feel that the last year or two he grew not to really love me. And I felt sometimes that I did not love him like I should. Now I am alone and don’t have the comfort of feeling that our love still exists. He became very negative about everything as the year went on and then he got so sick that we couldn’t communicate at the last. I just feel empty and alone and sometimes guilty. I can’t believe that the young sweet man that I married 57 years ago is gone. I see his clothes and shoes and can’t believe that he will never wear them again. I am neglecting myself, my home and my health. Right now I have very little to eat in the house and don’t feel like eating or going shopping for food. Once a month my daughter who lives about 90 miles away comes to spend the weekend but my other children live in Ca and Vermont. I see them about once a year. I have five grandchildren but they all live in Ca or Vermont. I am a very private person and do not share my feelings with them. The things i were interested in before my husband died I don’t care for anymore. I just don’t care about much anymore. I have developed some health problems that I worry about but I have no one to share them with since he is gone. I have a friend who keeps asking me what I plan to do but I don’t have any plans. I can hardly get up each morning much less try to plan for a future.

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Cristie,

    I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve been married for 11 years, and I can imagine how lonely I’d be if my husband passed away. I always tease him that I’m going first so I don’t have to cope with life without him!

    There are no quick or easy tips for how to adjust to being alone. I don’t think you’ll ever be back to your normal life…but you will create a “new normal”, I believe.

    Your comments inspired me to write this article:

    7 Things to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/she/feeling-unwanted-no-one-cares/

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Laurie

  • Cristie_2016

    hello,my husband just passed away last Feb.5,2016.We have three kids one is in Second year College and the two are in junior high school. I could say I was alone because mostly we talk so many things in life,happy and sad. It was different talking to my kids than my husband.He have a lot of things to say and share with me and very informative person because most of the time his surfing the net about business,general events,politics and new technology. I felt very lonely and sad until now,because we usually talk before we go to bed and share laughter and show me nice view and different events his friends in the net shared to him. I just don’t know how to move on without thinking of him before I go to bed. I wanted to start a story how was our love life is,because he is a foriegner,a Canadian and I am asian.For being married to him for 14 years it was very difficult and hard to even get up in the morning that his not in his side of bed.It drive me crazy,so I was thinking I need to do something that will divert my mind. I am still crying while travelling of just having my coffee in my yard. I”m hoping I will be back to normal life again.